I always said I need to post more adventures.
This is the boring kind you can skip over.
Just some stuff about recent events.
Inspired by shandybang 's cathartic post about love, life, and trust...
Geez, I don't even know where to start.
Just like steve, I got to meet my dream guy and spend a great weekend with him that left me in tears, but my story comes from a different place.
----
Workin'. I'm working all the time. 40hrs a week, night shifts, split. I get Thursday and Sunday off.
It's great to be making money and I really enjoy my job as I'm really good at it. I've been on the floor for 2 weeks, and already, top 5 for my team. When I start to get bugged out, I can just look up and see my name up there and feel better about myself.
Still having trouble collecting a paycheck tho. I'm having trouble taking my breaks on time, my boss msgs me and tells me to go, marking my hours correctly in the system, and still filling out and dropping off the Kelly services paystub at the end of the week. Right now I'm still employed by Kelly services and am paid through Kelly. After 3 months on the floor at PayPal, the option to converge comes up. I don't want to fuck with that. I really want to be picked up by PayPal. This job is awesome and being employed by eBay would be rad as shit.
Last week I forgot the paystub so I put in two this week. Should be getting paid just over $1100 this week hopefully on Friday. It's been kinda rough not having money. I have to put first months rent on a place to get the keys and get out on my own. It's possible that this time next week I'll be living on my own in a big empty apartment.
I've had to ask my mom twice for money in the last week and I'm afraid I will have to again before payday. She tries to employ this tough-love tactic at the worst fucking times. When I just want money to dick around with, she's there. When I'm really broke and need food, she squeezes the vice. Maybe there's a method to her madness.
I'm working very hard to be completely independent and not rely on anyone for support. This job is going a long way towards that.
At work, we have a knowledge base. If I'm having trouble coming up with an answer for someone, I can put them on hold and check the KB. I guess that's why I'm posting this. As hard as it is and as much as I hate this feeling of vulnerability, I'm adding something to the KB... talking points... something for reference.
----
Love'n.
Most recently, I've been chatting with this cat, Warren. He's from around here. Big native guy who's into other big guys. We never really met up before last week. Someone had told me about this good chinese place in the area and I called him up to see if he wanted to grab some food. He said he was down. I was out that day in the rainy vancouver streets looking for a home. On the bus I usually fire up Yahoo on the phone and chat. Warren was on, and I figured I'd ask him if he wanted to get some food. So I called him up, and he said he was game. So, whew, finally gonna meet up. Cool. At least I know Matt, who's also coming out and told me about the chinese place.
We all met up at the restaurant. Me and Matt did most of the talking, and Warren was just kinda smiling and nodding. He was just very shy, but polite. After dinner, Matt had to bounce to go work out, and offered me a lift, but I said naw I'm coo.. you go ahead. Left me and Warren.. we just kinda started walking. Chris was doing D&D that night and I was like eh, I'm gonna stay out a big longer. Wanna check out a movie or something? it was raining a bit but still ok for walking. Warren had an umbrella, but I just toughed it and got wet.
We walked by the theatre and saw the movie we wanted to see wasn't on for a few hours, so we decided to go get a drink and kick it. Walked for what felt like a while in the rain. It was kinda nice. Both smiling and just enjoying the moment. Nothing crazy romantic was happening. He said I had a really nice smile and he always kept kinda looking off into the distance smiling. It was cute and contageous. Finally we found a bar.. scuzzy lil place called Moonrakers. Got a table in the back.. he got a pint, I got a bottle. I was just chain smoking. He killed the pint in like 2 drinks. I was chugging to catch up. Got another round and I was totally buzzy. We talked about a lot of different things.. family.. views on life and relationships.. both agree that casual hook ups are out, but I hear that a lot and I know it doesn't mean much. You need experience to back it up, which I don't believe he has.
Things started to get kind of quiet and I suggested we bounce.. I was getting lit and the conversation was drying up.
Umm.. when we used to chat online, once the topic of meeting up came up.. and I guess I was feeling pretty outgoing at the time.. I don't really remember how it came up, but there was a running joke, i guess.. that if he asked me to make out, I'd say yes.. but he'd be too shy to ask.
Now I was pretty uninhibited by this time. We walked more and I led him to the less busy side of the mall.. it was quiet.. not many people, no cars, no one looking out their window.. and was being Mr Charm.. asked him.. remember that question you wanted to ask me?
took him a minute to remember and he started laughing and blushed hella bad. I sat down on the ledge of a flower box and he kept walking. I just sat there smiling.. he turned around and slowly walked back.. I was like.. well?
he asked me if I wanted to make out.. I said sure. he came in and kissed me. it was really really nice. the earth moved for me. Just felt really good to just say fuck it and go for something fun that was so honestly me. not worry about who was around or whatever... just do it. just Nike it.
later, after more walking, I dropped him off at the bus and then got shot in the face. see previous post.
----
Love'n 2
Mr Kong. The big K. The letter that completes my name.
Since I moved out here I've been down to see him twice. The first time was pretty rushed and we didn't get a whole lot of time to just.. ya know.. see what's what.
The 2nd time was 2 weeks ago. First weekend of Oct.
The whole trip down was a trip man. Just all this shit happening that was fate. Really made me beleive I was on the right path and in this moment, this is my place in time. I am where I should be. And it was awesome.
When I got there it was tough to get the ball rolling. Me, Kong and his friend Dan went out to get some food. I was like uhhh... aguhh.. being a total nerd. All quiet and unsure of myself. Dan's pretty quiet too. They were talking about cars and stuff. I was the Warren there.
There was a big security guard there who was hangin around, being a general annoyance by proxy. He was just staring at us and for a time I saw Kong staring back at him and he gave him a curious "hi..." smile. I was like fuck that.. you did not just fucking do that after I just fucking got here..
He says it didn't happen like that, but uhh.. I'm still not convinced I'm wrong. It's all good tho.
The weekend played out pretty safe. We talked a lil bit here and there, hung out, did stuff, ate food.
Pardon me if I skip to the chase, I feel like most people are sick about hearing about my Kong adventures and I don't want to keep you wrapped up in the lil things.
On Sunday, it was like ok.. I gotta leave today. If we're going to have a moment, it has to be now. And we did... a big one : )
We went to get some food, then took a drive a parked on this hill. Talked a bit. About what we're after in our own lives and if things have changed in respect to what we're after relationship wise. Just pretty general stuff. But man... there's something about Kong... just makes me throw down arms... disarms all my defences and makes me feel so vulnerable and safe. In my day to day life I just think with my left brain and go to work, eat when I'm hungry, smoke when I'm craving one. But as soon as I spend a day or two with Kong, my right brain picks up and all the deep wells of love and hate and hurt and joy just open up... I just started crying and I don't know why. I haven't cried in almost a year, and the last time was when I was talking to him too. In my day to day, I don't use my emotions. But as soon as I'm around Kong, it just opens up. And I couldn't stop for like the rest of the day. Mostly it was tears of joy... I was smiling and happy, but just bawlin. lol
Finally when we decided to get down from the mountain, he's just like.. Nic, I always wanted to tell you something.. I want to thank you.. just for being you and being part of my life. I try to imagine my life if I hadn't met you and damn.
Of course I'm already crying lol. And I told him something I'd been meaning to tell him for a long time too. I heard once that your soulmate is the person who makes you feel most like you.. and no matter who we end up with in life, he would always be my soulmate.
And it was all really heavy.
---
Back to reality.
Coming back home to reality, I finally had to cap that emotional shit. Get on the bus and come home. I swear, I will never take the bus again. It was the kind with no legroom, os I Was sitting sideways with my knee agains the back of a seat. The chick there was trying to recline so I just kept my eyes closed and kinda.. forced agains the seat. like fuck off. now let me tell ya... people get STUPID about reclining seats. it's like hte twilight zone. this is the only situation where people physically hurt eachother and have a completely non verbal battle that is NEVER acknowledged or spoken about. You never look the person in the eye or talk about it. so this bitch decided to reach around and grab my foot which I had braced against the seat and try to move it. like wtf are you doing, whore.. don't touch me. I open my eyes and look at her and she's just staring at my foot, wrenching at it.. I just got insanely mad and kicked her hand off. she just sat down and faced forward and didn't say a word. the people who saw it were looking at me totally wide eyed like whoa.
Never again. I hate it. It's sub-human.
But I'm back home now.
The crazy shit never stops happening and I'm just rolling with the punches. I have to keep beleiving that I'm in my space and time and everything is happening for a reason and the ultimate will be worth it.
I'm going to get settled in my new crib and hopefully take a trip to Ottawa next feb or something. I invited Kong, but it's his call. He says he doesn't know.
We'll see what happens next.
Just some stuff about recent events.
Inspired by shandybang 's cathartic post about love, life, and trust...
Geez, I don't even know where to start.
Just like steve, I got to meet my dream guy and spend a great weekend with him that left me in tears, but my story comes from a different place.
----
Workin'. I'm working all the time. 40hrs a week, night shifts, split. I get Thursday and Sunday off.
It's great to be making money and I really enjoy my job as I'm really good at it. I've been on the floor for 2 weeks, and already, top 5 for my team. When I start to get bugged out, I can just look up and see my name up there and feel better about myself.
Still having trouble collecting a paycheck tho. I'm having trouble taking my breaks on time, my boss msgs me and tells me to go, marking my hours correctly in the system, and still filling out and dropping off the Kelly services paystub at the end of the week. Right now I'm still employed by Kelly services and am paid through Kelly. After 3 months on the floor at PayPal, the option to converge comes up. I don't want to fuck with that. I really want to be picked up by PayPal. This job is awesome and being employed by eBay would be rad as shit.
Last week I forgot the paystub so I put in two this week. Should be getting paid just over $1100 this week hopefully on Friday. It's been kinda rough not having money. I have to put first months rent on a place to get the keys and get out on my own. It's possible that this time next week I'll be living on my own in a big empty apartment.
I've had to ask my mom twice for money in the last week and I'm afraid I will have to again before payday. She tries to employ this tough-love tactic at the worst fucking times. When I just want money to dick around with, she's there. When I'm really broke and need food, she squeezes the vice. Maybe there's a method to her madness.
I'm working very hard to be completely independent and not rely on anyone for support. This job is going a long way towards that.
At work, we have a knowledge base. If I'm having trouble coming up with an answer for someone, I can put them on hold and check the KB. I guess that's why I'm posting this. As hard as it is and as much as I hate this feeling of vulnerability, I'm adding something to the KB... talking points... something for reference.
----
Love'n.
Most recently, I've been chatting with this cat, Warren. He's from around here. Big native guy who's into other big guys. We never really met up before last week. Someone had told me about this good chinese place in the area and I called him up to see if he wanted to grab some food. He said he was down. I was out that day in the rainy vancouver streets looking for a home. On the bus I usually fire up Yahoo on the phone and chat. Warren was on, and I figured I'd ask him if he wanted to get some food. So I called him up, and he said he was game. So, whew, finally gonna meet up. Cool. At least I know Matt, who's also coming out and told me about the chinese place.
We all met up at the restaurant. Me and Matt did most of the talking, and Warren was just kinda smiling and nodding. He was just very shy, but polite. After dinner, Matt had to bounce to go work out, and offered me a lift, but I said naw I'm coo.. you go ahead. Left me and Warren.. we just kinda started walking. Chris was doing D&D that night and I was like eh, I'm gonna stay out a big longer. Wanna check out a movie or something? it was raining a bit but still ok for walking. Warren had an umbrella, but I just toughed it and got wet.
We walked by the theatre and saw the movie we wanted to see wasn't on for a few hours, so we decided to go get a drink and kick it. Walked for what felt like a while in the rain. It was kinda nice. Both smiling and just enjoying the moment. Nothing crazy romantic was happening. He said I had a really nice smile and he always kept kinda looking off into the distance smiling. It was cute and contageous. Finally we found a bar.. scuzzy lil place called Moonrakers. Got a table in the back.. he got a pint, I got a bottle. I was just chain smoking. He killed the pint in like 2 drinks. I was chugging to catch up. Got another round and I was totally buzzy. We talked about a lot of different things.. family.. views on life and relationships.. both agree that casual hook ups are out, but I hear that a lot and I know it doesn't mean much. You need experience to back it up, which I don't believe he has.
Things started to get kind of quiet and I suggested we bounce.. I was getting lit and the conversation was drying up.
Umm.. when we used to chat online, once the topic of meeting up came up.. and I guess I was feeling pretty outgoing at the time.. I don't really remember how it came up, but there was a running joke, i guess.. that if he asked me to make out, I'd say yes.. but he'd be too shy to ask.
Now I was pretty uninhibited by this time. We walked more and I led him to the less busy side of the mall.. it was quiet.. not many people, no cars, no one looking out their window.. and was being Mr Charm.. asked him.. remember that question you wanted to ask me?
took him a minute to remember and he started laughing and blushed hella bad. I sat down on the ledge of a flower box and he kept walking. I just sat there smiling.. he turned around and slowly walked back.. I was like.. well?
he asked me if I wanted to make out.. I said sure. he came in and kissed me. it was really really nice. the earth moved for me. Just felt really good to just say fuck it and go for something fun that was so honestly me. not worry about who was around or whatever... just do it. just Nike it.
later, after more walking, I dropped him off at the bus and then got shot in the face. see previous post.
----
Love'n 2
Mr Kong. The big K. The letter that completes my name.
Since I moved out here I've been down to see him twice. The first time was pretty rushed and we didn't get a whole lot of time to just.. ya know.. see what's what.
The 2nd time was 2 weeks ago. First weekend of Oct.
The whole trip down was a trip man. Just all this shit happening that was fate. Really made me beleive I was on the right path and in this moment, this is my place in time. I am where I should be. And it was awesome.
When I got there it was tough to get the ball rolling. Me, Kong and his friend Dan went out to get some food. I was like uhhh... aguhh.. being a total nerd. All quiet and unsure of myself. Dan's pretty quiet too. They were talking about cars and stuff. I was the Warren there.
There was a big security guard there who was hangin around, being a general annoyance by proxy. He was just staring at us and for a time I saw Kong staring back at him and he gave him a curious "hi..." smile. I was like fuck that.. you did not just fucking do that after I just fucking got here..
He says it didn't happen like that, but uhh.. I'm still not convinced I'm wrong. It's all good tho.
The weekend played out pretty safe. We talked a lil bit here and there, hung out, did stuff, ate food.
Pardon me if I skip to the chase, I feel like most people are sick about hearing about my Kong adventures and I don't want to keep you wrapped up in the lil things.
On Sunday, it was like ok.. I gotta leave today. If we're going to have a moment, it has to be now. And we did... a big one : )
We went to get some food, then took a drive a parked on this hill. Talked a bit. About what we're after in our own lives and if things have changed in respect to what we're after relationship wise. Just pretty general stuff. But man... there's something about Kong... just makes me throw down arms... disarms all my defences and makes me feel so vulnerable and safe. In my day to day life I just think with my left brain and go to work, eat when I'm hungry, smoke when I'm craving one. But as soon as I spend a day or two with Kong, my right brain picks up and all the deep wells of love and hate and hurt and joy just open up... I just started crying and I don't know why. I haven't cried in almost a year, and the last time was when I was talking to him too. In my day to day, I don't use my emotions. But as soon as I'm around Kong, it just opens up. And I couldn't stop for like the rest of the day. Mostly it was tears of joy... I was smiling and happy, but just bawlin. lol
Finally when we decided to get down from the mountain, he's just like.. Nic, I always wanted to tell you something.. I want to thank you.. just for being you and being part of my life. I try to imagine my life if I hadn't met you and damn.
Of course I'm already crying lol. And I told him something I'd been meaning to tell him for a long time too. I heard once that your soulmate is the person who makes you feel most like you.. and no matter who we end up with in life, he would always be my soulmate.
And it was all really heavy.
---
Back to reality.
Coming back home to reality, I finally had to cap that emotional shit. Get on the bus and come home. I swear, I will never take the bus again. It was the kind with no legroom, os I Was sitting sideways with my knee agains the back of a seat. The chick there was trying to recline so I just kept my eyes closed and kinda.. forced agains the seat. like fuck off. now let me tell ya... people get STUPID about reclining seats. it's like hte twilight zone. this is the only situation where people physically hurt eachother and have a completely non verbal battle that is NEVER acknowledged or spoken about. You never look the person in the eye or talk about it. so this bitch decided to reach around and grab my foot which I had braced against the seat and try to move it. like wtf are you doing, whore.. don't touch me. I open my eyes and look at her and she's just staring at my foot, wrenching at it.. I just got insanely mad and kicked her hand off. she just sat down and faced forward and didn't say a word. the people who saw it were looking at me totally wide eyed like whoa.
Never again. I hate it. It's sub-human.
But I'm back home now.
The crazy shit never stops happening and I'm just rolling with the punches. I have to keep beleiving that I'm in my space and time and everything is happening for a reason and the ultimate will be worth it.
I'm going to get settled in my new crib and hopefully take a trip to Ottawa next feb or something. I invited Kong, but it's his call. He says he doesn't know.
We'll see what happens next.