i think too goddamn much
I can't help it. I feel like I travel down all these thoughtlines but I never really get to any specific location. I just feel very dissatisfied with my thinking lately. I can't come to conclusions. I'm too cynical. Everything seems so hopeless -- not necessarily with me and my life all the time... but just the world and people in general.
Everyone is so fucking typical. Everyone has their own motives in any given situation. No one is ever truly selfless.
Gender roles are very real. They're such a bitch. I'm tired of every girl talking shit about how society places all this pressure on them and only them. Fuck that. Men have just as much pressure if not more. We perhaps just detach ourselves more effectively from it? And not only that, but women create pressure for themselves above and beyond society. Blah blah blah. Women talk so much shit about women. Women are evil.
I guess I just feel like my woes just aren't quite important enough. Maybe for good reason.
Everyone kind of moves in their own bubble. We are all pretty selfish. We can't help it? When I'm home and I'm hanging out with my dudes, I grow to forget how unique we are compared to the rest of folks our age. I'm slammed back into remembrance once I'm back in my dorm and I see tons of people who just aren't quite close enough to my friends and me. It's frustrating.
I've become obsessed with what's normal. I wish I could see life through a few other people's eyes just to realize what about me is and is not normal. I feel like I have a lot of the same needs/wishes/wants as humans... but other stuff I feel so peculiar.
I'm tired of fake conversations. I think I might die if I have to suffer through another one of these conversations. "Hey. How are you. Oh, I'm fine. Yeah. I'm at OU now. Photography. Yep. I mean, I like it..." It becomes so apparent how distant we are from each other... or maybe how fucking boring we all are.
How boring has Westerville made me/us? How boring has the threat of failure made us? I'm tired of moving forward. I'm tired of moving backward. I'm tired of not moving. I'm tired of this necessity for movement... and the frustration that comes from not being content with the current trend of movement thereof. I'm tired of not being content ever. But then, progression occurs because you want to try better. You want to try to deviate from whatever you're current doing which must not suffice.
I hate this one foot in, one foot out bullshit with college and high school. This transition period truly licks my dick. I either want to remain here and move forward or stay there and move forward.
Marijuana isn't legalized. It should be.
Americans are so fucking retarded. We live in a bubble like no other. I know it's cliche now to talk shit about America, but I don't care. Patriotism is annoying. Pick-up trucks are annoying.
I'm tired of explaining myself and my music. 98% of you out there probably don't understand whatsoever. And then if you do, you don't really either because you just don't... not all the way. Ryan and I have been listening to a lot of hip hop in the car. Whenever a good line comes on, we both go "OHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I realized that while some of my friends appreciate some [better] hip hop, they still don't get it get it. No one understands hip hop because no one knows anything about its history.
Men and women aren't meant to be together. There is a point where the temperature in Celsius is the same as it is in Farenheit. This is negative 40 degrees. If women are Celsius and men are Farenheit, this negative 40 degrees phenomenon simply doesn't exist. We never truly match each other. Women train men like dogs... yet women are so naive about the intentions of all men... whether these men know it or not. Men want nothing more than to be laid. We chase crafts/disciplines because women are attracted to success. Success brings money. The hottest women marry rich men. This is why rich people are generally good looking. It's all a genetic drift. This really seems to do fate in, doesn't it? Sometimes I wish we would stop kidding ourselves. We are here to fuck each other and reproduce. This societal development is quite a sham.
The reason why ugly/not hot people are generally so much cooler/better than good looking folk is because they've lived their entire life with nothing more to offer than their personality. So they develop the fuck out of it. There are exceptions, of course... and in general, we, as humans, are at our appearance peak during these years so everyone is looking as good as possible... but still. But nevertheless, despite how clearly we uglies are better, we lack the confidence to take this whole life thing over. Things don't change after high school, they just continue in a much larger scale.
I'm so fucking tired of the American Dream. It's greed. That's all. And it's so empty.
I'm tired of people making truly idiotic decisions. Anything having to do with marriage/having children/etc. involves being locked into something for decades. Most of us haven't even completed two decades yet. We are in no position to lock ourselves into anything.
Society values intelligence/worthless observation a lot less than they should.
We all talk way too much shit about each other.
You can't enjoy the water if you don't dive in already. But then, it seems like the pool will inevitably be drained if someone's plans don't change somewhere down the line. But then, why not live in the moment... but then, time is only a continuum of moments... so this moment is connected to that moment in the future when we all realize that change is just too fucking devastating. Life is such a damn slippery slope.
I feel like my life has become a continuous process of collecting and discarding things/hobbies/activities/passions/people. Maybe all you need with something is the few years that it exists in your life. Perhaps we discard because we've truly sucked any brain/experience nutrients dry from any given thing. But isn't that also hopeless? That I haven't found too much that has enough nutrients to last a lifetime?
Maybe I would believe more in religion if it wasn't such an old concept. I just feel like when everyone in the world did believe intensely in God and followed religion with uber discipline that the world really wasn't a good place. Messiahs seem like such a minor detail. I just feel like super religious types are lagging. What world do they live in? Heaven and hell are human-created concepts... yet, we can't get away from being frightened by the threat of hell.
Optimism seems silly when you can't overlook the bad in people. My mom told me to try to focus more on the good... but what's the point when the bad seems to always be more glaring... or, at least, when there are so many inherent bad things that we just can't shake. Hopeless, I tells you. Hopeless.
But yeah, I go back to school on Sunday. I will continue to have fake/shallow conversations... only now I will be saying this over and over about my break:
"Oh, it was good... didn't get to work unfortunately. Yeah, smoked a lot of weed... relaxed... oh yeah, I'm ready to get back into classes."
Blah blah blah blah to everyone I meet. Blah blah blah.
Everyone is so fucking typical. Everyone has their own motives in any given situation. No one is ever truly selfless.
Gender roles are very real. They're such a bitch. I'm tired of every girl talking shit about how society places all this pressure on them and only them. Fuck that. Men have just as much pressure if not more. We perhaps just detach ourselves more effectively from it? And not only that, but women create pressure for themselves above and beyond society. Blah blah blah. Women talk so much shit about women. Women are evil.
I guess I just feel like my woes just aren't quite important enough. Maybe for good reason.
Everyone kind of moves in their own bubble. We are all pretty selfish. We can't help it? When I'm home and I'm hanging out with my dudes, I grow to forget how unique we are compared to the rest of folks our age. I'm slammed back into remembrance once I'm back in my dorm and I see tons of people who just aren't quite close enough to my friends and me. It's frustrating.
I've become obsessed with what's normal. I wish I could see life through a few other people's eyes just to realize what about me is and is not normal. I feel like I have a lot of the same needs/wishes/wants as humans... but other stuff I feel so peculiar.
I'm tired of fake conversations. I think I might die if I have to suffer through another one of these conversations. "Hey. How are you. Oh, I'm fine. Yeah. I'm at OU now. Photography. Yep. I mean, I like it..." It becomes so apparent how distant we are from each other... or maybe how fucking boring we all are.
How boring has Westerville made me/us? How boring has the threat of failure made us? I'm tired of moving forward. I'm tired of moving backward. I'm tired of not moving. I'm tired of this necessity for movement... and the frustration that comes from not being content with the current trend of movement thereof. I'm tired of not being content ever. But then, progression occurs because you want to try better. You want to try to deviate from whatever you're current doing which must not suffice.
I hate this one foot in, one foot out bullshit with college and high school. This transition period truly licks my dick. I either want to remain here and move forward or stay there and move forward.
Marijuana isn't legalized. It should be.
Americans are so fucking retarded. We live in a bubble like no other. I know it's cliche now to talk shit about America, but I don't care. Patriotism is annoying. Pick-up trucks are annoying.
I'm tired of explaining myself and my music. 98% of you out there probably don't understand whatsoever. And then if you do, you don't really either because you just don't... not all the way. Ryan and I have been listening to a lot of hip hop in the car. Whenever a good line comes on, we both go "OHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I realized that while some of my friends appreciate some [better] hip hop, they still don't get it get it. No one understands hip hop because no one knows anything about its history.
Men and women aren't meant to be together. There is a point where the temperature in Celsius is the same as it is in Farenheit. This is negative 40 degrees. If women are Celsius and men are Farenheit, this negative 40 degrees phenomenon simply doesn't exist. We never truly match each other. Women train men like dogs... yet women are so naive about the intentions of all men... whether these men know it or not. Men want nothing more than to be laid. We chase crafts/disciplines because women are attracted to success. Success brings money. The hottest women marry rich men. This is why rich people are generally good looking. It's all a genetic drift. This really seems to do fate in, doesn't it? Sometimes I wish we would stop kidding ourselves. We are here to fuck each other and reproduce. This societal development is quite a sham.
The reason why ugly/not hot people are generally so much cooler/better than good looking folk is because they've lived their entire life with nothing more to offer than their personality. So they develop the fuck out of it. There are exceptions, of course... and in general, we, as humans, are at our appearance peak during these years so everyone is looking as good as possible... but still. But nevertheless, despite how clearly we uglies are better, we lack the confidence to take this whole life thing over. Things don't change after high school, they just continue in a much larger scale.
I'm so fucking tired of the American Dream. It's greed. That's all. And it's so empty.
I'm tired of people making truly idiotic decisions. Anything having to do with marriage/having children/etc. involves being locked into something for decades. Most of us haven't even completed two decades yet. We are in no position to lock ourselves into anything.
Society values intelligence/worthless observation a lot less than they should.
We all talk way too much shit about each other.
You can't enjoy the water if you don't dive in already. But then, it seems like the pool will inevitably be drained if someone's plans don't change somewhere down the line. But then, why not live in the moment... but then, time is only a continuum of moments... so this moment is connected to that moment in the future when we all realize that change is just too fucking devastating. Life is such a damn slippery slope.
I feel like my life has become a continuous process of collecting and discarding things/hobbies/activities/passions/people. Maybe all you need with something is the few years that it exists in your life. Perhaps we discard because we've truly sucked any brain/experience nutrients dry from any given thing. But isn't that also hopeless? That I haven't found too much that has enough nutrients to last a lifetime?
Maybe I would believe more in religion if it wasn't such an old concept. I just feel like when everyone in the world did believe intensely in God and followed religion with uber discipline that the world really wasn't a good place. Messiahs seem like such a minor detail. I just feel like super religious types are lagging. What world do they live in? Heaven and hell are human-created concepts... yet, we can't get away from being frightened by the threat of hell.
Optimism seems silly when you can't overlook the bad in people. My mom told me to try to focus more on the good... but what's the point when the bad seems to always be more glaring... or, at least, when there are so many inherent bad things that we just can't shake. Hopeless, I tells you. Hopeless.
But yeah, I go back to school on Sunday. I will continue to have fake/shallow conversations... only now I will be saying this over and over about my break:
"Oh, it was good... didn't get to work unfortunately. Yeah, smoked a lot of weed... relaxed... oh yeah, I'm ready to get back into classes."
Blah blah blah blah to everyone I meet. Blah blah blah.