(no subject)
hi guys, sorry its been so long since my last entry. Ive been pretty busy with work and everything, but thank gosh that work isnt in place right now. So anyways, well today was the first day of school..i dont know how to describe it. i guess it went alright, nothing really went wrong other than kinda hectic with lots of people. its actually kinda nice to just b @ school without my @home drama. sorry guys i gotta get this out:
when i go home its like, i just want to run to my room and cry. Before nething happens, just run and cry. Theres no point in fighting nemore bc its useless, just digs deeper into my soul and i cant handle this nemore.i can make it on my own. i can get myself into college. ican do everything i want to do alone.they dont help me they only cause bigger problems, bc they have no clue what i want and how i plan to get there.they jsut dont understand me. I swear I'm not going to mess things up. I have strong rooting staff behind me @ school and even friend wise. i have a few extraordinary people in my life that will do nething to help me fullfill my dreams. I cant stand the fact that they are digging into me so bad. im having those thoughts again and its scary. i dont want to have them bc i thought for once in my life that i was happy...and i am.. only @ those moments tho, with those certain people. ahhh--i cant stop these tears from pouring out of my body. what do i do when all i wanna do is run away? just get away from this terror that is surrounding me. just leave me alone i tell them..I know what i want and i KNOW what im gonna do to get there.STOP pestering me. what do i do when i am black inside, but happy @ those moments? My choice would be just STAY in those moments and not come to that black...Oh dear God help me please ;*( Stop these thoughts. Let me live life with its bumps and bruises. I'll make it, ive got that support right by my side...& they UNDERSTAND.
Sorry i had to get that out. :( lifes turnin bad again and i HATE that feeling more than anything in the world. I just wanna be happy (full time), make this go away, make my tears wipe from eyes..please..i beg...
when i go home its like, i just want to run to my room and cry. Before nething happens, just run and cry. Theres no point in fighting nemore bc its useless, just digs deeper into my soul and i cant handle this nemore.i can make it on my own. i can get myself into college. ican do everything i want to do alone.they dont help me they only cause bigger problems, bc they have no clue what i want and how i plan to get there.they jsut dont understand me. I swear I'm not going to mess things up. I have strong rooting staff behind me @ school and even friend wise. i have a few extraordinary people in my life that will do nething to help me fullfill my dreams. I cant stand the fact that they are digging into me so bad. im having those thoughts again and its scary. i dont want to have them bc i thought for once in my life that i was happy...and i am.. only @ those moments tho, with those certain people. ahhh--i cant stop these tears from pouring out of my body. what do i do when all i wanna do is run away? just get away from this terror that is surrounding me. just leave me alone i tell them..I know what i want and i KNOW what im gonna do to get there.STOP pestering me. what do i do when i am black inside, but happy @ those moments? My choice would be just STAY in those moments and not come to that black...Oh dear God help me please ;*( Stop these thoughts. Let me live life with its bumps and bruises. I'll make it, ive got that support right by my side...& they UNDERSTAND.
Sorry i had to get that out. :( lifes turnin bad again and i HATE that feeling more than anything in the world. I just wanna be happy (full time), make this go away, make my tears wipe from eyes..please..i beg...