Fate Meets Destiny: Chapter Thirteen
Title: Fate Meets Destiny
Author: bbmgirlfan
Pairing: Ennis/Jack (AU/AU)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: just playing with the boys, they don't belong to me
Summary: Jack and Ennis grew up together and even went to the same college before moving back home to take over each family's business. They became roommates but that's all they were! Or, is it?
Chapter Thirteen
Jack was sitting on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, still on the phone with John when Ennis came home but they were both winding down the conversation. He could tell immediately that something was wrong and hoped Ennis would stick around so they could talk.
Instead, Ennis waved at Jack as he headed past the living room, and kept on going down the hall. Jack heard the shower start in Ennis's bathroom as he and John got off the phone.
A few minutes later, Jack smelled the lavender/sage shampoo blend he'd created as Ennis came back in pajama bottoms and a tank top/undershirt. Ennis detoured into the kitchen and came out with two beers.
After confirming that Jack had been talking to John and that "things were going well", Ennis sat in silence, so Jack began flipping channels. They landed on a dancing reality show and entertained themselves for a while with critiquing the performances.
"That guy there's not so bad!" Ennis ventured.
"He's terrible!" Jack returned, "But he's hot!"
"Hmm." was Ennis's only response.
Jack watched Ennis fidget through several more performances but didn't say anything, knowing Ennis would tell him when he was ready. But he was beginning to worry because Ennis looked so despondent.
"I fucked up tonight!"
"You did?"
"Yeah," Ennis sighed. "You know that lady that is always coming on to me at the coffeehouse?"
"The Piranha?" Jack asked.
Ennis giggled and affirmed that that was who he meant. "I decided to sleep with her and went over to her house tonight."
"Wow!" Privately, Jack was thinking he couldn't believe Ennis would ever have chosen her. "So what happened?"
"I couldn't get it up!"
Jack could feel the shock all over his face. "Really?"
Ennis shrugged. "I couldn't do it!"
"Did you want to?" Jack asked.
"Not particularly. But that's never stopped me before!" Ennis said.
"You mean sometimes you have sex when you don't want to?"
"Well, I'm a guy!" Ennis responded. "I always want to. But sometimes, I don't particularly want to. Does that make sense?" he asked Jack.
"It does to me. But this time that didn't work, huh?"
"Nope. I don't know, something weird is happening to me," Ennis said, frowning.
"What do you mean?" Jack asked, turning more toward Ennis's chair.
"Well, you know how Joey is always flirting with me?" Jack nodded and laughed. "Well, today, I flirted back," Ennis confided. "I leaned into him a little and he touched me. And I let him."
"Did you get hard?"
"Yeah."
"Did you want to have sex with him?" Jack asked, thinking they might be getting to the heart of the matter.
Ennis shrugged.
"Well, let me put it a different way. When you go to your room, someone's going to be waiting there naked to have sex with you. Who would you want it to be: the Piranha, Joey, me (Jack winked) or someone else," Jack leaned back and waited.
"In fact, why don't you put them in order of preference," Jack suggested.
Ennis rolled his eyes at Jack and clenched his hands together for a minute before answering. "You, Joey, some other girl, Susan." And then, Ennis got up with his empty beer bottle, grabbed Jack's and walked into the kitchen.
Jack followed.
"You can have me, Ennis. John and I don't have any kind of commitment yet. He's a nice guy, but he's not you!"
Ennis stared at him for a moment. "I can't! ... I'm going for a walk."
"In your pajamas?"
"Yep!" Door slammed.
But Ennis didn't go far, just to the edge of the water and sat down. Jack peeked through the curtains and saw him there, but decided to leave him alone.
He felt lightheaded from the realization that Ennis would pick him to have sex with, but that he was determined never to actually go through with it! His stomach was churning.
I want to get to know John but I am never going to feel about him the way I feel about Ennis! But how do I feel about Ennis? I'm attracted to him, but what else?
I think the top of my head is going to come off!!
Jack headed straight for the room he'd converted to a healing room. He loved to walk in there, and did so every day even if only for a few minutes. Tonight, he would definitely need more time than that to get centered and grounded and peaceful again.
He lit a candle, turned on some soothing music, scooped up a handful of crystals and lay down on the massage table. He went through a full healing treatment, using the crystals, hand positions and symbols, paying special attention to his lower chakras.
By the time he climbed off the table, he felt good again, like he'd found his center and given himself a hug. The room felt tingly, so he suspected he'd had angelic help during the healing work he'd done.
What he'd decided was that he was not ready to jump into a relationship with anyone, not even Ennis. He needed to get used to the fact that he was gay, decide what he was going to do about coming out, and settle into it or into knowing it. He still wanted to get to know John, but maybe just as a friend for now.
He felt pretty sure that Ennis was not straight and was attracted to him, but was not ready to know it. So he was going to leave that alone and try to just hang out with him and be around and nurture the friendship. If anything more ever happened, well, then it would. But given Ennis's resistance, he didn't think that would happen anytime soon, if ever.
So he would just have to be okay with that.
Jack decided to take a shower and head for bed but left a light or two on for Ennis.
~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, shivering on the beach, Ennis had not fared so well. His stomach was tied up in knots and his mind seemed to have gone blank as he stared out at the waves. Random thoughts came and went, but they seemed to come at some distance. Two things were especially troubling...
That he might have hurt his very best friend.
And that he seemed to be attracted to him.
Their friendship, and really, their lives, in general, had been nearly perfect for as long as he could remember. Why did that have to change, he wondered.
There is no fucking way I could be gay! And speaking of fucking, a barrage of memories came to him, one right after another, with tall girls, short girls, thin girls, round girls, blond girls, brunette girls. He smiled at each one.
When he thought of never being with another girl, his first reaction was an image. A wedding with no bride and an empty space where the bride was supposed to be. The words "lifelong bachelor" floated into his head.
Then he pictured that same wedding with Jack walking up the aisle. Ennis rolled his eyes.
But I can imagine him in my bed! I guess, technically, that would mean I'm bisexual. Ennis shrugged. Seems to me I'm just open! I'm young. This is a great time for lots of fun experiences, lots of new ones. That's why that trip this summer was perfect.
So hey, if a guy can make me feel good, who cares? Why not?
But not forever! I'm going to get married some day. Settle down. Be respectable!
For some reason, every time Ennis had that talk with himself, about how this carefree time was temporary, his to enjoy while he was young, but destined to give way to a more respectable lifestyle as he grew up and became responsible, he felt oddly depressed. His parents seemed to enjoy respectability! Why wouldn't he?
He would even get to cheat a little by running the coffeehouse! It was on the beach, for god's sake. He really had nothing to complain about and shit, if this was just an issue of who he could fuck, why was he making such a big deal about it? He could fuck anyone who wanted to fuck him until he decided to settle down.
But somehow, he could tell it wasn't that simple.
And he really hated that he might have hurt Jack! He knew their friendship would be okay, though, and he was really grateful for that.
Maybe it was already time for him to become a little more settled. In fact, maybe that was the problem with Susan. Maybe his heart wasn't in it because it was time for him to be done with casual sex.
His head started to hurt from the brain strain!
Maybe he should just go to bed and worry about all this some other time. But he did want to settle the sexuality thing. So, bisexual or not, he thought he should probably be done with casual sex and serious dating was going to be a heterosexual pursuit!
So, he'd lay low for a while and when he was ready to jump back into the game, he'd start dating again. With that resolved, Ennis decided to head back in and go to bed.
TBC