Long time no see....

[bballchicky4u20]

It's not like anyone even uses livejournal anymore...but whats the harm in writing in it? Life has been interesting...the ups and downs. Lately I find myself wishing for the past knowing I can only live for the future. Life hasn't been all that great lately... and I've really been trying to find happiness. But where do you find real happiness? The kind that consumes your life and even when the bad comes that happiness is so strong...it over powers the bad. I used to have that... and now I need to find new happiness. Maybe it be from jumping in the snow because I want to feel something... to know I'm alive, or maybe by playing jokes on people to make them laugh, singing songs with old friends. I just wish I looked forward to my future... or even the next day. But, it seems like every new day is a new disapiontment. I don't know how to fix this... I need help.

I just wanna know I'm alive. And have life be so beautiful that in turn it makes me beautiful. But then again life is beautiful why am I just not seeing it?