an assertation of this summer
This summer isn't really sitting very well with me. I'm going to have to be honest. It seems that a good majority of my friends are occupied with things that make it difficult for hanging out. Be it girlfriends/boyfriends, drugs, or jobs.
This, in turn, leaves me to do the same shit over and over. That's all well and fine for the first few months, but by now, it's getting a little tired. I guess I just yearn for something to enter my life this summer that will truly spice things up.
I don't know. Really, I just feel uneasy. I feel like everyone has changed directions. I feel like everything is shifting as far as relations with some people. It's also a pretty helpless situation.
I'm just not all about thinking what I want to do that night... and as I go through people in my head to call, I have to cross a good majority of people off one by one for whatever reason.
I suppose I feel forced into a corner of repetition and I definitely don't like that. But perhaps this is all self-inflicted.
I'm considering becoming a videogame nerd recluse until college. Having the extra small TV opens up all sorts of opportunities. GTA is kind of difficult after not playing it for awhile. I'm considering just starting a brand new game that I've never played before... or in a long time.
I'm also seriously considering waking up earlier than I have been, running to Hoover, and trying to get something that resembles a tan. I'm pale as death... that's a lie. Death does not have a shade... except perhaps something truly menacing... and Hot Topic-esque.
And I want to start taking a few rolls of pictures a week. I really need to focus a little. But then, really, my junior and senior year of college are going to be soooo intense photo-wise -- assuming I stick with that major.
I got a call from Oklahoma Ryan the other night. That was real cool. He said he was in Des Moines, Iowa and there was a hip hop scene there. Hip hop can't be stopped! That kid is such a winner in my book, though. Love him.
My computer has too much adware/spyware. I want to burn all the CDs I have left to burn and reformat this stupidity. I have enough programs on here that can keep it running fairly smoothly, but it's still too annoying to deal with. Stupid computer hackers. Always getting themselves into some shit.
I think I'm okay with working tomorrow, but I'm really dreading an almost forgotten back to back Saturday/Sunday shift extravaganza. That's life, though.
I just realized what I need for my life. I want to keep all the components in my life, mostly unmodified... I think I just want to rearrange them to form a better composition. And this isn't a ranking of importance. It's a placement issue. I think I just need to pack my life's things/events/tendencies a little more efficiently to let room in for multiple breaths of fresh air.
And hopefully these breaths cover all the bases. People, events, feelings.
Or maybe I just need to wait a month and assume that college will solve all my problems like everyone else is. It's not really that unlikely, to be honest. A change of setting is very liberating, believe me. Brand new people... and hopefully a new level of sustained maturity.
Hahah. At the same time, I really have no idea why I'm so glum today or in this entry. Last night was a really great time. Every once in awhile, Hoover is genuinely fun. As for last night's success, I think I attribute it to the large[r] number of people and the widespread alcohol consumption. It's not that no one ever drinks up there, but I think one or two people just aren't enough to establish that sense of party livelihood. So when it became a significant number... it was ill. And I don't know. It seems like lately I haven't been feeling super good vibes from that place, but last night was positive. (PS. I didn't drink because I just don't drink... sorry?)
But that wasn't the best part at all. Can we just talk about how seeing true love personified into dinner conversation and laughter is the greatest thing to happen to me in awhile. I think I was just startled (in a good way) by the serious genuineness of Emily Whitman's laughter toward her boyfriend Jordan. Granted, Jordan was being fucking hilarious... but you could just tell she adores him. She ABSOLUTELY finds him 100% funny. There's no humoring. She genuinely enjoys his company. I think that's rare, especially when it seemed so positive. With other people, it seems desperate... or, at least, annoying in its glaring presence. Forced even, perhaps. But this was so comfortable and great. Made my night.
And I think I will end on that note because, right now, I can't think of anything better than all that.
This, in turn, leaves me to do the same shit over and over. That's all well and fine for the first few months, but by now, it's getting a little tired. I guess I just yearn for something to enter my life this summer that will truly spice things up.
I don't know. Really, I just feel uneasy. I feel like everyone has changed directions. I feel like everything is shifting as far as relations with some people. It's also a pretty helpless situation.
I'm just not all about thinking what I want to do that night... and as I go through people in my head to call, I have to cross a good majority of people off one by one for whatever reason.
I suppose I feel forced into a corner of repetition and I definitely don't like that. But perhaps this is all self-inflicted.
I'm considering becoming a videogame nerd recluse until college. Having the extra small TV opens up all sorts of opportunities. GTA is kind of difficult after not playing it for awhile. I'm considering just starting a brand new game that I've never played before... or in a long time.
I'm also seriously considering waking up earlier than I have been, running to Hoover, and trying to get something that resembles a tan. I'm pale as death... that's a lie. Death does not have a shade... except perhaps something truly menacing... and Hot Topic-esque.
And I want to start taking a few rolls of pictures a week. I really need to focus a little. But then, really, my junior and senior year of college are going to be soooo intense photo-wise -- assuming I stick with that major.
I got a call from Oklahoma Ryan the other night. That was real cool. He said he was in Des Moines, Iowa and there was a hip hop scene there. Hip hop can't be stopped! That kid is such a winner in my book, though. Love him.
My computer has too much adware/spyware. I want to burn all the CDs I have left to burn and reformat this stupidity. I have enough programs on here that can keep it running fairly smoothly, but it's still too annoying to deal with. Stupid computer hackers. Always getting themselves into some shit.
I think I'm okay with working tomorrow, but I'm really dreading an almost forgotten back to back Saturday/Sunday shift extravaganza. That's life, though.
I just realized what I need for my life. I want to keep all the components in my life, mostly unmodified... I think I just want to rearrange them to form a better composition. And this isn't a ranking of importance. It's a placement issue. I think I just need to pack my life's things/events/tendencies a little more efficiently to let room in for multiple breaths of fresh air.
And hopefully these breaths cover all the bases. People, events, feelings.
Or maybe I just need to wait a month and assume that college will solve all my problems like everyone else is. It's not really that unlikely, to be honest. A change of setting is very liberating, believe me. Brand new people... and hopefully a new level of sustained maturity.
Hahah. At the same time, I really have no idea why I'm so glum today or in this entry. Last night was a really great time. Every once in awhile, Hoover is genuinely fun. As for last night's success, I think I attribute it to the large[r] number of people and the widespread alcohol consumption. It's not that no one ever drinks up there, but I think one or two people just aren't enough to establish that sense of party livelihood. So when it became a significant number... it was ill. And I don't know. It seems like lately I haven't been feeling super good vibes from that place, but last night was positive. (PS. I didn't drink because I just don't drink... sorry?)
But that wasn't the best part at all. Can we just talk about how seeing true love personified into dinner conversation and laughter is the greatest thing to happen to me in awhile. I think I was just startled (in a good way) by the serious genuineness of Emily Whitman's laughter toward her boyfriend Jordan. Granted, Jordan was being fucking hilarious... but you could just tell she adores him. She ABSOLUTELY finds him 100% funny. There's no humoring. She genuinely enjoys his company. I think that's rare, especially when it seemed so positive. With other people, it seems desperate... or, at least, annoying in its glaring presence. Forced even, perhaps. But this was so comfortable and great. Made my night.
And I think I will end on that note because, right now, I can't think of anything better than all that.