Looking Back.... JT.2
Ennis left off with our story back where we went to get the Christmas trees. That was a good day, even though we didn’t get to fool around any and both of us were wanting to really bad. But my little brothers and Dr. D. were all excited about getting out of our houses - I think tree-hunting was as good of an excuse as any, but really, they just wanted to get out, and making them happy was enough for me and Ennis that day. We knew we’d have other days just for us.
Over the last few weeks, things had been getting worse and worse at my house. Ol’ man Twist was wound up tight, taking it out on everybody even though it was only me that he hated. Well, me and my mom, I guess, ‘cause she had me, but I think it was mostly me that had him so pissed off all the time. It had always been that way, but with all the college scouts coming around and everyone talking about what a star I was gonna be, congratulatin him for it like he gave a good goddamn, well, it just ate him alive. He had to smile and say thanks and shake hands, like he was all proud of me and glad for my success, when really he hated every second of it, wanted me to fail more than he wanted anything else in his pathetic, miserable life. I guess I should’ve realized he couldn’t hold it together much longer, but I didn’t. I guess there was still some deluded little part of me that thought I was like any other kid - that my dad was pissed off about life in general and not about to rain down hell’s fire down on my head - but I was just kidding myself about that. I was no normal kid, and ol’ man Twist was sure no normal dad.
That day was good though - we got our trees and then went back to our houses to set them up. Me and the boys got our tree up while Mom and the girls baked cookies, then we all had milk and cookies while we decorated it. That’s my last memory of Christmas with Mom. Once I left, I never went back to their house again if he was there, and I’m pretty sure he made it a point never to leave if I was in town at Thanksgiving or Christmas. The kids would come over to the del Mar’s to see me, but Mom never would. I think it was part of her penance for staying with him all that time, denying herself seeing me once I left. Or maybe she really didn’t want to. Maybe she felt like drawing that line in the sand was what she was supposed to do. I never found out, and I gotta say, I don’t really care. I don’t hate her anymore for what she did to me, but I’m not looking to make excuses for her either. It was what it was, but it’s over now and I survived it and that’s all I really care about.
That whole week was so normal it was like surreal or something. Craig got me the trig answers just like everything was the same. I had no idea how he got ‘em and I didn’t care. I passed my test and that was good enough for me. I hung out some with him and Toby. Ennis hung out with his regular crowd, but almost every day we hooked up after P.E. to walk out to our trucks together. During that time we’d talk about whatever dumb shit thing had happened in school that day, or what was going on at home or at our jobs. Ennis and his dad were freaking out about his mom and I tried to reassure him that she was gonna be ok, even though we both knew I didn’t have a clue. Just ‘cause my mom had survived being pregnant all that many times didn’t mean his would.
We met up on Friday night about seven. There was a party - seems like there was always a party back then - but I was tired and didn’t really want to go. He suggested we get pizza and movies and go back to his house and I was cool with that, liked it even better when he told me to ask my mom if I could spent the night. She said ok - both the other boys were sleeping over at friends so it woulda been really hard even for her to say no - and we ended up having the best night ever. We ate pizza and watched our first movie with Dr. D., but then we took the second one upstairs and watched it in Ennis’s room, with the door locked and a chair shoved up under the door knob.
My second time was a lot better than my first. I’m just gonna leave it at that.
*****
Normal life lasted one more week for me, till I got home from work the next Friday night and my mom and the kids were gone and the old man was waiting on me with a baseball bat. I think all those years of letting mom deal with me musta built up a hate for me in him that he just couldn’t control any more.
The only thing that saved me was that mom had been mopping right before he made them all leave, and he slipped when he came at me, hit the wall by my head insteada me. I shoved him hard as I could, grabbed the phone off the counter and ran into the living room, putting the couch between me and him. He came after me, holding the bat in the middle like it was a club.
“You think you’re gonna call the police and get me in trouble? You really think anyone’s going to listen to you?” He shook his head, laughing at me, crazy-eyed like he got sometimes when he was preaching about hellfire and damnation. “No one’s gonna believe you, Jack. You’re just a poor, messed-up kid, making up stories about how mean Daddy is because you can’t handle that fact that you tripped and fell coming up the steps, broke your arm and ruined all your chances of being a big football star.”
“What the hell’s the matter with you? You want me outta here bad as I do!” I was shocked, ‘cause even for him that was messed up. We’d had a coupla really nasty run-ins before that I hadn’t told anybody about, not even Ennis, but they’d stopped once I started driving and working and being outta the house more.
I remember how he laughed, this evil cackle that made my blood run cold. “Guess you thought you were gonna keep it a secret, Jack, but you can’t keep secrets from God. I heard about your girlfriend, Jack, about how you sinned with her and made a child. And now you think you’re going to run off to college and leave us behind to take care of your mess, but it doesn’t work that way. You’re going to stay right here and own up to it, Jack, just like I had to do when your mother sinned with my brother.”
“What?”
“That’s right, Jack, you’re no different from your real father - eager to enjoy the pleasures of the flesh but lazy when it’s time to pay the price.” He laughed some more. I think he was already crazy then, we just didn’t know it yet. “I’m sure Mr. Connell can find a full-time spot for you down at the garage. Maybe if you save real hard, you’ll be able to afford diapers when the baby gets here.”
He was coming closer, sneering as he held the bat up and I knew two things: one, that he was wrong, no way I’d got Katrina pregnant, and two, that he was gonna ruin me if I let him. I grabbed the poker off the fireplace and swung it at him. When he ducked - thank God he ducked ‘cause I sure as hell didn’t want him dead - he lost his balance and fell. I yanked the bat away from him, then jammed the poker against his throat till his neck was dented in, grabbed the phone outta the front of my jeans and started dialing. When Ennis picked up, I was so relieved I almost started to cry right then.
“Ennis! Get over here right now! Come in through the garage. The kitchen door’s open. Don’t knock, just come in. Do it now, Ennis, right fucking now. Ok?”
“Yeah, ok, I’m coming. You alright, Jack?”
“Yeah, but I don’t know how long that’s gonna last. Hurry the fuck up!”
I was never so happy to get hung up on in my whole life.
*****
Ennis came bursting through the back door about three minutes later. The whole time I was waitin, I kept the poker jammed in his throat so hard he couldn’t talk. I didn’t want to hear another word of his poison ever if I could help it. Ennis didn’t say a word when he saw what was going on except, “What do you want me to do?” I made him get me a bunch of the old man’s ties. It was the best thing I could think of to tie him up with. He got a handful from their bedroom and trussed him up good. I left him with the poker and the baseball bat and told him if he so much as moved, to knock him out cold. The way Ennis said, “No problem, Jack. I’d fuckin’ love to,” made the old man’s eyes get big. When I came back with my duffle full of clothes and whatever else I figured I couldn’t live without, a thin line of blood was trickling down from beneath his gag, and I was glad. I left a pair of scissors on the table so he could get himself out before the kids got back home, then me and Ennis hauled ass outta there.
*****
Ennis wanted me to tell his dad what happened, said I could move in with them for the rest of the year and nobody’d mind at all, but I didn’t want to do that. For one thing, I didn’t want anybody to know I’d moved out. I didn’t want to hafta answer any questions or explain anything to anybody. I was over eighteen so nobody had any right to give me shit, but I was scared that anything that happened might fuck up my chances to go to college. Plus, being at Ennis’s house was too close to my old house, and I wanted to get as far from there as possible.
We dropped his truck back off at his house and tore outta there as fast as we could, didn’t even stay long enough to make up some bullshit plans to tell his parents. I headed for the city limits as fast as I could - I didn’t wanna take any chances on him finding me and crashing into me and killing me or maiming me for life. The only thing worse than not getting the fuck out of there to play ball was the idea of getting turned into a paraplegic or something and being stuck at his mercy for the rest of his life. I know Ennis thought I was losing it, but he didn’t say anything, just hung on and kept his eyes open for cops.
We made it all the way to Manchester before I could even think about slowing down. We drove around for a while, finally stopped and got Cokes and gas since I was almost on empty. They had a pay phone. When I told Ennis I was gonna call Mr. Connell, he tried to talk me into staying with him and his folks again, and I gotta say, it was tempting. I didn’t make much money and just paying for gas and insurance and junk food took almost all of it. I’d been counting on saving up some for college next fall, ‘cause no way was I gonna be able to have a job then. Now it was gonna take every penny I made just to stay alive. Living with the del Mars woulda made it a thousand times easier, but the reasons I said no in the first place were strong enough that I couldn’t change my mind. I was too afraid of losing my shot at college to do anything that might risk it, and I knew if I breathed one word of what went on in my house to anybody, the old man would somehow turn it all around on me. He’d do anything he could to keep me from doing good and I wasn’t gonna give him any openings if I could help it.
*****
I never really told Mr. C. any of the stuff that went on in my house, but it was like he just knew anyhow. Back then, it kinda freaked me out, like maybe he was reading my mind or something, but it wasn’t that - he just got a read real quick on the old man and trusted his gut. Anyway, not long after he helped me get the truck, he told me about the junk yard his brother owned, way off on the far side of the county. Said the place was ice cold in the winter and hell hot in the summer and not nearly as nice as a cell in the county jail, but there was a cot in the back room if I ever needed a place to crash.
Him and his brother met us out there that night. It was freezing cold, December wind whipping through the place, cutting me to the bone, sleet threatening but it wasn’t coming down yet. Big ol’ white pit bull charged us at the gate, barking like he was gonna rip all our arms off till Mr. C.’s brother came out, then he got all friendly, thank God. I just hoped he remembered I wasn’t a robber once everybody else was gone.
Mr. C’s brother’s name was Ned and he told me to call him that. He looked a lot like Mr. C., only older and harder. I wasn’t really sure why they were willing to help me but I wasn’t about to ask questions. Ned showed me around, Ennis following close and looking at everything but not asking any questions. The room doubled as the employee break room. It had a sink and a refrigerator on one end, along with a coffee pot and a hot plate. There was a round table and three folding chairs near the kitchen and a twin bed pushed up against the wall on the other end of the room. Mr. C. sat an electric heater on the floor by the bed, told me to never leave it on while I was sleeping or gone ‘cause it could catch fire and burn the whole place down. I promised I wouldn’t, and Ennis did too, which got their attention.
“You’re the new doctor’s boy, right? You ain’t planning on moving out here too, are ya, son?” Mr. C. asked Ennis.
He got all nervous and embarrassed, like he always did whenever he had to speak to an adult, ducking his head and mumbling and generally looking guilty as hell. “No, sir, but Jack’s my best friend. It’s ok if I come out sometimes, right?”
Ned gave us a narrow-eyed look, like we were plotting to turn the place into some swanky crash pad to bring girls, but then Mr. C. elbowed him and pulled him off to the side, and after they talked for a coupla minutes, Ennis got the ok. “You said you don’t want anybody to know you’re living here, right?” Ned asked me, and I nodded, almost scared to meet his eyes ‘cause I was still terrified he was gonna change his mind. “So it’s just gonna be you two, nobody else?”
“Nobody else. I promise,” I answered, Ennis nodding right along with me.
“’K. Keep it that way. If I find out any different, you’re out. Anything gets busted or goes missing, you’re out. I find any sign a booze or drugs or women, you’re out.” He squinted at me like I was a cockroach that crawled outta his sandwich. “Think you can handle all that, boy?”
“Yes, sir. Not a problem, sir.” I could just about hear Ennis grinding his teeth next to me, but he didn’t say a word, and after a few more minutes of him telling me how things operated and what he expected of me in return for my free place to live, he gave me a key and they left.
Soon as the door closed behind ‘em, Ennis started in bitching. “Jesus, Jack, you can’t stay here. This place sucks. You’re gonna freeze to fucking death in here, that mattress’s probably got rats living in it, and that’s the nastiest shower I ever seen in my life.”
He was right about all of it. It made where I was coming from look like a palace, but it was safe and there was no way I’d ever sleep another peaceful night in that house again, so, much as I hated it, we were looking at my new place.
I came out strong ‘cause I had to. If I let him wear me down, I might slip up and that just couldn’t happen. “You don’t have to come here if you don’t want to, Ennis, but this is where I’m gonna be. You got choices, man. I don’t.”
He didn’t like it, but I guess he must’ve seen the truth of it, because after a few minutes of stalking around frowning and kicking shit, he finally got it together and said we needed to get some supplies if I was serious about staying there. All I had in the world was two twenties and some small bills, not enough to buy much, and the stores were all closed anyway, so we went to his house instead, where we could get blankets and some stuff to clean the shower with.
We tried to act normal when his dad met us in the kitchen, playing twenty questions like always. I’m pretty sure he knew we were up to something, seeing as how I was still in my garage work clothes, but he finally gave it up and pulled out a pot of spaghetti he’d made himself and we ate enough to choke a horse. I think that made him happy. We hid out in Ennis’s room till his folks went to bed, making lists and watching MTV, then gathered up everything we figured we could steal without them missing it and headed out. Ennis left ‘em a note that said I had to get back home and that we were gonna hang out some more at my house, so maybe his dad wouldn’t freak out if he woke up at three and Ennis wasn’t home yet. Ennis was pretty quick for a guy who’d never snuck around a day in his life before he met me.
That night we spent two hours cleaning the bathroom. There was boxes of junk in the shower stall and black and purple grunge all over the floor and about two feet up the walls. The toilet bowl was a rusty orange color and the rim was splattered with shit. The sink was clogged up so bad that it took a whole bottle of Draino to get it flowing again. By the time we were done, we were too tired to move. We took turns in the shower, then died as soon as we hit the mattress, wrapped up in each other and a Scooby Doo comforter from when he was a little kid. It was the warmest and the safest I felt in that place for a long time.
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