Unpacking Fat, 2.0
So I went to the gym for a fitness assessment this morning, with... interesting results, let's say. Have to make this reasonably quick, since I'm headed out in half an hour for bowling!
So the big things that irritated me (and were otherwise negative).
- I went in saying very plainly 'I am not worried about my weight; I'm worried about my health' and she very explicitly said "Everyone comes in here to lose weight". Sorry, I -- I literally just said that that's secondary. I know there's going to be some weight loss involved with becoming more active and eating better, but that's not my goal. She decided that it was, in fact, my goal. :|
- Then we went to go look at both BF% and weight. The scale was the very-accurate version (not electronic, using real weights) so... I've apparently gained about forty pounds since I last weighed myself in the summer. That hole in the ground was my self-esteem for about an hour. I'm now at 238lbs, the highest I've recorded myself at -- but I'm comfortably wearing medium shirts and 32" jeans, while years ago at my fattest I was wearing 36" and XL. I'm still not sure how this makes sense.
- My BF% was on what I've always read is the least effective measurement system, the handheld machine. It says I'm 25.1% fat, though, which... even if inaccurate is telling. Seeing the actual numbers is really making it hard for me to be okay with my weight, argh.
- I was able to do a lot more than she was expecting me to, but she pushed me a bit harder than she probably should have, because I ended up puking in the garbage can. :\ I haven't puked after a workout in years, and I don't understand people who consider it a normal part of the workout - it's a sign from your body saying "HEY SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE".
- She also pretty much said "there's no way you can walk that much a day without losing weight". Even after I've told her that I've walked almost 40km in one day before. Okay, then.
All of this together gave me about two hours of self-hatred, and then as I was taking a shower once I got home I realized that... honestly? Fuck it. I need to be active, and I need to have fun being active, or else... I'm not going to continue to be active. If I mostly do cardio, that's still something (a lot more than I've done the past few months), and combining that with eating better will help a lot.
I suppose I really should have been expecting this from the gym, but... :|
So the big things that irritated me (and were otherwise negative).
- I went in saying very plainly 'I am not worried about my weight; I'm worried about my health' and she very explicitly said "Everyone comes in here to lose weight". Sorry, I -- I literally just said that that's secondary. I know there's going to be some weight loss involved with becoming more active and eating better, but that's not my goal. She decided that it was, in fact, my goal. :|
- Then we went to go look at both BF% and weight. The scale was the very-accurate version (not electronic, using real weights) so... I've apparently gained about forty pounds since I last weighed myself in the summer. That hole in the ground was my self-esteem for about an hour. I'm now at 238lbs, the highest I've recorded myself at -- but I'm comfortably wearing medium shirts and 32" jeans, while years ago at my fattest I was wearing 36" and XL. I'm still not sure how this makes sense.
- My BF% was on what I've always read is the least effective measurement system, the handheld machine. It says I'm 25.1% fat, though, which... even if inaccurate is telling. Seeing the actual numbers is really making it hard for me to be okay with my weight, argh.
- I was able to do a lot more than she was expecting me to, but she pushed me a bit harder than she probably should have, because I ended up puking in the garbage can. :\ I haven't puked after a workout in years, and I don't understand people who consider it a normal part of the workout - it's a sign from your body saying "HEY SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE".
- She also pretty much said "there's no way you can walk that much a day without losing weight". Even after I've told her that I've walked almost 40km in one day before. Okay, then.
All of this together gave me about two hours of self-hatred, and then as I was taking a shower once I got home I realized that... honestly? Fuck it. I need to be active, and I need to have fun being active, or else... I'm not going to continue to be active. If I mostly do cardio, that's still something (a lot more than I've done the past few months), and combining that with eating better will help a lot.
I suppose I really should have been expecting this from the gym, but... :|