The sad ending of a chapter of life...

[bbsync]

So I finally told Jake that I am not going back with him, no more negotiations. And while I feel it's for the best... now I feel so terribly and overwhelmingly empty. Every so often when I can get my head above water, though, I feel free. It felt like I wasn't me anymore, I was turning into who he wanted me to be... he says that's not his fault, but I think its a good reason to leave. I never used to be like this... I would want to go to concerts or just to the mall... and I was getting so much better socially until I felt like I had to box myself in to make him happy. He said that he worried and wanted to know where I was and stuff, but it got to a point where it felt like I had to ask him permission. I dunno. I just thought a lot last night and most of today and I just felt it... the "it's time to be over, you'll be alright, just do it," feeling. Now that I've done it I don't quite feel that way... but I'm pushing through hoping that it'll get better...

He will always be my first love.