High School
So I offically graduate next saturday (the saturday after this upcoming one) and im kind of sad about this. High School ended up being so disappointing as a whole. My parents are nazis and attempt to remove all fun from life, to them the only thing that has ever mattered is my grades. They literally made me go to Damien because they didnt like my old group of friends from san dimas high school. I think they literally qualify as insane. Senior year as a whole was the biggest disappointment of my entire life, sure i had good times this year but i had good times laying on my hospital bed after my surgery sophomore year. My best friend fought with my brother the entire year and the fight's still going on. I think i dealt with a total of 4 suicidal friends, I had to deal with 2 at the exact same time for an entire month. For some reason i became the counselor that people came to when they had problems. Just hearing all this shit took the joy right out of life and almost numbed me to everything going on around me. I think something around 6 people that i know died this year or developed chornic illnesses. Roi and i then came up short at the TOC, and that bad decision was heart breaking. I've been searching for myself since feburary and i cant find myself for the love of god. Yeah, yeah I know I am a nice, funny, compassionate 17 year old who cares about others. But i cant pinpoint who or what i am, I just feel so numb to everything in general. When i hear about someone's death i am moved for 30 seconds then i go on fucking around and doing stupid shit. I just got yelled at by my dad, i basically ignored him and shrugged it off, for some reason i really dont care about anybody but myself. Sure i will have everyone's back in a fight and i will be there to try and help everyone through bad times but somethings different, its like i am almost scared of being forced to be strong emotionally while everyone is weak around me. I know that everyone has their baggage but why cant people shrug it off, just mention it for 5 minutes, then laugh at their misfortune & move on to another subject. And besides southern california eating my soul, i am so fucking lost without School & Debate. These two activities took up so much of my time that now that they are gone, i have no idea what to do. I just bought a new video game and ive been watching a ton of movies. Its literally like there is no point to my life, I show up to school sit there relaxing in a way, make everyone laugh then come home and try to occupy my time. Im so fucking bored i just watched the same music video 10 times. Ive been watching it the whole time ive been writing this its called "American Jesus" by Bad Religion - its one of the 10 best songs of all time.