Some Prefer The Title "Corky"
Tonight I had an ephiphany. If that is even how you spell it. That I am alone. I am horribly horribly alone. I feel alone, I am alone often, I keep most of my thoughts to myself, and most of all, I often am alone. Physically. I used to think that I was alright and kind of fun to be around, and I felt good about myself, but lately that has all kind of crashed and burnt.
I feel annoyed with myself. I feel annoyed with who I am, and with my personality. I feel like I annoy others. I know that's just because I annoy myself. I feel like all of a sudden I am not good enough for anyone, and I know that is because I don't feel good enough for myself.
I am kind of sick of who I am.
I am sick of myself.
Thats really bad.
Really bad.
A lot has happened in these past few weeks that could be considered summer. Not all of them I am glad that I witnessed and experienced, but if I could go back then I don't know how much I would change. Not much probably. But, I don't know, it's been complicated. And right now I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I feel like I haven't found my "niche", if you will, which makes me feel out of place wherever I go. I thought I had found it, but now I think those people don't like me all that much. I just feel like I don't belong. Wallowing probably won't make me feel any better either.
I put out this image to my parents that I am so happy and that I have a lot of friends, and they all like me. But I defiantely don't feel that way.
I'm being boring. I'll stop. You don't need to read this at all.
Sorry I said anything.