(no subject)
I'm feeling much better but still the stomach cramps are not putting me at ease. All of a sudden it's like WHAM another attack of gremlins hitting my stomach with their fists as hard as possible. I tried to go to church this morning and had planned to pick Andrew up but unfortunately I had to call and cancel on him. I really wanted to go this morning, and the funny part wasn't because I wanted him to come along, I just wanted to go, I really look forward to going now. I have seriously been in this house for 5 days now, and left only once to drive Andrew home last night. Something is very strange about that boy, he's too nice and I don't feel like I can really trust him. I think I really have a trust issue with boys, like there is always an alter- motive, hmmmm something is strange. I'm not going to dig much deeper but I'm just going to ride this wave as far as it goes then swim back home to safety. I did have a freak out moment today, and it was funny when Hannah pointed it out, but I literally freaked out at the thought of marriage! It's weird cause I always thought I would be a person to settle down but with everyone getting married, the viewing of wedding pictures, people talking about maybe this is "the one" all I could think was "HELL NO!!!!" Maybe at some point I'll chill out but I think I just realized how much I want to do. How much freedom I want, how I don't want to be tied down. I want to travel around the world, make a mark in history, take crazy road trips and never look back and regret the stupid stuff I did. Why is everyone getting so serious?!?! It's really starting to freak me out!! It's funny 'cause I figured that once I got done with college I would just start teaching and settle down, but now I'm looking at the options and I don't know if I like it. It looks ok at times but hell, it scares the living shit out of me. I mean wedding bands, babies, houses, they all are nice but not now! Tomorrow I may be envious but not today this stuff is freaking me out, I just want to have fun, I'm too young!!!