Passion of a Saint
Title: Passion of A Saint
Genre: AU/AU Ennis/Jack
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The Characters of Ennis And Jack belong to the inimitable Ann Proulx. I am simply borrowing them for this story. No financial benefit is derived from this story.
Summary: A pious Ennis used to be a Deacon, hoping to become a priest, and the blue-eyed Jack offered him a love he could not resist.Warnings: This is set in an alternative universe. While similar, my Ennis and Jack are different characters, in a different time under different circumstances.
FeedBack: Yes, Please! I appreciate all feedback.
Thanks to my beta chamilet could not have done this without you. And thanks to
r_o_l_i_e for the artwork she created for this story.
My story ends here - so I'd like to thank everyone for the warm reception.
loreent said something recently that inspired me - that liking a story is about a heart beating in rhythm with the author's, not in perfect rhythm sometimes, but in rhythm - obviously I am paraphrasing, but I love the implication of her point. If you are thinking of writing a story - do try it and share with us - It doesn't matter if you are the next literary genius or not, only that you love BBMSlash, there are hearts that beat in rhythm with your own, and you will find them here.
EPILOGUE
Jack was graduating in a month.
“I still think you should invite them both.”
“No, Ennis.”
“I don’t understand why you won’t. It’s not like you don’t want to make peace with him, this is the perfect opportunity.”
Jack looked at him intently, “It’s not that I don’t want him to come, Ennis.”
“Then why?”
“I don’t want to hope, and have him crush my spirits on what should be a happy day for me,” Jack was visibly shaking.
Ennis pulled his man into his arms. “It’s okay Jack. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“You’ll drop it?”
Ennis couldn’t do that, so he did the next best thing. “I promise, I’ll never mention it to you again.”
That seemed good enough for Jack; it was sealed with a kiss.
**
“Ennis!” Jack’s mum was surprised to find the young man at her door.
“May I come in?”
“Of course, forgive my manners.” She ushered him through the foyer to the sitting area by the fireplace.
“Jack is graduating from Med school in a month.”
“I know, he told me the last time we spoke. We don’t speak nearly often enough.”
“I am here to deliver the invitation personally,” Ennis held up the envelope he was holding.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She reached for it.
Ennis pulled his hand away, “It’s for both of you. I’d rather hand it to the man of the house myself, if you don’t mind.”
She smiled, “You are banging your head against a brick wall.”
“Maybe I am,” Ennis was resolved to try nevertheless.
John Twist descended the grand staircase, “I thought I heard the door, who was it Maggie?”
Ennis stood, bracing himself for John’s reaction when he caught sight of him.
“It’s Ennis,” she replied her husband.
“Who’s that?” John reached the bottom of the stairs, where, the indoor plant, no longer blocked his view. “Oh, Jack’s…”
“Beau,” his wife finished off before his search for a characterization came up with an insulting one.
John Twist nodded.
Ennis held out his hand, “Good day, sir.”
Jack’s father ignored the outstretched hand, walking past Ennis to take a seat on the leather sofa.
“What can I do for you?”
“John!” Maggie interrupted before Ennis could say a word. “I have sat back and watched you disintegrate this family. I have a son you forbid me from mentioning and whom I can only see on the rarest of occasions when I run off to New York.”
She laughed bitterly at the shocked expression on his face, “You think I have not seen my son in four years? What kind of mother do you take me for?”
“You dared defy me, woman, you forget whose hand butters your bread!”
Her voice was stern this time, clearly not intimidated anymore, “I have stayed by your side because that’s what a good Catholic wife does and because I love you. If you think you scare me, or that your money holds me here, you are a fool.”
John Twist fumed, upset at being challenged like this, and in front of this Ennis guy.
“I will let you men talk. You will hear Ennis out!” She started to leave and stopped midway, “John, tread carefully. I have been patient and hopeful that you will reconsider. If you still insist our son is not a part of this family, I might have to leave this family to you.”
Ennis was shocked and watched the dainty, usually soft spoken lady depart. That had been a clear ultimatum and from the look on John Twist’s face, one he had never expected.
“Follow me,” John Twist rose and walked towards an oak door, Ennis on his heels.
The scent of tobacco hung in the air in this room.
“It’s my study; she won’t allow me smoke in the house,” Mr. Twist closed the door behind them.
Ennis smiled courteously, nodding in acknowledgment.
“I wondered why she was not going on and on about him. Should have known she was seeing him behind my back,” he gestured for Ennis to sit and sank into his armchair on the other side of his desk.
Ennis sat, still silent, trying to gather his thoughts. He had one shot at making his case.
“I did know, you know.” John Twist lit his pipe, “Every time she went to New York, she came back like the sun shone brighter. It was my way to save face, pretend the trip was just a shopping spree. No doubt she gave Jack all the cash the ATM would let her take out. I even asked the bank to increase the limit for cash withdrawals. She might think it of me, but I am not a monster.”
“Very few people really are…,” Ennis’ training as a priest had kicked in and he let the old man unload.
“I thought he’d see the folly of his ways, if he had to face the real harsh world out there, and come back. I had cut him off, but surely he knew my door was always open to him, if he repented of his ways.”
Ennis stared at the man, sensing that, in his own way, he did love his son.
“I’d panicked when school started and he didn’t show up, hadn’t requested a loan from any of the banks we had a line of credit at. I called and asked them to check with me if he went in. The call never came. When the school year started, I was unnerved. Surely, Jack would not give up his passion for medicine, which was not my idea by the way, and he’d fought like hell to get me on board.”
“He didn’t,” Ennis wanted to reassure him.
“I know; called the school. Paid in full, they said. I suppose you had something to do with it.”
“We came into an inheritance.”
“I knew, when I found out he was able to pay for school, that I’d lost a son; it would have been, the one thing, that could make him swallow his pride, and act with sense.”
Ennis’ heart skipped a beat, wondering for a moment if Jack would have chosen him over his profession, his gut knew the answer, “He would have given even that up, you know, if he’d had to.”
John Twist looked out through the window seemingly lost in thought, “I know.”
“He does love you.”
John Twist laughed; it was a bitter laugh, “Does he now?”
“He does,” Ennis was forceful, “He drinks his coffee every morning from this unsightly mug that’s all cracks. I can barely wash it clean. You bought it for him and even though you might have forgotten buying it, he still treasures that mug.”
“I remember that cup; his mother promised to break it so many times.” Jack’s father smiled and for the first time it reached his eyes, “He was ten. We were driving back from Lake Tahoe, and he made me stop at this Indian reservation. Everything there was hideous. I promised to buy him something nicer when we got to town, but he picked out a mug and looked at me with his adorable eyes. Anything for my boy, I’d said as I paid for it. I had never seen him happier. Between me and his ma, he rarely got a say in anything we bought. He was a good kid.”
“He still is.”
“Where did I go wrong? Can you tell me that? What did I do, to make him choose this?”
“It’s not your fault. There is nothing you could have done. It is not a choice, it’s who he is.”
“I am a Knight of Saint John, I went to church every Sunday, was a good Catholic, and raised him a good Catholic.”
Ennis wanted to tell him they were still good Catholics, but the Church probably didn’t agree, regardless of what Father Michael said. They may have God on their side, but they were not in communion with the Church.
“He made a laughing stock out of me, but I didn’t mind that, if only he would not damn his soul. You should know something about that, were you not to become a priest?”
“I was, sir, and I do know a lot about it.”
“So did my son seduce you?”
“No sir, I was of like mind when we met. I was trying to hide away from myself in the life of a cleric. Jack released me from my chains, made me realize that hiding would only kill me slowly, until I was an empty shell devoid of my own soul.”
John Twist grabbed a book from the shelf behind him, pushed it on the table until it rested in front Ennis.
Ennis read the title, “The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde.” He was confused.
“I heard it was written by a Catholic convert who’d been a homosexual in the nineteenth century.”
“I have never read it,” Ennis admitted, although he was familiar with the name of the author.
“A particular quote struck me as wrong-headed,” John Twist grabbed the book from Ennis and opened to a marked page.
He read, “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself.”
Ennis blushed upon hearing the words.
“Tell me Ennis, did your soul grow sick with longing?” John Twist mocked.
“It most certainly did.” He would have never thought to say it quite that way, but it was certainly true. Ennis held the old man’s gaze, the answer having wiped the smirk off his face.
“Why are you here?”
Ennis clenched the card he still held in his hand beside him, “I have come to invite you to Jack’s graduation.” He held out the invitation card to him.
“And why has my son not come himself?” John Twist did not reach for the offered envelope.
“He does not think you’ll come.”
“He knows me well.”
“Please consider it. You are still his father and it would mean a lot to him for you to be there.”
“He doesn't know that you are here, does he?”
“No, he does not.”
“You would have us reconciled?”
“Yes, I would.” Ennis nodded.
“Why?”
“Blood is thicker than water for Jack. I am hoping for you, too.”
“You really do love him, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“I cannot accept what he is. To do so would damn my soul and his, it is out of love that I cannot budge.”
Ennis saw the stern old man looking broken and weak; the sadness in his voice belied the pain behind his fortitude. Ennis knew his task was done, there was no more he say; he had tried his best. He rose to leave.
“Think about it, sir,” Ennis placed the card he was still holding on the corner of the table, “Pray about it, God could not possibly damn your soul for loving your son.”
“Would that do? My love, I mean. Even if I think you both sinners, and pray for your damned souls?” John Twist rose too.
“We are all sinners, sir.”
John Twist smiled, “That we are.” He liked the young man.
“I’ll be leaving; I have to be on a plane shortly.”
The old man nodded and came around his desk to walk Ennis out.
They walked in silence to the front door.
“Goodbye, sir.” This time Ennis didn’t hold out his hand, knowing it would be shunned. The man had been civil enough, no need to ask too much.
“Ennis,” John Twist called out as Ennis turned to leave.
“Yes, sir.” He turned around.
“It was brave of you to come here.”
“Jack’s the brave one, sir. He gives me the courage to be who I am.”
John Twist nodded and before Ennis could turn away again, held out his hand.
Ennis grasped it, shaking with emotion. He hoped the trip had not been all for nothing, and now he knew it wasn’t, even if the old man didn’t realize it, he had moved at least one inch. That would be enough, for now.
“If my son has to be like this, it comforts me that he has a man like you by his side. You seem like a good man. Damned, but good.”
Ennis smiled, “Thank you, sir. I know this is not easy for you. Please sleep on it, there is plenty of time to reconsider.”
“I will not stop the misses from being there, but I make no more promises.”
Ennis nodded, a silent understanding passing between them. Perhaps Jack’s mum could visit more often now that she didn’t have to hide from her husband. No, this trip was definitely not in vain.
**
“Ennis, I just got a call to pick up a check from the bursar’s office. Do you know what that’s about?” Jack said setting down the phone.
“No, I have no idea. What did they say?” Ennis was in the bathroom, drying off after a shower.
“That my account was paid twice over,” Jack was incredulous.
“Maybe it’s a mistake, you can sort it out next week,” Ennis said, secretly hoping that it wasn’t a mistake; only one person would pay Jack’s school fees, maybe he had reconsidered.
“Must be a mistake, you’re right. I'm too busy, to figure it out now, anyway,” Jack agreed.
“What time are we picking up your mum from the airport?”
“She gets here in an hour, we should be leaving soon. Get dressed already, thirty minutes on MapQuest is almost always much more in traffic.”
“Shouldn’t be that bad, it’s not rush hour.”
“Ennis, at JFK it’s always rush hour.”
Ennis smiled, Jack was right. He walked out of the bathroom in the ‘full monty’.
“Enisssssss,” Jack hissed.
“What?” Ennis feigned innocence.
“Quit prancing around like that. We are not having a quickie, not before picking mother up from the airport.”
Ennis smiled. Even after four years, he still got Jack all flustered easily, he liked that. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Jack Twist! It was the furthest thing from my mind.”
“I see you naked, it’s the first thing on my mind. Now get.”
“Yes, sir!” Ennis saluted, marching off before his cock betrayed him; the same thought was on his mind, too. It was always on his mind.
Fifteen minutes later Ennis was dressed and they were both sliding into the front seats of the Hyundai Genesis. It had been Ennis’ ‘you’re about to be a doctor' gift. It had to come a year earlier than Ennis planned, because one of Jack’s fourth year courses involved a rotation at a distant hospital. The trains were no longer running by the time Jack got off on some nights, and Ennis didn’t much like having Jack come home on the night bus. With his income they could afford it, so Ennis showed up at the hospital with the car one evening, hoping Jack liked the silver color he had picked out; he did.
Jack usually drove, except when he was with Ennis, then he liked to sit back and enjoy the ride.
Ennis was driving, Jack was the navigator. Ennis didn’t know his right from his left around the city, no matter how many times he drove around, which was rarely. He rather preferred the subway.
Finally they were parked and headed for the arrival area. Jack checked the boards, the plane was on schedule; it had landed about five minutes earlier.
They stood in the semicircle of family, friends and limo chauffeurs expecting arrivals. It wasn’t a long wait. The passengers from the recently arrived flight trickled out slowly.
Jack saw his mother and ran into her arms, “Mum!”
It was Ennis who first noticed the grey haired figure a few steps behind, slightly anxious in his stride.
“Welcome to New York,” Ennis grabbed the hand luggage he held, hoping he’d want to embrace his son.
Ennis’ voice snapped Jack out of his embrace with his mother; who was Ennis talking to?
“Dad!” Jack was astonished to see his father, he was unsure what his presence here was about, but the usually stern man held his arms open, and Jack ran into them like he was ten once again.
Ennis and Maggie stood aside, arms interlocked, watching father and son hug each other close.
“Thank you, Ennis.”
“You’re welcome.” Their eyes never left their loves, still locked together in an embrace.
Jack finally pulled apart and staring into his father’s eyes asked, incredulous, “The bursar’s office, that was you, wasn’t it?”
“You are my son, your education is still my duty, and besides, being a doctor is doing God’s work.”
“Healing the sick?”
“That’s a lot of healing you have to do, to thank him for sending this man your way.” John Twist nodded in Ennis’ direction.
Jack had no words; he pulled his father into another embrace and thanked God for the miracle of his presence.
**
They waited for the checked in luggage and headed for the parking lot. The chatter was kept safe, none of them wanting to rock the boat.
Once all in the car, Jack’s curiosity won out, “So Dad, what made you change your mind?”
“Jack!” Ennis and Maggie chided simultaneously.
“It’s okay,” John Twist owed his son the truth, “I went on a retreat, prayed.”
Jack nodded, “Where?”
“Jack!” Ennis and Maggie chided, again.
“What? I am curious,” Jack defended his inquisitiveness.
“St. Augustine’s actually.”
Ennis’ ears perked up at that, Jack too was roused.
“I met with…”
“Father Michael,” both men guessed out loud.
John smiled, “Not really, he sort off couldn’t stand the sight of me. It was Father Martin that took me under his wing.”
“Oh,” Jack and Ennis said in unison.
“What did the father say about us?” Jack asked.
“That he is upset; you've not come to visit in six months.”
Jack and Ennis laughed heartily and John joined in. Maggie stared at the three men, wondering what had gotten into her husband.
“I just got back two days ago. I really sorted through some things. There is a gathering of gay Catholics; I have their New York chapter in my address book. You have not turned away from the Church, I hope.”
Jack smiled, “No sir, we have not.”
“So you go to church every Sunday, then?”
“Maybe not every Sunday, sir.” Jack grinned.
The old man was happy; they were good men, the both of them. If the Church was wrong about their love, maybe the gates of St. Peter’s would open for them, if they pleased God in every other way.
"The good Fathers told me they would be here tomorrow, for your graduation."
"Yes, we are expecting them. Father Michael and Martin are always a blast," Jack confirmed.
“What exit?” Ennis loathed interrupting the father-son dialogue but he needed directions.
“Ummm, actually,” Jack turned to his father, “we booked mum a room at the Holiday Inn near our house, we didn’t know you’d be coming. We can take you to the Four Seasons instead if you wish.”
John Twist smiled at his son. He was proud of the man Jack had become, even if he’d rather not think on what Jack and Ennis did that made them a ‘we'.
“That’s okay, son. I’ll stay at the place you got for your mother.”
Jack nodded, surprised, but pleasantly so.
“Ennis, you’ll be exiting ‘Midtown Tunnel/Manhattan’ in three miles,” Jack looked at the directions on his lap to verify the information.
They’d gotten Jack’s folks checked into the hotel and waited in the room while they took turns in the shower. It was Thai food for dinner at a nearby local diner Jack and Ennis frequented. For the first time in five years, Maggie had her family back together, complete with its newest addition: Ennis.
**
It was graduation day, and a large crowd of students, faculty, family and well wishers, gathered at the University's ceremonial hall.
Jack walked onto the podium to collect his diploma and looked back into the crowd. Somewhere in that sea of people were his loved ones, the few people that really mattered. Father Michael and Father Martin had come for the occasion, as they had promised. His parents were both there and he was especially grateful his dad was there too. But it was Ennis who made it all worthwhile. Ennis was the only one he could not do without.
He heard them all cheer, when the announcer called out his name, and he blushed seeing them wave and holler like that. Ennis blew a loud whistle, ‘that was not allowed’. Jack stood center stage, as was customary after receiving the diploma, to the applause of friends and family. He stared up to the heavens for a moment, making a solemn promise to God: to multiply the talents he had been given, and serve God by serving others.
Later on, all six headed for a festive celebratory lunch at Jack’s favorite restaurant chain. Anything for my boy, Jack’s father had told him.
“Ennis?” Jack whispered into his ear.
“Yes?”
“You can throw away that mug now.”
Ennis looked at him, the question unspoken.
“I have the real deal now, his affection.”
Ennis pulled his other half into his arms and, forgetting they had an audience, kissed Jack with all the love he felt for him.
Both men blushed when they pulled apart, acutely aware of the four pairs of eyes on them.
“Ah, young love, what a beautiful thing to behold,” Father Michael declared.
Everyone smiled, even John Twist, and Jack was, finally, truly happy.
**
The END
threesomes