ha ha ha
ya know it is weird how life goes! One minute shit is so bad you dont care if you live another day. The next it is all ok. This is my first real night in my place and I have already set up my friend and my roomate! GO CUPID ME!!!!!!! Ya know I can never ever find a good guy but when I do I give it up to my friends. She deserves a good guy way more then I do anyways! I really hope they hit it off because wow the sparks are flying everywhere!!!
So as usual I sit here at the computer. Scared to death of ever finding what I help my friends find. I have found I am now scared of dating!!!!! How crazy is that? I guess after what I went through it is normal but to me is is just weird. I have NEVER been afraid of dating! I just want to stay as far from any kind of relationship as I can. If I didnt know who someone really was after a year whos to say things might not change after 3 years next time! It just seems uber creepy to me. I have found that the trust factor for EVERYONE has dropped big time. And you know what? I dont really like that. I want to be as trusting as I have always been. But I have tried and I guess it isnt going to happen.
I guess I will heal from all that thought some day. I will one day be able to blindly trust people again. I think it will just take alot of healing and slow recovery. But for now I am going to be selfish. I am going to relax and enjoy life. Why is it so important for someone to find "the one"? Mabye "my one" is going to come along when I am sixty! Mabye I already found that love and gave it up because I couldnt handle it. That is more likely the situation! Ha ha ha I have come to the realization that I had that true love and I gave it up. Thats ok because ya know what? I AM A BAD SIGNIFICANT OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to stay single.
When I get into a relationship I screw everything up. I mean its not like I go into it saying ok this is a good one so lets fuck up everything possible. It just happens naturally ha ha ha. I am a natural fuck up and always will be!!!!!!! I should not subject innocent people to my fucked up mentality. If I do I need to find a person who has baggage that fits with mine. Ha ha ha well there goes that because I dont think there is a strong enough person in this world to handle my bullshit! If I do find that person I will crown them with gold and worship at their feet.
Ok I am going to take my meds and drift off into a nice deep coma HA HA HA! *peace and love to everyone*
So as usual I sit here at the computer. Scared to death of ever finding what I help my friends find. I have found I am now scared of dating!!!!! How crazy is that? I guess after what I went through it is normal but to me is is just weird. I have NEVER been afraid of dating! I just want to stay as far from any kind of relationship as I can. If I didnt know who someone really was after a year whos to say things might not change after 3 years next time! It just seems uber creepy to me. I have found that the trust factor for EVERYONE has dropped big time. And you know what? I dont really like that. I want to be as trusting as I have always been. But I have tried and I guess it isnt going to happen.
I guess I will heal from all that thought some day. I will one day be able to blindly trust people again. I think it will just take alot of healing and slow recovery. But for now I am going to be selfish. I am going to relax and enjoy life. Why is it so important for someone to find "the one"? Mabye "my one" is going to come along when I am sixty! Mabye I already found that love and gave it up because I couldnt handle it. That is more likely the situation! Ha ha ha I have come to the realization that I had that true love and I gave it up. Thats ok because ya know what? I AM A BAD SIGNIFICANT OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to stay single.
When I get into a relationship I screw everything up. I mean its not like I go into it saying ok this is a good one so lets fuck up everything possible. It just happens naturally ha ha ha. I am a natural fuck up and always will be!!!!!!! I should not subject innocent people to my fucked up mentality. If I do I need to find a person who has baggage that fits with mine. Ha ha ha well there goes that because I dont think there is a strong enough person in this world to handle my bullshit! If I do find that person I will crown them with gold and worship at their feet.
Ok I am going to take my meds and drift off into a nice deep coma HA HA HA! *peace and love to everyone*