(no subject)
i have finally come up with a reasonably decision as to why i won't go to CACC for 2 years and save money while i get some basic college credits in.
BECAUSE I CAN'T STAY HOME FOR ANOTHER FREAKING 2 YEARS!!!!!
its bad enough i still have another year to be in this house. i can't stand my mom. i want so bad to be able to look her in the eyes and say "I don't need you anymore, you have no more control over me or my life." this was the conversation that mom and i had after my wreck when she decided to let me know what my punishment was:
"You are gonna stay home for the rest of the summer and clean house. you will do what ever i ask you, understand?"
"Yes ma'am."
"That means you won't be going back to camp."
I start to tear up. "mom, no. why camp?"
"because i knew taking camp away will hurt you the most, and i want to hurt you more than anything."
if only i could say she said that with a straight face. nooo, that wouldn't have hurt enough. she had to smile as she said it. she had to look into my crying eyes and smile while she told me she wanted to hurt me.
so i was good. i didn't complain about not going, after all they let me go while they were away simply because they didn't want me home alone. i did everything i was asked to do. i didn't talk back to her for 2 whole months. i've been this model child. and so she told me that if ryan was going to visit this week, i could go with him. so last night i went and had one of the best nights of my life. and then today, ryan wants to go back and spend the rest of the week down there. "mom, can i go." "no." "why not, you said if ryan went--" "you wrecked my car, you don't deserve to be with people who love you." at least it was over the phone and i didn't see her smile.
so after 2 months, my mom still wants more than anything to hurt me.
so here's my plan. i get a parking space and work out some schedule with brent where i can have his car in the afternoons to drive to work. i work after school, and i save money. and i save as much money as i stinking can. and i manage a way to keep my school work up too. and when i save enough, i buy a car, straight up. a used one, but no payments, just pay for whole thing, like ryan did. and then once summer starts i quit whatever job i have, and go be a summer worker for camp. and all money i have, goes to my education. and gas. gas will be much needed. and once i start college, i will get another job. and i will work and work and work. and keep up my schoolwork. and all money i make will go to my education and gas and food. in that order. and one day, one great day, i will look my mom in the eye and say "i don't need you anymore. you no longer have any control over me or my life. Stay away from me. i don't want you to have any part of my life."
and as i say it....
i will smile.
thanks for you time.
BECAUSE I CAN'T STAY HOME FOR ANOTHER FREAKING 2 YEARS!!!!!
its bad enough i still have another year to be in this house. i can't stand my mom. i want so bad to be able to look her in the eyes and say "I don't need you anymore, you have no more control over me or my life." this was the conversation that mom and i had after my wreck when she decided to let me know what my punishment was:
"You are gonna stay home for the rest of the summer and clean house. you will do what ever i ask you, understand?"
"Yes ma'am."
"That means you won't be going back to camp."
I start to tear up. "mom, no. why camp?"
"because i knew taking camp away will hurt you the most, and i want to hurt you more than anything."
if only i could say she said that with a straight face. nooo, that wouldn't have hurt enough. she had to smile as she said it. she had to look into my crying eyes and smile while she told me she wanted to hurt me.
so i was good. i didn't complain about not going, after all they let me go while they were away simply because they didn't want me home alone. i did everything i was asked to do. i didn't talk back to her for 2 whole months. i've been this model child. and so she told me that if ryan was going to visit this week, i could go with him. so last night i went and had one of the best nights of my life. and then today, ryan wants to go back and spend the rest of the week down there. "mom, can i go." "no." "why not, you said if ryan went--" "you wrecked my car, you don't deserve to be with people who love you." at least it was over the phone and i didn't see her smile.
so after 2 months, my mom still wants more than anything to hurt me.
so here's my plan. i get a parking space and work out some schedule with brent where i can have his car in the afternoons to drive to work. i work after school, and i save money. and i save as much money as i stinking can. and i manage a way to keep my school work up too. and when i save enough, i buy a car, straight up. a used one, but no payments, just pay for whole thing, like ryan did. and then once summer starts i quit whatever job i have, and go be a summer worker for camp. and all money i have, goes to my education. and gas. gas will be much needed. and once i start college, i will get another job. and i will work and work and work. and keep up my schoolwork. and all money i make will go to my education and gas and food. in that order. and one day, one great day, i will look my mom in the eye and say "i don't need you anymore. you no longer have any control over me or my life. Stay away from me. i don't want you to have any part of my life."
and as i say it....
i will smile.
thanks for you time.