Looking Back.... JT.5
I had to report for practice the first week in August, so summer ended early for us that year. We didn’t talk about it, just let the days and weeks go by till it was late July and I only had a few days till I had to go. It wasn’t till Mrs. D. brought it up that we even acknowledged it at all.
It was a Thursday night and we were all at the table, eating burgers that Dr. D. had grilled out, along with a bunch of other stuff she’d bought at the store. I didn’t think about it at the time, but I think she was trying to make things a little nicer for my last week in town.
When she asked, “When do you have to leave for Knoxville, Jack?” all of us stopped eating and it got totally quiet, Ennis and Dr. D. just staring at me like they hadn’t known till just then that I was going anywhere.
I swallowed my food and cleared my throat and felt guilty even though I wasn’t sure why. “Next Thursday, I guess. They said we could move in Thursday and Friday, have the weekend to get settled in and meet some people and stuff, you know, and then we’ll start practice on Monday.”
“Do you know who your gonna be rooming with?” Ennis asked, looking grim.
“No, some other freshman’s all I know. Probably don’t matter much. We’ll never be there anyway. From what I hear, they work us like dogs till school starts, then we barely have time for classes before we’re back at it.”
“Don’t forget to get yourself a tutor if you need one, Jack. They promised they’d fix you up with one, remember?” Dr. D. was all about football, but academics was important in his book too.
“Yeah, I won’t forget.”
“What about supplies? Did they send you a list of things to bring? For your dorm room?”
“Ummm…. I’m not sure,” I said, floundering. They’d sent me all kinds of stuff, and me and Ennis had looked through it all, but I couldn’t remember a list.
“Yeah, Mom, they sent one.”
“Where is it?”
“In his room at the junkyard,” Ennis told her. Since I was clueless, I let them talk it out.
“Maybe you could get it for me, so I can pick up some things for him.”
“We can do it, Mom. You don’t have to.”
“I’m sure there will be some things on there you aren’t used to buying. Probably some supplies for his room, like bedding and whatnot. Think you boys can handle that?”
“Mom, we’re not kids,” Ennis reminded her. He wasn’t rolling his eyes, but you could hear it in his offended tone.
She did her best not to laugh at him. “Ok, fine. You can take your father’s credit card and go to the mall on Sunday. That’ll give me a couple of days left over in case I have to help.”
“We’ve got money, Mom!” Ennis said at the same time as I said, “You don’t have to buy my stuff, Mrs. D.” I really appreciated everything they did for me, but still, I fuckin hated feeling like a charity case.
“You’ve been a huge help around here this summer, Jack, cooking and helping Ennis babysit. It’s the least we can do,” Dr. D. said firmly, and Ennis kicked my ankle under the table which was code for ‘give up’.
“Ok. Thanks, Dr. D. That’s real nice of you.”
“It’s not a problem, Jack. You can pay me back with autographs when you go pro!” He sounded about as earnest and sincere as a twelve year old, and we all kinda laughed, ‘cause Dr. D. was such a geeky dude back then, but all his doctor smarts didn’t keep him from loving football just as much as the biggest redneck on the planet. He’d just gotten distracted learning to be a doctor, then being so busy being one, that he’d put his interest in it on the back burner till I came along and drug him off into the middle of it. Anyway, I promised I’d get him some good ones as soon as I could, and I really hoped that someday I’d be able to make that promise come true. Not just because it would mean I’d truly made it, but also because it would mean that him and his family, especially Ennis, were still a part of my life.
Back then, I was on the edge of a brand new life, and just knowing that they were steady in my corner, a warm little glow that I could see when I looked back over my shoulder at where I’d been… that was the closest thing to normal I’d ever had. On the hard, lonely days ahead, when I was beat down to nothing but worthless meat, I used them as my mental refuge and they got me through.
*****
My last week in town was busy as shit. We still had to work, and Friday and Saturday night both were party nights, everybody gearing up to head out in the next couple of weeks, wanting to make the most of their last opportunities to hang out with their old friends. Nobody was going too far away, and most of them would be back before too much time had passed - but not me. I wasn’t even guaranteed a weekend home at Thanksgiving. Christmas was my first for sure chance to come back.
Ennis was my best first, no question about that, and I’d lost more than just Toby and Craig in the fallout from all that bullshit, but I was still a pretty popular guy in my class and I didn’t want to be an ass and boycott all the festivities. Ennis wasn’t real sure about going, since it was mostly senior kids, but they were open parties, which always guaranteed a mix of people, and sure enough, Bill and Mandy were the first people we saw on Friday night.
They’d gotten over being pissed about Ennis and Misty because it turned out Misty wasn’t lying about having a date for the Snow Flake Ball, and she was all in love with this big ol’ linebacker dude who thought she was God’s gift, so it was all good. Plus, Ennis was totally pathetic, not getting laid at all, working all the time and hanging out with me, so they could feel sorry for him and give him tips on getting a new girlfriend. It was all I could do sometimes not to slam him up against the nearest hard surface and ram my tongue down his throat just to shut them up, but thank God I never got quite that crazy. I did wear him out more than once afterwards, though, just to make sure all their girlfriend talk went in one ear and out the other. I knew that once I was gone, all bets were off. I’d be fucking girls at college, and he’d probably get a girlfriend so he could double date with Bill and Mandy again. Plus, he might want to get laid too, and a girlfriend would be the obvious answer to that problem. I sure wouldn’t be good for it, since I was going to be busy for every minute of every day for the next five months, maybe longer.
I suddenly wondered what it would be like if I came home at Christmas and he had a girlfriend. It took me about three seconds of thinking about that to decide that if he was dating somebody, I’d make up some excuse and stay at school. It never even occurred to me that by then, I might not care anymore, or that I might actually have a girlfriend of my own, not just a bunch of fuck notches on the head of my bed. I guess even then some part of my soul realized that he was never going to be less than the most important person in my life. I kinda wish it woulda revealed that to me earlier - woulda saved us a lot of heartache and misery - but I guess that would’ve defeated the purpose of what life’s all about… figuring out who you are and who you love and then doing whatever you have to do to make it all work out.
*****
So we partied on Friday and Saturday night, did church on Sunday and then I hung with the kiddos for a while afterwards. It would be my last chance to see them for a long time and I was worried that they’d forget me once I was gone, or that he’d start saying mean things about me and turn them against me. I reminded Toby about his promise to call Ennis or Dr. D. if anything happened, and he frowned and blinked at me like he was gonna cry, which about ripped my heart out.
When I asked him if he was ok, though, he promised he was. He said Dad stayed in his study a lot and they had to be quiet because he was working, but otherwise everything was normal. He’d moved into my room, and even though I was glad for him to have it, it was one more reminder that my mom was totally fine with me being gone. I should’ve gotten used to that fact by then, but it was still a sore spot. It bothered the fuck outta me that I cared at all. She’d treated me like shit my whole life, so I should’ve been glad that she let me go without a fight, but I wasn’t. It took a long time and Ennis reading a lot of self-help books before we finally cracked the code on my dysfunctional relationships.
We went to the mall that afternoon, as prepared as two teenagers could be who’d never shopped for anything besides groceries in their entire collective lives. His mom had said to get clothes, too, since all my stuff was worn out and covered in grease, so we spent an hour getting jeans and shirts and a couple of sweaters, plus sweatshirts and sneakers and a pair of boots. I was totally freaked at how much money we spent, but Ennis swore it was ok, that his dad was doing really good with the clinic and he planned to get a scholarship so it wasn’t like he was gonna be a huge financial drain on them so I needed to just get over it. There is no way to totally get over spending someone else’s hard-earned money - at least not if you’re me - but I did the best I could because I knew me bitching wouldn’t change anything and it would just take all the fun out of it for Ennis. I remembered my promise to Dr. D. to get him some cool autographs, and whenever I felt a meltdown coming on, I pictured myself leading my team to victory, then getting signatures from the players I’d just creamed. It got me through the rest of the day.
When we got back to their house, his mom made us show her everything we’d bought and acted really surprised when nothing was weird or unacceptable. On top of all the clothes, we’d picked up a blue and green plaid comforter set at Sears, plus two sets of sheets, some towels and other stuff the list said I’d have to have. We’d even stopped at Wal-mart and gotten notebooks and pens and a calculator. Morris was going to UT too, and I had him on stand-by if things got too hard, but Ennis was pretty sure that, with a some simple technology, I could master basic math without him. I wasn’t, but I got the calculator anyway, just to make him happy.
We ate chicken casserole and salad for dinner, then hauled all my new stuff up to Ennis’s room with plans to hide out for the night. I also had plans to practice my blowjob technique. Not that I’d get to use it again for the foreseeable future - possibly ever - but I liked to be as good as I could be at the things I liked to do, and sucking Ennis off was one of my favorite hobbies. I had four nights left and I wanted to make the most of them. Ennis lay back against the pillows and let me have my way.
After work on Monday, we went out to the junkyard and packed all my stuff up, fed the dog the leftover pizza from Saturday night, then went back to Ennis’s, which would be my sole homebase until I left, and the place I’d come back to if I decided to come back. Crappy as it was, having that place to go had been a Godsend for me, and although I wasn’t sad to walk out for the last time, I was grateful for the fact that it had been there when I needed it. And me and Ennis had made the most of it, had ourselves some pretty awesome times on that dinky little bed. Just proof that you could make good memories anywhere.
That night we practiced hand jobs, which we were pretty darn good at already, but we were fine-tuning, trying to make them good and long-lasting. When he finally came, I slid down between his legs and licked it off his belly so I could have the taste of him in my mouth when I fell asleep.
On Tuesday night, Dr. D. took us all out for bar-be-que. It was only the second or third time we’d all been out, including the girls, Macey and Megan. They were good babies and didn’t terrorize the place too bad. Dr. D. got a bunch of stuff to go and we all waddled out to our cars, stuffed. Me and Ennis had gone in his truck since we couldn’t all fit in one car with the baby seats and stuff. We rolled the windows down and drove into town because that’s what you did on summer nights, rode around to see who was out and what was going on that you might want to get mixed up in. We saw some folks parked in different lots around town, but even if they honked and waved, he didn’t pull over, and after the third or fourth pass through, he didn’t make the turn.
“Where’re we going?” I asked, even though I didn’t really care. It was our last night to really be alone - Coach Wilson was having a cookout at his house the next night for all the team, including the seniors who were leaving. It would last till late and then the next day, Ennis would go to work and I’d pack up and leave for Knoxville and we’d pretty much be over. Even though I didn’t want to think like that, I knew it was most likely what was going to happen, and I didn’t like kidding myself. It was weird how I could make myself pretend when I thought about the future and giving Dr. D. autographs from the pros, but when I thought about what I had with Ennis, it all came crashing down as soon as I drove away. I guess my subconscious was just trying to prepare me so that I wouldn’t be totally freaked when I started waking up alone again.
“Just wanna get outta town. That ok?”
“Yeah, sure.” I found a tape we both liked, .38 Special, turned it up and settled back to let the night and Ennis take me where I needed to go. We sped through the darkness listening to Wild-Eyed Southern Boys, the hot July air thick and muggy as it whipped across our skin. After a while, we ended up at the farm. Ennis had the Scooby blanket shoved behind his seat, and a tube of KY in the glove compartment, and he fucked me there beneath the stars, the rumble of distant thunder in the western sky warning us of a slow-building storm.
read more here: http://bbmbottomboy.livejournal.com/47512.html