(no subject)
oh god he leaves for the game reserve tomorrow. There is no way he can IM me and the chances for him calling are slim.
And to make things even better he was planning to leaves SA on the 4th but now he can't fly out of rwanda till the fourth. He wanted to stay one last week in Durban so he could go to the beach, and his dad says there are flights from the 4-8 so he would only have a few days. But then his dad says "if your going to wait till the 8th u might as well wait till the 14th so we'll be in Africa the same time. And if your going to stay through the 14th, you might as well stay all the way untill the 21st at least so we can spend so quality time together" And now alex doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to stay that long at all, but he wants to be in africa with his dad and he feels guilty for hurting him by not spending that time with him. But jesus, his dad is gone like his whole life and then he makes him feel guilty because Alex doesn't want to be stuck in an apartment for another month watching his grandparents sleep and be sick all the time!
Alex feels like shit. He begged me to tell him to come home, to just tell him so he would. But jesus i hate that i'm half the reason his family is so mad right now. And I hate being the reason he is miserable. He told me, he said Africa wasn't miserable till he found me to have to be away from. Ughs, i feel bad. I was crying but i said it. "Alex you have no idea how painful it is for me to give you reasons to stay 3000 miles away from me. I miss you and it hurts and I need you to come home. And i feel horribly selfish for saying it and I won't have the courage to say it again." And he said okay, but then when he called to say goodnight tonight he said something and added "and if i won't be home for 2 months...oh shit. Freudian slip" and i was like "You want to stay don't you..." and he said he didn't know. He talked about how when he is on the phone with me he has no doubt he wants to go home but other times he isn't sure. He's going to the game reserve for this week and thats always his favorite part of the trip, and after that he's going to decide.
And to make things even better he was planning to leaves SA on the 4th but now he can't fly out of rwanda till the fourth. He wanted to stay one last week in Durban so he could go to the beach, and his dad says there are flights from the 4-8 so he would only have a few days. But then his dad says "if your going to wait till the 8th u might as well wait till the 14th so we'll be in Africa the same time. And if your going to stay through the 14th, you might as well stay all the way untill the 21st at least so we can spend so quality time together" And now alex doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to stay that long at all, but he wants to be in africa with his dad and he feels guilty for hurting him by not spending that time with him. But jesus, his dad is gone like his whole life and then he makes him feel guilty because Alex doesn't want to be stuck in an apartment for another month watching his grandparents sleep and be sick all the time!
Alex feels like shit. He begged me to tell him to come home, to just tell him so he would. But jesus i hate that i'm half the reason his family is so mad right now. And I hate being the reason he is miserable. He told me, he said Africa wasn't miserable till he found me to have to be away from. Ughs, i feel bad. I was crying but i said it. "Alex you have no idea how painful it is for me to give you reasons to stay 3000 miles away from me. I miss you and it hurts and I need you to come home. And i feel horribly selfish for saying it and I won't have the courage to say it again." And he said okay, but then when he called to say goodnight tonight he said something and added "and if i won't be home for 2 months...oh shit. Freudian slip" and i was like "You want to stay don't you..." and he said he didn't know. He talked about how when he is on the phone with me he has no doubt he wants to go home but other times he isn't sure. He's going to the game reserve for this week and thats always his favorite part of the trip, and after that he's going to decide.