Too Much Deep Thinking Will Make Your Head Explode
so.. thoughts...
I'm going to try to make this as little "dear diary" as possible, because well, these automatically import to facebook, as you all know, and I don't want everyone to have the impression that they're reading Brandon's latest diary entry!
People... they confuse me so....
Its odd, never before did I feel I was a 'carpe diem' type of person but lately, well, lately I feel I am one of its last survivors. I've spent the last couple days walking. Walking a lot! I'm not quite certain why, I just felt like exploring this city of mine I suppose.
First night, Noodle accompanied me. We had a grand time, although he wasn't exactly much for conversation. (Also, never before had I considered the awkwardness of a constant fear that my buddy was going to poo in the middle of the sidewalk :P) Regardless, I feel we both enjoyed the sites equally. It was fun, we went EVERYWHERE. Noodle did awesome, and thank god when he did finally poo we were in the grass and no one was around. :) (teehe).
Anyway, onward, to the actual point of me talking about this... some thoughts crossed my mind.. quite a few actually...
As I was walking back from a spot I've grown quite fond of, I saw a young-looking couple. They were pretty stereotypical in retrospect, but, well, watching and hearing her laugh as she took pictures of him acting like a goofball made me smile. As Noodle and I approached from the side, for it was kind of a secluded area, they started kissing and Noodle and I tried to get the hell-outta there without being noticed! Heh, it was funny though, I mean, awkward, don't get me wrong, but at the same time, I wanted to laugh/smile/frown/cry/yell/and well just say howdy! hehehe. For a second I think I was even jealous.... I'm not quite certain if that is a bad thing or not, but well, I'd like to think at least I'm aware of my current single-hood and somewhat dissatisfaction due to a wanted accompaniment. I understand its a thing that comes, that happens, its just, well, I haven't thought this clearly, been this confident, been as open, been as kind, and been as truly real in myself as I am right now, but still.... blank pages...
Its odd. Nothing to complain about, just my thought process a rollin'. But today, well, today was a little different. Today, I wanted to be alone. I left Noodle at home, and again I set off. I went to my new favorite spot in the city, I'm not quite certain exactly why, its just... nice... I suppose. Its weird, in a city of nearly 2 million I can go here, which would seemingly be a busy place, and there is not a soul in sight. So I climb on rocks and pillars, swing on poles, walk up handle bars, and just sit, and gaze at the river, and campus, and the flickering lights of the towering buildings, and watch the stadium getting ever-closer to completion, and squint due to the extraordinarily bright lights of the baseball field.
And well... some things came to mind. First, my sister. Go figure. I called her, just to see how she was doing; damn I worry so much about her sometimes. Afterward I sat for quite a while longer and just breathed in the fresh air - fresh air is pretty hard to come by in the city, but it can be found if you look hard enough (given of course you've got squeaky clean nasal passages.. *sigh* good-ol-allegra-D). Anyway, there was this huge piece of driftwood right next to the river, I scoped it out, that'll be for my next adventure; funny thing though, I so much wish that adventure would be with someone else. But not just anyone, but well, someone that can sit there, aside me, not say a word, and just gaze, think, get lost in one's own thoughts, and then be brought back by the goofiest or most serious of remarks. I thought about who that just might be, who that could be. Right now the only person that I think would enjoy that as much as I would be "strange girl." (if you are uncertain who this is, it probably isn't you.) I'm not sure why, and well, the fact that we wouldn't ever work has been established, but that doesn't mean I can't wish for someone with such an outlook at my side. *sigh*
Is it too much to ask for, to ask for someone that is special? And sure, everyone is special, but well, some people have the ability to change our very lives with as little as a few words, or a single action, or well, even nothing at all. I've run into a couple ladies that have done that, but well, extenuating circumstances always seems to arise. Just a strange, special girl. Someone that is concrete and real - to touch of course, but moreso, real in being. (Being, such a vague word, its like saying oh, of such emotion I was that day.) Well, basically, I just, I cannot stand the idea of being "flakey." And sure, what is flakey to me probably isn't the same to that of the instigator, the flaker if you will. But well, I find I build up quite a bit of confidence in people rather quickly after meeting, after opening up to them. In my mind, that kind of realism makes it a concrete thing, but well... reality so many times seems to prove me incorrect.
Its just... sad...
Why must everything end up being sad? Hmm... excellent question. Oh well, thats life. (ARG, I'm starting to despise my overuse of that statement, its like a lazy opt-out.) No, that isn't life, that is an aspect, of certain individuals with respect to me, which well, is only sad to me. So yeah, I'm gonna stop being sad, because I find that I've been looking at things much too detailed through the eyes of myself, and not the eyes of thy (oooh. awesome word. i'm so totally gonna bring it back!). So yeah, new goal, stop being unintentionally blind and selfish. I know I'm a pretty damn accepting person, but I think thats probably something we could all work on.
Anyway, long story short(ish). I had a blast. Everyone should go out and explore their neighborhood/city/town/village/ghetto/campus/local museum/up-stairs/closet whatever it is that you are quite unfamiliar with. For somehow, somehow, seeing that which is unfamiliar, is able to bring a whole lot of clarity to that which is not.
Have a splendid day all,
-brandon
I'm going to try to make this as little "dear diary" as possible, because well, these automatically import to facebook, as you all know, and I don't want everyone to have the impression that they're reading Brandon's latest diary entry!
People... they confuse me so....
Its odd, never before did I feel I was a 'carpe diem' type of person but lately, well, lately I feel I am one of its last survivors. I've spent the last couple days walking. Walking a lot! I'm not quite certain why, I just felt like exploring this city of mine I suppose.
First night, Noodle accompanied me. We had a grand time, although he wasn't exactly much for conversation. (Also, never before had I considered the awkwardness of a constant fear that my buddy was going to poo in the middle of the sidewalk :P) Regardless, I feel we both enjoyed the sites equally. It was fun, we went EVERYWHERE. Noodle did awesome, and thank god when he did finally poo we were in the grass and no one was around. :) (teehe).
Anyway, onward, to the actual point of me talking about this... some thoughts crossed my mind.. quite a few actually...
As I was walking back from a spot I've grown quite fond of, I saw a young-looking couple. They were pretty stereotypical in retrospect, but, well, watching and hearing her laugh as she took pictures of him acting like a goofball made me smile. As Noodle and I approached from the side, for it was kind of a secluded area, they started kissing and Noodle and I tried to get the hell-outta there without being noticed! Heh, it was funny though, I mean, awkward, don't get me wrong, but at the same time, I wanted to laugh/smile/frown/cry/yell/and well just say howdy! hehehe. For a second I think I was even jealous.... I'm not quite certain if that is a bad thing or not, but well, I'd like to think at least I'm aware of my current single-hood and somewhat dissatisfaction due to a wanted accompaniment. I understand its a thing that comes, that happens, its just, well, I haven't thought this clearly, been this confident, been as open, been as kind, and been as truly real in myself as I am right now, but still.... blank pages...
Its odd. Nothing to complain about, just my thought process a rollin'. But today, well, today was a little different. Today, I wanted to be alone. I left Noodle at home, and again I set off. I went to my new favorite spot in the city, I'm not quite certain exactly why, its just... nice... I suppose. Its weird, in a city of nearly 2 million I can go here, which would seemingly be a busy place, and there is not a soul in sight. So I climb on rocks and pillars, swing on poles, walk up handle bars, and just sit, and gaze at the river, and campus, and the flickering lights of the towering buildings, and watch the stadium getting ever-closer to completion, and squint due to the extraordinarily bright lights of the baseball field.
And well... some things came to mind. First, my sister. Go figure. I called her, just to see how she was doing; damn I worry so much about her sometimes. Afterward I sat for quite a while longer and just breathed in the fresh air - fresh air is pretty hard to come by in the city, but it can be found if you look hard enough (given of course you've got squeaky clean nasal passages.. *sigh* good-ol-allegra-D). Anyway, there was this huge piece of driftwood right next to the river, I scoped it out, that'll be for my next adventure; funny thing though, I so much wish that adventure would be with someone else. But not just anyone, but well, someone that can sit there, aside me, not say a word, and just gaze, think, get lost in one's own thoughts, and then be brought back by the goofiest or most serious of remarks. I thought about who that just might be, who that could be. Right now the only person that I think would enjoy that as much as I would be "strange girl." (if you are uncertain who this is, it probably isn't you.) I'm not sure why, and well, the fact that we wouldn't ever work has been established, but that doesn't mean I can't wish for someone with such an outlook at my side. *sigh*
Is it too much to ask for, to ask for someone that is special? And sure, everyone is special, but well, some people have the ability to change our very lives with as little as a few words, or a single action, or well, even nothing at all. I've run into a couple ladies that have done that, but well, extenuating circumstances always seems to arise. Just a strange, special girl. Someone that is concrete and real - to touch of course, but moreso, real in being. (Being, such a vague word, its like saying oh, of such emotion I was that day.) Well, basically, I just, I cannot stand the idea of being "flakey." And sure, what is flakey to me probably isn't the same to that of the instigator, the flaker if you will. But well, I find I build up quite a bit of confidence in people rather quickly after meeting, after opening up to them. In my mind, that kind of realism makes it a concrete thing, but well... reality so many times seems to prove me incorrect.
Its just... sad...
Why must everything end up being sad? Hmm... excellent question. Oh well, thats life. (ARG, I'm starting to despise my overuse of that statement, its like a lazy opt-out.) No, that isn't life, that is an aspect, of certain individuals with respect to me, which well, is only sad to me. So yeah, I'm gonna stop being sad, because I find that I've been looking at things much too detailed through the eyes of myself, and not the eyes of thy (oooh. awesome word. i'm so totally gonna bring it back!). So yeah, new goal, stop being unintentionally blind and selfish. I know I'm a pretty damn accepting person, but I think thats probably something we could all work on.
Anyway, long story short(ish). I had a blast. Everyone should go out and explore their neighborhood/city/town/village/ghetto/campus/local museum/up-stairs/closet whatever it is that you are quite unfamiliar with. For somehow, somehow, seeing that which is unfamiliar, is able to bring a whole lot of clarity to that which is not.
Have a splendid day all,
-brandon