Reflection
WEll, its that wonderful time again, time for a reflection. first, ill do the end of senior year, then, all of high school.
Senior year:
Definitely an amazing year. my greatest accomplishments, yet some not so good moments (definitely not the worst ive experienced though.) It started out simple enough, pretty predictable. I was captain of the drumline and things for the most part went well. it definitely wasnt easy, especially when fucking rumors are going around to your line about you, but all in all we accomplished quite a bit, and what didnt go well, i learned from. I wasnt really captain of winter line, and people learned really quick what they had lost from fall line. it was fun nonetheless and im excited about trying out for uofa next year. Moving on to work. I accomplished the most there. I became a manager and was definitely able to handle the job through the good and the bad. Im very much appreciated there by the people who matter, and that means more to me than anything. Those two are something that can never be taken away from me. Im also pretty sure i got a 4.0 unweighted this symester (pending final grades) and thats something i really wanted to do. Im glad. I grew up quite a bit this year. THere was quite a bit of negative going around, as there is every year. I learned a whole new aspect of the word trust, along with dilusional paranoia. When someone did something to upset me, i think i forgave those who i shouldnt have and didnt forgive the ones i should have, but i also wonder what would have happened if things were the other way around. The election really pissed me off, and im very upset that that douchebag fuck cunt shit bitch asshole mothershitter bush won again. I think that he is the last person that should be representing the image of the free world. I also enjoyed English very much, aside from the projects. I really enjoyed writing the inquiry paper and was extatic to find that i scored 100% on it (if anyone cares to read it, just ask me) I also had a lot of fun in forensics, something that could quite possibly play a role in my career, not to mention chatigny is a really cool teacher.All in all i did learn quite a bit this year, accomplished quite a bit this year, and continued my quest to find happiness this year. If i can think of anything else special that happened this year, ill give another update.
High School Overall:
I wouldnt trade it for anything else. I have learned more in the past four years than i did in 14 years before it. I cant believe its over, it really saddens me. Ive met some amazing people along the way, and some not so amazing, but either way, these people will have impacted my life for the better. I started high school a bitter person with not much to fall on. I soon learned to let go. By let go i dont mean slowly kill myself, but to let go of the stupid things in life. That is the most important thing i learned. By sophmore year i started laughing at my faults (primarily my weight) THis proved to be one of the biggest turning points in my life. THis continued throughout high school, and i noticed the more i made fun of myself, the less others made fun of me. I think what i learned is taht in order to be accepted by other people, I hafta accept myself, which is something i learned in high school, after much pain before that. I also learned that thinking that your mature for your age, is a bunch of crap, this one just came recently. I realized this when talking to a perfect stranger. I realized that i was truly able to be happy when i stopped trying to act above myself, and just started being myself, being a teenager. Im glad i discovered this before as opposed to halfway through college, because it will prove to be an essential part of my growth. I also learned quite a bit about human nature as well. First of all, it is human nature to want what you cant have. Its amazing, its like you can spend a long time thinking that somebody doesnt matter, but as soon as you realize that that person doesnt want you in their life, you want them back. So they act nice to you again, but you've lost interest, its not a challenge. Its fucked up, and i know, cuz ive been on both ends of it. I also learned something about suicide. Ive thought about killing myself, in rages, justbecaue of the people that hurt me, betrayed me, or just didnt care when they should have, when a true friend would have. I wanted them to live with the guilt that they had contributed something to such a sad and tragic event. Im not saying that was the motive for Jake, i honestly have no idea what happened, and Im honestly not sure i want to know. All i know is that for the reasons i did say, it woudlnt work. AS i learned, the only people that you can truly hurt with such a tragic event, are the people who truly care about you, and really did love you. The people you wanted to piss off will shed a couple tears at a funeral, and forget about you a week later like nothing happened. I was never really serious about suicide, but after seeing first hand what it would do to the people who truly love me, I would never be able to do something like that. Not to mention the new found fondness of life i felt throughout high school. It was amazing to finally be able to wake up in the morning to WANT to go to school to see your friends, as opposed to wishing you didnt have to go to school to see the people who hurt you, as i did for so many years. Its amazing the changes that can be brought to a person when they just open their eyes a little, and look at the world from more than one view.
All in all i am happy. I have not only learned quite a bit that will help me in life, but i also learned that I can accept myself for who i am, and that i should be damn proud of who I am, because I earned the right to be happy. I dont have everything, but I sure as hell am grateful for what i Have. All experiences I have had, Amazing, good, bad, shitty, Im glad they happened. I leave high school with few regrets, and a clear few that the future holds great things for me, as long as im willing to work for them, and as long as i am willing to be a good person and do the right thing.
Heres a song that best describes my feelings right now.
SO FAR AWAY
• Album: 14 Shades of Grey
• Track Number: 03
• Performed By: Staind
This is my life
It's not what it was before
All these feelings I've shared
And these are my dreams
That I'd never lived before
Somebody shake me 'cause I
I must be sleeping
Chorus
Now that we're here, it's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
And all the mistakes, one life contained
They all finally start to go away
And now that we're here, it's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
And I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be
The Person that I am today
These are my words
That I've never said before
I think I'm doing okay
And this is the smile
That I've never shown before
Somebody shake me 'cause I
I must be sleeping
Chorus (altered)
Now that we're here, it's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
And all the mistakes, one life contained
They all finally start to go away
And now that we're here, it's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be
The Person that I am today
I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Chorus
goodnight, and godspeed to the class of 2005, and to all thereafter. May our pasts hold important lessons, and may our futures hold the ultimate glory. Goodnight.
Senior year:
Definitely an amazing year. my greatest accomplishments, yet some not so good moments (definitely not the worst ive experienced though.) It started out simple enough, pretty predictable. I was captain of the drumline and things for the most part went well. it definitely wasnt easy, especially when fucking rumors are going around to your line about you, but all in all we accomplished quite a bit, and what didnt go well, i learned from. I wasnt really captain of winter line, and people learned really quick what they had lost from fall line. it was fun nonetheless and im excited about trying out for uofa next year. Moving on to work. I accomplished the most there. I became a manager and was definitely able to handle the job through the good and the bad. Im very much appreciated there by the people who matter, and that means more to me than anything. Those two are something that can never be taken away from me. Im also pretty sure i got a 4.0 unweighted this symester (pending final grades) and thats something i really wanted to do. Im glad. I grew up quite a bit this year. THere was quite a bit of negative going around, as there is every year. I learned a whole new aspect of the word trust, along with dilusional paranoia. When someone did something to upset me, i think i forgave those who i shouldnt have and didnt forgive the ones i should have, but i also wonder what would have happened if things were the other way around. The election really pissed me off, and im very upset that that douchebag fuck cunt shit bitch asshole mothershitter bush won again. I think that he is the last person that should be representing the image of the free world. I also enjoyed English very much, aside from the projects. I really enjoyed writing the inquiry paper and was extatic to find that i scored 100% on it (if anyone cares to read it, just ask me) I also had a lot of fun in forensics, something that could quite possibly play a role in my career, not to mention chatigny is a really cool teacher.All in all i did learn quite a bit this year, accomplished quite a bit this year, and continued my quest to find happiness this year. If i can think of anything else special that happened this year, ill give another update.
High School Overall:
I wouldnt trade it for anything else. I have learned more in the past four years than i did in 14 years before it. I cant believe its over, it really saddens me. Ive met some amazing people along the way, and some not so amazing, but either way, these people will have impacted my life for the better. I started high school a bitter person with not much to fall on. I soon learned to let go. By let go i dont mean slowly kill myself, but to let go of the stupid things in life. That is the most important thing i learned. By sophmore year i started laughing at my faults (primarily my weight) THis proved to be one of the biggest turning points in my life. THis continued throughout high school, and i noticed the more i made fun of myself, the less others made fun of me. I think what i learned is taht in order to be accepted by other people, I hafta accept myself, which is something i learned in high school, after much pain before that. I also learned that thinking that your mature for your age, is a bunch of crap, this one just came recently. I realized this when talking to a perfect stranger. I realized that i was truly able to be happy when i stopped trying to act above myself, and just started being myself, being a teenager. Im glad i discovered this before as opposed to halfway through college, because it will prove to be an essential part of my growth. I also learned quite a bit about human nature as well. First of all, it is human nature to want what you cant have. Its amazing, its like you can spend a long time thinking that somebody doesnt matter, but as soon as you realize that that person doesnt want you in their life, you want them back. So they act nice to you again, but you've lost interest, its not a challenge. Its fucked up, and i know, cuz ive been on both ends of it. I also learned something about suicide. Ive thought about killing myself, in rages, justbecaue of the people that hurt me, betrayed me, or just didnt care when they should have, when a true friend would have. I wanted them to live with the guilt that they had contributed something to such a sad and tragic event. Im not saying that was the motive for Jake, i honestly have no idea what happened, and Im honestly not sure i want to know. All i know is that for the reasons i did say, it woudlnt work. AS i learned, the only people that you can truly hurt with such a tragic event, are the people who truly care about you, and really did love you. The people you wanted to piss off will shed a couple tears at a funeral, and forget about you a week later like nothing happened. I was never really serious about suicide, but after seeing first hand what it would do to the people who truly love me, I would never be able to do something like that. Not to mention the new found fondness of life i felt throughout high school. It was amazing to finally be able to wake up in the morning to WANT to go to school to see your friends, as opposed to wishing you didnt have to go to school to see the people who hurt you, as i did for so many years. Its amazing the changes that can be brought to a person when they just open their eyes a little, and look at the world from more than one view.
All in all i am happy. I have not only learned quite a bit that will help me in life, but i also learned that I can accept myself for who i am, and that i should be damn proud of who I am, because I earned the right to be happy. I dont have everything, but I sure as hell am grateful for what i Have. All experiences I have had, Amazing, good, bad, shitty, Im glad they happened. I leave high school with few regrets, and a clear few that the future holds great things for me, as long as im willing to work for them, and as long as i am willing to be a good person and do the right thing.
Heres a song that best describes my feelings right now.
SO FAR AWAY
• Album: 14 Shades of Grey
• Track Number: 03
• Performed By: Staind
This is my life
It's not what it was before
All these feelings I've shared
And these are my dreams
That I'd never lived before
Somebody shake me 'cause I
I must be sleeping
Chorus
Now that we're here, it's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
And all the mistakes, one life contained
They all finally start to go away
And now that we're here, it's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
And I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be
The Person that I am today
These are my words
That I've never said before
I think I'm doing okay
And this is the smile
That I've never shown before
Somebody shake me 'cause I
I must be sleeping
Chorus (altered)
Now that we're here, it's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
And all the mistakes, one life contained
They all finally start to go away
And now that we're here, it's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be
The Person that I am today
I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Chorus
goodnight, and godspeed to the class of 2005, and to all thereafter. May our pasts hold important lessons, and may our futures hold the ultimate glory. Goodnight.