Progress Progresses
I had some ideas last night right before bed, so I repeated them as many times as I could so I would remember them this morning, which I did. I was supposed to hang out with my wife this morning, maybe go out together, but I pleaded the need to write and she let me off after a few pouty looks. I brought home flowers as an act of contrition.
I went out and worked on MISTAKEN. I made great progress. I thought I had written almost thirty pages. I only wrote ten. That was a bit of a let down when I counted, but still, it was good work.
I didn't think so at first. It felt rushed. It felt underdeveloped. But then I remembered the format I'm writing in. I can't dedicate 2000 words to the introduction of a new character or the first glimpse of the story's explanation. It probably could use some polish, but it's good that I didn't drag it out.
It occurs to me that I haven't posted an excerpt yet even though I've written the first 65 pages of the graphic novel. So here are a few for your enjoyment.
NOTE TO MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS READING THIS ON FACEBOOK. Stop reading right here. Your parents won't like you reading this and you probably won't like it either. If you do like it, you'll get Uncle Joe in trouble, so just assume you don't like it and move along.
PAGE 5
FRAME 1 KEN's hand holding onto a rail in a crowded subway trolley. View of a variety of people filling the car, including a black teenage mother talking on the phone, her crying baby, and three white early twenty-somethings. Everyone else is intently minding their own business.
NARRATOR: If enduring the morning commute is the worst thing in a person's life, then it's a good life.
FRAME 2 black teenage MOTHER smacks her baby on the head with its bottle.
MOTHER: “Stop crying. I'm on the phone.”
FRAME 3 baby up at the white twenty-somethings staring down at it
20S-1: “Drop it on its neck. That'll stop it crying.”
20S-2: “Poke it in its eyes.”
20S-3: “Hold it under water.”
FRAME 4 back of KEN's head. He clenches the pole with his hand.
NARRATOR: I begin thinking of excuses to tell Lauren why I was arrested. But whose neck do I snap first?
FRAME 5 20Ss on the floor of the trolley with broken necks.
NARRATOR: The racists?
FRAME 6 MOTHER sitting back in her seat with a broken neck, her baby passively sucking on its bottle.
NARRATOR: Or the dumb bitch that shouldn't be allowed ten feet near a child?
FRAME 7 back of KEN's hands, naturally curved
NARRATOR: The world would be a better place without any of them.
FRAME 8 BABY's face as mother slaps it.
MOTHER: “Shut up! You're being a jerk.”
PAGE 6
FRAME 1 KEN stumbling from the trolley onto the PLATFORM.
NARRATOR: I'll walk the rest of the way. The extra blocks will be good for me.
FRAME 2 KEN's legs walking up the stairs.
NARRATOR: An individual citizen in a civilized nation is not entitled to pass judgment on his peers.
FRAME 3 KEN slamming open the exit door.
NARRATOR: No matter how much they deserve it.
FRAME 4 from Boston Common, KEN walks along the sidewalk with the tall buildings across the street behind him. Cars and other pedestrians move by along with panhandlers sitting on the curbs
PAGE 7
FRAME 1 down at a homeless Latino man sitting on the sidewalk in dirty, baggy pants and a winter military jacket. He holds a sign that says “DONATION | GOD BLESS,” in smaller letters crammed on the bottom “GIVE BOY CANCER” and even smaller in the top corner “VETERAN”
NARRATOR: Panhandling is a territorial activity.
FRAME 2 One homeless man hitting another with a brick.
NARRATOR: Move in on the wrong person's territory and there's trouble.
FRAME 3 LATINO panhandler
NARRATOR: This guy used to be closer to my office.
LATINO: “Donation, donation”
NARRATOR: I give food to panhandlers when I can, but not this guy. He's a liar.
FRAME 4 KEN hitting LATINO panhandler with a brick.
NARRATOR: No father asks for money for his son as an afterthought.
FRAME 5 LATINO panhandler
LATINO: “Donation, donation”
FRAME 6 wide angle KEN walking away from LATINO panhandler
PAGE 8
FRAME 1 BLACK panhandler standing outside a BAGEL SHOP. KEN enters the door past him.
BLACK: “If you have some change, after you buy your coffee, consider a donation.”
FRAME 2 Inside the BAGEL SHOP. A bag sits on the counter and a young GIRL gives KEN his change.
FRAME 3 KEN's hand dropping change into the BLACK panhandler's cup.
NARRATOR: This guy has a smart pitch. He gets something every day he's here.
FRAME 4 KEN and others standing on a street corner while traffic races by. KEN is holding a bag of food he was not holding before.
FRAME 5 A TAXI comes close to the curb and a PEDESTRIAN standing on the street jumps back to the curb to avoid being hit.
NARRATOR: I think cabbies compete to see who can hit the most jaywalkers in a day. Winner gets ten bucks for a hummer on [xxx street].
FRAME 6 white panhandler with a big bushy beard of white hair, wearing a hooded windbreaker, sunglasses, and earbuds that lead to an mp3 player. He holds up a cup and shakes it.
NARRATOR: This fucker makes more in a year than I do.
FRAME 7 Closeup of the sunglasses with KEN's distorted reflection.
NARRATOR: I should take a dollar out of his cup.
PAGE 9
FRAME 1 ADAM the crazy panhandler wears a sign that says “THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS”.
NARRATOR: This guy is my favorite. I bring him a couple bagels every morning
FRAME 2 Another PEDESTRIAN drops some money in ADAM's cup.
ADAM: “I WILL SUCK YOUR DICK!”
PEDESTRIAN: “No, thank you.”
ADAM: “I AM A BAD BOY!”
FRAME 3 KEN's hand giving ADAM's the bag of bagels with his sign in the background. It curves about the top of the bag in much the same shape as when he stares at it.
KEN: “Here you go, Adam.”
ADAM: “YOU WERE A MISTAKE!”
FRAME 4 KEN turning away from ADAM and walking up the stairs to his office.
ADAM: “THE DEAD ARE NOT YOUR FAULT! HEAVEN SHAT ON YOU!”
NARRATOR: He's better than TV.
FRAME 5 KEN's hand pushing a revolving door.
ADAM(out of frame): “I WILL SUCK YOUR DICK!”
I went out and worked on MISTAKEN. I made great progress. I thought I had written almost thirty pages. I only wrote ten. That was a bit of a let down when I counted, but still, it was good work.
I didn't think so at first. It felt rushed. It felt underdeveloped. But then I remembered the format I'm writing in. I can't dedicate 2000 words to the introduction of a new character or the first glimpse of the story's explanation. It probably could use some polish, but it's good that I didn't drag it out.
It occurs to me that I haven't posted an excerpt yet even though I've written the first 65 pages of the graphic novel. So here are a few for your enjoyment.
NOTE TO MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS READING THIS ON FACEBOOK. Stop reading right here. Your parents won't like you reading this and you probably won't like it either. If you do like it, you'll get Uncle Joe in trouble, so just assume you don't like it and move along.
PAGE 5
FRAME 1 KEN's hand holding onto a rail in a crowded subway trolley. View of a variety of people filling the car, including a black teenage mother talking on the phone, her crying baby, and three white early twenty-somethings. Everyone else is intently minding their own business.
NARRATOR: If enduring the morning commute is the worst thing in a person's life, then it's a good life.
FRAME 2 black teenage MOTHER smacks her baby on the head with its bottle.
MOTHER: “Stop crying. I'm on the phone.”
FRAME 3 baby up at the white twenty-somethings staring down at it
20S-1: “Drop it on its neck. That'll stop it crying.”
20S-2: “Poke it in its eyes.”
20S-3: “Hold it under water.”
FRAME 4 back of KEN's head. He clenches the pole with his hand.
NARRATOR: I begin thinking of excuses to tell Lauren why I was arrested. But whose neck do I snap first?
FRAME 5 20Ss on the floor of the trolley with broken necks.
NARRATOR: The racists?
FRAME 6 MOTHER sitting back in her seat with a broken neck, her baby passively sucking on its bottle.
NARRATOR: Or the dumb bitch that shouldn't be allowed ten feet near a child?
FRAME 7 back of KEN's hands, naturally curved
NARRATOR: The world would be a better place without any of them.
FRAME 8 BABY's face as mother slaps it.
MOTHER: “Shut up! You're being a jerk.”
PAGE 6
FRAME 1 KEN stumbling from the trolley onto the PLATFORM.
NARRATOR: I'll walk the rest of the way. The extra blocks will be good for me.
FRAME 2 KEN's legs walking up the stairs.
NARRATOR: An individual citizen in a civilized nation is not entitled to pass judgment on his peers.
FRAME 3 KEN slamming open the exit door.
NARRATOR: No matter how much they deserve it.
FRAME 4 from Boston Common, KEN walks along the sidewalk with the tall buildings across the street behind him. Cars and other pedestrians move by along with panhandlers sitting on the curbs
PAGE 7
FRAME 1 down at a homeless Latino man sitting on the sidewalk in dirty, baggy pants and a winter military jacket. He holds a sign that says “DONATION | GOD BLESS,” in smaller letters crammed on the bottom “GIVE BOY CANCER” and even smaller in the top corner “VETERAN”
NARRATOR: Panhandling is a territorial activity.
FRAME 2 One homeless man hitting another with a brick.
NARRATOR: Move in on the wrong person's territory and there's trouble.
FRAME 3 LATINO panhandler
NARRATOR: This guy used to be closer to my office.
LATINO: “Donation, donation”
NARRATOR: I give food to panhandlers when I can, but not this guy. He's a liar.
FRAME 4 KEN hitting LATINO panhandler with a brick.
NARRATOR: No father asks for money for his son as an afterthought.
FRAME 5 LATINO panhandler
LATINO: “Donation, donation”
FRAME 6 wide angle KEN walking away from LATINO panhandler
PAGE 8
FRAME 1 BLACK panhandler standing outside a BAGEL SHOP. KEN enters the door past him.
BLACK: “If you have some change, after you buy your coffee, consider a donation.”
FRAME 2 Inside the BAGEL SHOP. A bag sits on the counter and a young GIRL gives KEN his change.
FRAME 3 KEN's hand dropping change into the BLACK panhandler's cup.
NARRATOR: This guy has a smart pitch. He gets something every day he's here.
FRAME 4 KEN and others standing on a street corner while traffic races by. KEN is holding a bag of food he was not holding before.
FRAME 5 A TAXI comes close to the curb and a PEDESTRIAN standing on the street jumps back to the curb to avoid being hit.
NARRATOR: I think cabbies compete to see who can hit the most jaywalkers in a day. Winner gets ten bucks for a hummer on [xxx street].
FRAME 6 white panhandler with a big bushy beard of white hair, wearing a hooded windbreaker, sunglasses, and earbuds that lead to an mp3 player. He holds up a cup and shakes it.
NARRATOR: This fucker makes more in a year than I do.
FRAME 7 Closeup of the sunglasses with KEN's distorted reflection.
NARRATOR: I should take a dollar out of his cup.
PAGE 9
FRAME 1 ADAM the crazy panhandler wears a sign that says “THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS”.
NARRATOR: This guy is my favorite. I bring him a couple bagels every morning
FRAME 2 Another PEDESTRIAN drops some money in ADAM's cup.
ADAM: “I WILL SUCK YOUR DICK!”
PEDESTRIAN: “No, thank you.”
ADAM: “I AM A BAD BOY!”
FRAME 3 KEN's hand giving ADAM's the bag of bagels with his sign in the background. It curves about the top of the bag in much the same shape as when he stares at it.
KEN: “Here you go, Adam.”
ADAM: “YOU WERE A MISTAKE!”
FRAME 4 KEN turning away from ADAM and walking up the stairs to his office.
ADAM: “THE DEAD ARE NOT YOUR FAULT! HEAVEN SHAT ON YOU!”
NARRATOR: He's better than TV.
FRAME 5 KEN's hand pushing a revolving door.
ADAM(out of frame): “I WILL SUCK YOUR DICK!”