Why?
Why is it that I rarely say "you hurt me" when things happen. I just seem to bottle it up, and most of the time evenually let it go. Let the fact that someone that I love hurt me. I have to wonder sometimes if a) they even know they hurt me and b) if it even matters and c) why I can just confront them tell them that they hurt me, or that they are hurting me. Is it because I generally don't like confrontations, maybe. Maybe I don't want to hear the real reason that they did hurt me.
I can say that there are a few people out there now that are hurting me and I don't really know what to do. One of which has been a very close friend for very long time, and now I don't really seem to matter to him. Part of me wants to write a very long note reminding him of all the promises that we made a long time ago to each other. Another part keeps reminding me that a friendship is a two way street, that each person should put something into it. And if I'm the only one showing effort, maybe it's time to let go. But it's me and I have a hard time letting go sometimes. Another seems to think that I don't care, when I do. It's harsh getting messages saying that I don't care. If I didn't care I wouldn't put forth the effort to maintain a relationship. I wouldn't want to text you, I wouldn't call, I wouldn't email. (Gee, sort of sounds like what the other friend is doing to me... maybe I should take the hint?)
I know it's late and I'm probably rambling, but damnit if you've come to a point in your life that you don't feel I fit into it anymore just let me know. Flat out. Tell me what's up. Don't make me sit and wonder what it is that I did wrong. I understand that people change, it's life. If I tell you that I care, by george, listen to me. If you want to be alone, tell me. You're less likely to hurt my feelings by telling me the truth.
I'm off to try to sleep. Hugs to those that give a shit.