The Mjolnir [8/13]
Title: The Mjolnir
Authors: ames449 and bb1128
Genre: Gen/Hurt/Comfort
Characters: Cal and Niko Leandros, and others.
Disclaimer: The Leandros brothers and other various characters belong to the one and only Rob Thurman, not us.
Summary: It should have been a simple job. However Cal and Niko find themselves caught up in something more dangerous than they could ever have imagined.
A/N: Here's chapter eight, hope ya like it :)
Shit usually comes in threes - at least that’s how the saying goes. I had no fucking idea why shit couldn’t just come in ones or twos. Why three’s? If life is kicking you when you’re down, the last thing you want is a whole heap of crap to add to that. Still, fate was a bitch. We’d already been attacked and found out I was carrying a potentially dangerous object. I was just waiting for the third thing to bite us on the ass.
I’d managed to put my feelings about being hunted down and murdered aside for the time being. In other words, I did what I normally did when faced with these kind of problems; I ignored it and focused on something else - how the hell to keep my scrawny ass alive.
The Mjolnir, the hammer of doom, apocalypto power tool… whatever the hell you wanted to call it… was sat on Loman’s coffee table, the gauntlets next to them. Perched on the edge of the leather recliner, my head resting on the fist of my good hand, I was studying it carefully. It didn’t look like a weapon of mass destruction - the Mjolnir that is. Not that the gauntlets looked exactly fearsome either, but they were more formidable than the amulet. I had no idea how it was supposed to change into the hammer. I mean, it was very nice looking and everything, but from all this talk of killer construction tools I was expecting a sledge hammer at least. The Mjolnir’s undercover act was anti-climatic.
My brother and the puck had been buried nose deep in books since they discovered I had it and were talking in hushed voices on the other side of the room. Not that I cared, I had no interest in researching. Yeah, I found staring at the damn amulet a much better way of spending my time. I let a low huff of air out and scowled at the object. They wanted me dead for that? Man, life was unfair. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong goddamn time. I was going to be ventilated by Harry Henderson’s cousins because of events that were completely out of my control. Unfair really didn’t even begin to cover it.
“By Bacchus’ left ball, Caliban, stop it!”
Robin’s voice had my gaze snapping from the Mjolnir to the puck. He was squirming uncomfortably in his seat, his brow deeply furrowed.
“Stop what?” I asked, lowering my eyes back to the hammer… or the amulet of doom. I wasn’t calling it a hammer till I saw some damn evidence that it actually was a hammer of mass destruction.
“Staring at the thing.” Robin scowled. “You’re making me nervous.”
I sighed, brushing my hair out of my eyes before sinking back against the couch and forcing myself not to look at the amulet any longer.
“Yeah, well, I hate to say it, but I frigging told you both there was something up with that package.”
My brother gave me a level stare. “I’m not sure this is really the time to gloat, Cal.”
I forced a smile.
“I’m on the clock here, bro. I’m taking what I can get now before Gorilla boy and co return for the rematch - which I ain’t exactly holding my breath over me winning. So yeah, Nik, I’d say this is the perfect time to gloat.”
Niko’s eyes narrowed and his mouth tightened. “Don’t talk like that.”
“Why the hell not? According to Mr Doom and fucking Gloom over there, I’m totally screwed already.” I gestured at Loman with my good arm before continuing. “What the hell is the point of sugar coating this crap, Nik? They’re gonna come back and there isn’t a damn thing anyone can do to stop them.”
At my brother’s expression, I suddenly felt shame creeping into my soul. Yeah, apparently I had a soul and it was pounding me with guilt - which considering my DNA was nothing short of a miracle. I was one step down from Damien Thorn. Shit, there were probably assholes out there that thought I was the anti-Christ. Part human, part Auphe… it wasn’t surprising really. Even I wasn’t entirely sure how much monster my monster half was. It was almost laughable. Part demon and yet I still retained those annoying qualities that made us all human. Sometimes I wished I didn’t feel emotions and that I could just ignore them when they decided to yank on my guilt chain. It would have made it a lot easier to ditch my brother and Goodfellow and let Gorilla boy follow me instead. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to face this shit alone. It was selfish as hell, but I needed my brother, and I needed him more than I’d ever needed him right now. Call me whatever the fuck you wanted to call me, but I was scared. It may have made me a coward, it may have made me human but still, that emotion was very real and it wasn’t leaving me alone. Yeah, crazy I know. How was it possible to survive the Auphe and yet be terrified of a couple of trolls? I’d faced worse. Jesus, I’d been worse.
“Nothing is going to happen to you.” My brother said quietly, returning his attention back to the books. I was hoping they held all the answers to my current predicament for his sake. He already took protecting my ass personally enough as it was. I hated to imagine how he would take having to bury my ass in the ground because I was made into troll food. Niko did guilt better than anyone I’d ever met. He was a selfless bastard. He probably should have been canonised. Me? I probably should have been cast into the fires of hell and left to rot.
Ok, so Goodfellow wasn’t the only one dealing in doom and gloom, but I felt justified. It wasn’t every day you found out your life was potentially a ticking time bomb waiting to blow up. Despite my assurances that I was ‘dealing’ with this shit, I really wasn’t. I’d just become adept at hiding it. After all, I’d had years of practice.
It was only sheer force of will that pushed me towards a more positive attitude. Just because I was feeling sorry for my goddamn self didn’t mean I had to drag my brother into my chick-flick pity-city moment. He had enough shit to deal with as it was without my ass scraping across the floor.
“Ok, so if they can track the Mjolnir, why the hell didn’t they take the gauntlets? They were practically gift wrapped on the table.”
Goodfellow frowned at me before he answered, seemingly taking a moment to pull his thoughts into some semblance of order.
“According to the lore they need all four pieces of Thor’s arsenal in order to activate the Mjolnir. At the moment they have a brief awareness of its general location, but they cannot lock onto it accurately - which is probably why they could not find it in your coat. As for the gauntlets...? They have the ability to summon the hammer back to the wearer, but they don’t work in the same way as the Mjolnir.”
I scowled at the puck, wondering what the hell he was talking about. Yoda had jackshit on Goodfellow when it came to talking in goddamn code.
“Meaning what exactly?” I demanded.
“Unless they have the other three pieces, the Mjolnir is useless.” Robin took a deep breath before he continued. “But they aren’t easy to locate. After the first time Prymar stole the hammer, Freyja put protections over the other pieces to hide them so that even if the Mjolnir was taken, it could never be used. It is possible that Prymar’s trolls didn’t even notice the gauntlets were in your apartment. They don’t have the same awareness of them as they do with the Mjolnir.”
Yeah, not to mention they’d been too busy throwing the furniture to stop and check what was in grandma’s package.
I pulled a face as Robin’s words sank in. “So there are more of these pieces?”
“Járngreipr, the gauntlets, the Grídarvöl, the staff, and the Megingjord, the girdle.All three must come together to activate the Mjolnir.”
And we had two of the four pieces. Great.
“Why didn’t Freyja just hide the Mjolnir in the same way?” Niko asked carefully.
“You have to understand that the hammer itself is… like…a living thing.” Robin frowned deeply at his choice of words as if he wasn’t really sure that was what he was trying to say. “Its magic is older than the earth. From what I can gather the Mjolnir wouldn’t allow itself to be cloaked and so the goddess did the only thing she could - she masked the other pieces of the arsenal, hoping it would keep the hammer from ever being used by unfriendly hands.”
“So if we keep the gauntlets hidden, the Mjolnir can never be used?” I asked hopefully. It was the only variable we could control in this stinking mess. Fingers crossed it would be our salvation.
“In theory - yes.”
I glared at the puck.
“In theory?” I wanted more than theories. I needed facts. I needed to know how the hell to keep my ass out of the firing line.
“Well, no one has attempted to use Thor’s arsenal since Freyja put the charms on the pieces. I have no idea if it works.”
“No time like the present for a test run,” I snorted, “but I’d rather know what the hell I’m dealing with before I actually have to deal with it.”
“Before we actually have to deal with it.” My brother said firmly.
Semantics, Niko. Jesus, he was never going to let this one rest. There was no way in hell he was sitting this one out and he was going to drill it into my head if he had to. I chose to ignore his dig however. I wasn’t about flogging dead horses and my brother was stubborn as hell when he wanted to be. I was smart enough to recognise a lost cause when I saw one.
“So, we hide the gauntlets.” I continued as if Niko hadn’t even spoken. “If they can’t find them, then they can’t use the Mjolnir, right?” I split my gaze between Nik and the puck, searching for the confirmation I was hoping they would give me. Robin’s expression didn’t exactly fill me with confidence. His brow wrinkled as he shifted his shoulders uncertainly.
“Again - in theory.” Robin raked his hair back. I really wasn’t used to this side of the puck and it was freaking the hell out of me. I wanted the cocky sonofabitch back. I wanted the pervy bastard I’d come to know and vaguely tolerate over the last few months. I couldn’t wrap my head around this Goodfellow. It was upsetting the natural order of things.
“We just need to lay low until we can figure this out.” Niko met my gaze, his expression resolved.
“Yeah, well that wouldn’t be an issue, Cyrano, except these things can sense the hammer.” Ok, I was really trying to be the ‘glass half full’ guy but my cynical side was rearing its ugly head. I lived in the real world and right now the real world had me on its shit list.
My brother didn’t reply immediately and for a moment I thought I had managed to render him silent. I should have known better.
“You would have made a wonderful martyr, Cal.” Niko murmured irritably. “All this self-flagellation is giving me a headache.”
I smirked in spite of everything.
“If I’m gonna be immortalised, I’d rather go down swinging, Cyrano.”
He snapped his eyes to me. “Then stop with the self-pitying and act as if you want to come through the other side of this in one piece!”
I raised a brow. Ok, maybe I had been a little too vocal earlier.
“I do want to come through the other side of this.” I muttered.
“Good, because I would hate to think I wasted all those years training you to protect yourself only to have you throw yourself onto the sharp end of a sword now.”
Niko had a way of making me feel about ten inches tall, and teaching me humility was definitely one of my brother’s better talents. I’d been so wrapped up in myself that I hadn’t even thought about how this shit was affecting him. He had watched me die not that long ago and I didn’t doubt how badly that had screwed with his head at the time. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I doubted I would have handled it quite so gracefully.
“You know me, Nik.” I replied somewhat contritely. “If I’m going down, I’m taking as many sonsofbitches as I can with me.”
“I would prefer it if we could find a way to stop this without you having to go down, little brother.”
So would I, Cyrano, so would I.
I was just hoping my brother, Robin and Promise could pull a miracle out of the bag with this one. All this talk of Gods was making me cagy. It felt as if we had just figured out what the Auphe really were, and now we were getting force fed all of this shit. Elves, trolls, Gods and Goddesses… what would they come up with next? I cringed at the thought. I had a feeling we would be finding out soon enough.
“So I was thinking…” I heard an amused snort come from Robin’s direction and I could see the corners of my brother’s lips twitching. I was so glad I could be the source of their amusement.
“I’d proceed with caution, Cal.” Robin interjected, clearly amused. “Wouldn’t want you to strain anything.” Now there was the Goodfellow I knew. He thought he was a frigging comedian. I was laughing on the inside.
“Yeah, very funny, Loman. Now how ‘bout you zip it and let me finish.” My irritation was ignored of course. Robin, it seemed, still thought he was funny. Teasing smirk in place, he gave an exaggerated wave of his hand for me to continue. I glared at him, wanting to wipe the smug grin of his face. Arrogant bastard. But then I guess it was hard to spend eternity running around with some of the biggest names in history and not be a little supercilious.
“What is it Cal?” Niko pushed. His tone was curious, but it was cautious curiosity. I guess my rare attempt at using my brain actually made him a little nervous. I couldn’t say I blamed him. Nik was the brains of our operation, and it never failed to annoy him when I put my two cents in. Of course, it didn’t help that my input was usually an inappropriate comment that was used for the sole purpose of getting a rise out of my brother. It wasn’t exactly one of my smartest past times and it usually resulted with my ass on the floor, but hey…what else was a guy to do? It wasn’t like we could go out on the town to have some fun, or - God forbid - do something normal. I shuddered at the thought. Screw normal, I was more than content to annoy the hell out of my big brother. The small town, apple pie life gave me more nightmares than the homicidal trolls that wanted my ass on a plate anyway.
I blew out a dramatic sigh, “Would you stop looking at me as if I’m going to have some sort of fit or something. I am capable of thinking.”
Robin snorted. “I don’t doubt you are. It’s just more often than not you don’t, Cal. It makes a guy nervous when you do.”
“Cal.” Niko interrupted our bantering impatiently. Okay, so fun time was over. Big brother wanted an answer, and this time I was willing to be serious…for a few minutes at least. Sort of.
“Alright, alright, keep your panties on, Cyrano.” I ignored the pointed glare. Thankfully I was far enough away from my brother to prevent a sharp slap to the back of my head. My head hurt enough as it was without adding to the concussion. “I was just thinking that if these trolls can sense the Mjolnir … amulet… whatever the hell it is… then don’t you think we might be getting a little visit at some point? I don’t know about you, but I’m getting the whole sitting duck vibe just lounging around while we’ve - well - while you two have got your noses shoved in a book.”
“Well, what is it you suggest we do Cal? We don’t have all of the information that we need, and our options are limited as to where we can go.” Niko’s shoulders hunched slightly over the book he was holding in his lap. He let out a breath and locked his grey eyes on mine, “I don’t like this anymore than you do, little brother, but I think this is the best place to be for the time being.”
I let out another sigh, and this time it was more weary than anything, “I know, I know. It’s just…”
I trailed off watching my brother drag a hand down his face. He looked exhausted, and I had to wonder if he had even slept at all. Knowing Nik, I was guessing probably not, or at least not much. Wrecked was a look I was used to wearing, I wasn’t used to seeing it on my brother. I figured it was time to let my book smart brain go back to its usual hibernation, and let my mouth handle things for a bit. An annoyed Niko was better than what I was seeing now; dejected Nik was more than I could handle.
“Hey Loman,” The puck’s head shot up to look at me. “I hope you’ve got insurance on this place.”
He gave me a confused frown, and I heard my brother let out a huff that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. My brother knew me better than anyone, and no doubt he knew what I was getting at. Poor Robin… he still had a helluva lot to learn when it came to us Leandros’.
“Why do you say that?” His confusion was almost amusing. Almost. Under any other circumstances it would have been hilarious. Right now, I couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for the guy. Well, only a little sorry. This was just too good an opportunity to pass up.
I shot a look at my brother before turning to smirk at Goodfellow, “’Cause if Mighty Joe Young decides on a repeat performance you’re gunna need it.”
It took a moment, but he finally caught on, and when he did his eyes widened.
“Oh no! Definitely not! If you think those overgrown menacing Neanderthals are coming here you two have got another thing coming!”
I tried to frown at him, but found it hard to contain my amusement. I could tell that just the thought of Gorilla boy coming and stampeding through Robin’s spotless apartment was giving him a coronary. He was almost as fun to piss off as Niko and if it lightened the mood… well it was worth it. I could be a gloomy, cynical bastard but seeing my brother that way freaked me out.
“What? You think we invited them to come and trash our place?” Robin spluttered but I continued speaking before he could open his mouth, my right hand raised defensively. “I’m just saying Loman…The price of friendship and all that good shit is all about the sacrifices.”
“Sacrifices?!” He squeaked indignantly.
I could see Niko shaking his head out of the corner of my eye and it made it all the more difficult to keep from outright laughing at Robin’s outrage. Considering the contents of Goodfellow’s apartment were worth enough to feed a small country - for years - I could understand his distress. Didn’t mean I was letting up though. Nope, not a chance in goddamn hell! If I could lighten the mood even for a minute, I’d do it, and I’d do it for no other reason than to give my brother a break.
“Yeah, you know…” I started, gesturing negligently around the room, “a couple of paintings, an end table here or there, maybe a couch - nothing too big.” I continued relentlessly, a big teasing grin in place. “What’s a little wanton destruction and blood shed between friends?”
Robin narrowed his eyes and regarded me coolly, “I’ll give you a little blood shed, Caliban!”
Niko cleared his throat from the recliner he was perched on, the book on his lap coming to rest on a small side table before he raised hard eyes to the puck. Goodfellow spun around in his seat to face him and shot Nik a sheepish smile as my brother raised a brow. I grinned. There were a helluva a lot of bonuses to having a big brother who could level towns with a glare. This right here…? This was one of them.
No words were exchanged, but then no words were necessary. My brother could say in one look what most people couldn’t articulate after an entire conversation. Niko didn’t need to open his mouth to get his point across and he didn’t. The fact that Robin looked like a scolded school boy was evidence enough that Nik’s point had been made - and it had been made rather successfully. He gave an annoyed huff and mumbled something about his apartment and ungrateful bastards. My shit-eating grin only widened. Score one for Team Leandros, zip for the puck.
Settling back into the couch I moved my arm with caution, careful not to jostle my sore joint too much and let my eyes slide shut with a contented breath. The air in the room felt a little lighter at least; not the suffocating atmosphere that threatened to drown us all before. At least for a moment. It was a mistake to let my mind wander. Once again I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I was dragging my brother and Robin down with me. I’d come to the conclusion early on that life was a bitch, but I still didn’t like it. Just because I knew it sucked didn’t make it an easier pill to swallow.
Drifting on the edge between the waking world and the blessed oblivion that sleep promised, I heard an odd scratching sound. Holding my breath, I opened my eyes to mere slits and surveyed the room.
Nothing moved and everything seemed to be in place, but still I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something here. Frowning, I shifted my head to the side, plump cushions beneath my head sinking under the weight of my movement. My heart wasn’t pounding yet and I wasn’t anywhere near to piss my pants fear, but I still felt… wary…? Yeah, wary I guess. My instincts were muttering in my head to get the hell out of Dodge and it was weird as hell considering how silent the room itself was.
Across the room Niko was still sitting in his chair, various tomes piled by his feet and an exceptionally old looking book resting on his lap. His right hand ghosted along the lines on the pages and to anyone else he would appear to be solely focused on his reading. However I wasn’t anyone else, and by the slight shifting of his eyes I knew he’d heard it too. Great. What the hell was going on?
Robin was still seated on the smaller couch, book in hand, but I couldn’t tell if he’d heard the noise too. If he had he was hiding it well. He didn’t so much as twitch and he seemed to be lost in whatever it was he was reading. I toyed with the idea that I may have just been imagining things - the lack of sleep, and a history fucked up enough to deem me a perfect candidate for some kind of psychotic breakdown were definitely reason enough to consider it a possibility - but Niko’s bat-like hearing had tuned into something. In my eyes that meant I wasn’t completely nuts - not yet at least. We may have been a paranoid bunch, but that inbuilt instinct to sense uninvited guests had given us an advantage on more than one occasion in the past, and I wasn’t about to start ignoring it now.
I still couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary, but as I took a deep breath in through my nose, I grimaced. Yeah, we definitely had company - I could smell it and it smelt rank. I had no frigging clue what the hell it was that was making that stench, but shit, it was nasty, and smelt a little like wet dog, amongst other things. What I did know was that Robin didn’t have a dog. That had the hairs on the back of my neck raising.
My brother still hadn’t moved, but there was never a doubt that he’d be ready to fight at a moment’s notice. After all the shit with the Auphe, and now Gorilla boy and his buddy Sasquatch, my brother’s katana was never far from his side - as well as a shit load of other smaller blades and weapons Niko liked to keep on him. Big brother was a walking, talking arsenal - Old Yeller wouldn’t know what hit him when he finally came out to play. I just wished he’d do it soon. It was making me nervous as hell playing hide and seek with it… whatever the hell it was.
“You never did answer me about that insurance, Loman.” I muttered quietly, sitting up slowly and flicking my eyes around the room.
I didn’t even have to look to know that I was getting a pretty impressive death glare from everyone’s favourite puck. I could feel Goodfellow’s eyes searing holes in the side of my head.
“You couldn’t have just stayed in a hotel, could you?” Robin snapped, but underneath the anger there was something else. Apprehension perhaps; I wasn’t sure. I shot him a wide grin and let my mouth take it from there.
“What? And let you miss out on my pleasurable company?” My eyes were still scanning the room, searching for Lassie.
There was no mistaking the underlying meaning to the growl I got in response. Robin was pissed. Not that I blamed him. As always I’d opened my big goddamn mouth and now we were getting another visit. Had these frigging things never heard of an invitation? I sure as hell wasn’t welcoming them in. Then again they didn’t exactly play by the rules. We had an apartment that looked like it had only made it to the demolition part of the extreme makeover as a prime example.
“Most people tempt fate, Cal.” Robin drawled, grabbing for an expensive looking vase and clutching it to his chest protectively before he reached for another equally expensive looking ornament. His eyes darted wildly around the room before locking onto my face. “You…? You poke it with a frigging stick before you beat it round the head.”
He was right, but that didn’t mean I had to openly agree with him. He seized a small wooden box off the mantel, adding it to the collection of expensive crap he was already juggling in his arms. I gave him an incredulous stare, wondering if he was intending to gather the whole room. Shaking my head, I glanced once more in my brother’s direction and raised a questioning brow.
I’d heard something, could definitely smell something, but I still hadn’t seen shit. Niko gave me a tight shrug of his shoulders. He was just as confused as I was, but I saw his right arm slowly swing to the side of the chair where his sword was, long fingers curling around the hilt. He didn’t raise it, not yet, but he was ready. Not one to sit out on the action, I made a move for my Glock.
I’d barely moved an inch before I saw Niko’s eyes narrow. In the movies some dumb big breasted girl always stops, hearing a noise behind them and slowly turns around to face the monster before screaming. Well, I was pretty sure I didn’t have breasts and there was no way in hell I was screaming, but my heart rate did shoot through the roof. I could sense it now, feel its eyes on me… and I had to admit, I didn’t like the feeling. It made my shoulder blades itch.
My brother didn’t need to speak the warning. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out there was something behind me, but a lifetime of watching my brother’s facial expressions and actions had me reflexively spinning in my seat to get a look for my self.
“Holy shit!”
And if that wasn’t one of the ugliest frigging things I’d ever seen - and I’d seen some pretty fucked up shit in my time. It was grotesque looking, standing no more than two and a half feet tall. Its face was disfigured and misshapen, thick lips were twisted into a sinuous smirk, and its waxy skin was pulled tightly over protruding ribs. It was perched on the windowsill like some kind of chimpanzee, its arms too long for the tiny body it had.
I pulled a disgusted face, unconsciously taking a step back as the he thing looked at me and hissed. Yeah, that’s right, it freakin’ hissed like some demented cat. Not what I had been expecting, but then I’d come to expect the unexpected. Life was just one big goddamn surprise, wasn’t it? Spit… drool… slobber, whatever the hell it was sprayed out of its mouth in a short blast and fired directly into my face, the viscous goo clinging to my cheeks and dripping off my chin. I gagged, retching. It tasted worse than it smelt and it felt a thousand times worse than that.
“Oh, that’s just fuckin’ gross.” I snapped, dragging my good arm across my face.
At least the thing was small. A rematch with Gorilla boy wasn’t exactly on my to-do list and besides, I could take this thing one handed - well I literally was one handed so I didn’t really have much choice in the matter. I should have heeded Robin’s words however. Poking fate with a stick? Shit, I was smacking it around the head with a sledge hammer. The thing may have been the size of an oompa loompa - albeit an angry, ugly, stinky oompa loompa - but it moved with frightening agility, and with surprising force, it slammed into my chest. The air was forced out of my lungs as I staggered backwards, catching the back of the couch with my legs and falling against it. I threw up my good arm, fighting instinctively to release my bound shoulder from the confines of my sling as it clawed its way up my chest, snarling and hissing, needle pointed teeth barred like a rabid dog, putrid fetid breath searing my nostrils.
I pushed the heel of my hand into its throat and tried to push it off me, but I didn’t need to worry. My ninja big brother seized the thing by its coarse, dark hair and swung his sword in a wide arc, splitting the little shit in two.
“Are you alright?” Niko asked even as he placed his foot on the things torso and dragged the sword from its body.
“Fine.” I growled, taking shallow breaths through my mouth. I didn’t want to risk breathing through my nose. I already felt sick without taking a lungful of wet dog again. Scrubbing a hand over my face, I wiped the oompa loompa’s viscous saliva on my pants with a grimace. God that stuff was disgusting.
I made another reach for my gun, but something else caught my eye. The Mjolnir was sat on the table, staring mockingly up at me. I grabbed for it first, shoving it into my pocket as Niko reached out and took the gauntlets. I made a move to stop him but he shook his head and gave me a look that said arguing wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I would have argued it anyway - didn’t I always? - but my attention was diverted. Grabbing my gun off the table, I spun on my heel at the sound of Robin’s distressed voice.
The puck had discarded his belongings on one of the chairs and was now wielding a blade of his own, but it was more of a machete than anything else. Not that it matter. Sharp and pointy were usually the only specifications needed in a knife.
He was stood in the centre of a group of about ten of the little freaks - although where the hell they had come from, I didn’t have a goddamn clue. Astoundingly the puck didn’t look fazed in the least, in fact he sounded more annoyed than anything.
“Unbelievable!” He snarled, even as he cut down two of the little critters surrounding him. “You had to go and open your big mouth, didn’t you?! I swear to you - big brother or not - if these idiotic vermin destroy my humble abode you’ll get blood shed all right, but it sure as hell won’t be mine.”
Humble abode? Ha! I would have shot back a witty retort but I was kind of preoccupied. Robin had taken out two of the little shits, and yet the number of creatures around his feet seemed to have increased, not decreased.
“Is it my ‘magination, or does there seem to be more of these things?” I pulled a face. I was pretty sure I hadn’t imagined it and my brother’s bemused expression confirmed what I suspected.
Niko thrust his sword into the nearest freaky creature with the sickening squelch of torn flesh and muscles. It went down with a dramatic shriek, clutching a gnarled hand to its bloodied chest. Sure enough two more critters appeared out of thin air.
Nik’s lips twisted. “That’s annoying.”
“Annoying?” Goodfellow snorted irritably, hacking violently at the nearest one. “I’m not sure annoying covers it! This…? This is a disaster of epic proportions. How are we supposed to kill these things if they multiply faster than rabbits? Ye Gods, Hercules didn’t have this much trouble against the Hydra and I bet I don’t even get a footnote in history for my trouble!”
The puck cut one more of the things down but just as quickly as he did two more materialised out of thin air and vaulted against the fireplace wall, almost knocking a ceramic horse statue off the mantle. Robin swore and made a desperate grab for it before it hit the floor.
“Holy mother of Zeus!” He snapped, cutting down another critter. “This is ridiculous!”
I had to agree, but before I could comment Niko seized my gun and replaced it with an arm length blade.
“What’s this for?” I asked somewhat confused but reassured by the weight of steel in my hand. My brother paused long enough to slice and dice another creature that was skulking towards us before turning back to me.
“We’re quickly running out of places to stay, Cal.” He said almost conversationally. “Shooting up Robin’s apartment may not be the best of ideas.”
Okay, so he had a point but I still looked longingly at my gun before he tucked it into my waistband. The sword felt weird but it would be better in close quarters. Guns tended to make a mess, not to mention a helluva lot of noise. We’d already had the boys in blue paying our apartment a little visit, we didn’t need to add Robin to their radar as well.
As soon as my fingers were securely around the hilt, Niko spun on his heels and made another swipe with his katana, taking out two of our guests this time. I was moving more slowly but I didn’t have much trouble eviscerating one of them that was aiming a clawed hand at my throat.
I grimaced as its blood splattered across my face and dripped off the blade onto the floor, the wet dog smell washing over me in an unpleasant cloud of stinky yuckness. Just the thought of Goodfellow’s reaction to his once spotless white rug had me pulling a face. Give me these ugly bastards any day. Fighting them was a helluva lot better than listening to Robin bitching about how I had ruined an overpriced piece of carpeting any day of the damn week.
Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice. Robin was still growling and cursing as he cut the oompa loompa’s down but with each one he killed two more seemed to appear out of thin air, just as deformed and just as freaky looking as the little shits they replaced. I glanced up at Niko, who was holding his own against six of the critters, before wading in to help Robin. He was faced with ten of the bastards, snapping at his knees, clawed fingers digging into his calves.
I took out two of the little bastards before something hit me from behind. These things might have been small, but they were fucking strong and it was enough to stagger me. I half turned, sword swinging as I went but was mobbed by several of the dwarf like creatures. Feeling like a porcupine, needle pointed teeth broke through my skin hard enough to draw blood. I lowered my gaze, resisting the urge to freak out completely.
Three oompa loompa’s were firmly attached to my legs, and they weren’t showing any sign of letting me go. It was like being attacked by a group of horny Chihuahuas - only these frigging things had a bad case of the flesh eating munchies, and a good leg humping would have been a damn improvement to this crap.
With only one free arm, I did the only thing I could - I dropped my sword and tried to pull the grotesque knee-biting creatures off me. A great idea in theory; in practice…? Not so much. They didn’t move an inch and I could feel blood seeping down my legs as they dug their claws and teeth further into my flesh. Desperation overrode sense. I wanted these things off me, and I wanted them off now. I shook my legs out violently, trying to unseat them, but they were stubborn as hell. I was pretty sure they didn’t move so much as an inch.
“Jesus…” I muttered, panicked. I was definitely going to need a tetanus shot after this shit. “A little help here.”
I’d expected a sword, a smack… hell even a curse. What I got was something completely different.
The room filled with light suddenly, blinding and garish. I pulled my forearm over my eyes, the backs of my retinas burning painfully until it dissipated. The light faded like a dimmer switch being turned down and when I opened my eyes I was seeing coloured spots. Thankfully I wasn’t seeing any of the angry critters who had bitch slapped my ass into the middle of next week. Where the hell did they go anyway? And what the hell was that light? My head was killing me, and I felt like I’d been flash bombed.
Disorientated as hell, I almost threw punches when I felt a hand on my arm.
“Cal?” It was Nik. Evidently he had much better recovery time than I did, although I was starting to lose the flashing spots of light in my vision.
“W-what…the hell was that?”
Niko didn’t answer. He grabbed my wrist, and pulled me behind him suddenly. I gave him a questioning look until I realised what the problem was. Following his line of sight, I frowned.
A dark haired woman was stood in the doorway clutching an orb in her hands. her head lowered as she traced a long finger over it surface of it. It pulsated under her touch, her lips moving quickly with some kind of silent litany. It wasn’t until she halted muttering under her breath that the light faded from the sphere. As soon as she glanced up I recognised her immediately. It was the brunette from the damn airport.
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” I exclaimed incredulously.
She gave me a twisted smile. “Verndari.”
I shook my head. This had to be a joke! As if we didn’t have enough shit to deal with, now we had gibbering woman doing firework displays in Robin’s lounge. I would have asked if shit could have gotten worse, but fate had a sense of humour and I wasn’t willing to piss her off this time.
chapter nine
Authors: ames449 and bb1128
Genre: Gen/Hurt/Comfort
Characters: Cal and Niko Leandros, and others.
Disclaimer: The Leandros brothers and other various characters belong to the one and only Rob Thurman, not us.
Summary: It should have been a simple job. However Cal and Niko find themselves caught up in something more dangerous than they could ever have imagined.
A/N: Here's chapter eight, hope ya like it :)
Shit usually comes in threes - at least that’s how the saying goes. I had no fucking idea why shit couldn’t just come in ones or twos. Why three’s? If life is kicking you when you’re down, the last thing you want is a whole heap of crap to add to that. Still, fate was a bitch. We’d already been attacked and found out I was carrying a potentially dangerous object. I was just waiting for the third thing to bite us on the ass.
I’d managed to put my feelings about being hunted down and murdered aside for the time being. In other words, I did what I normally did when faced with these kind of problems; I ignored it and focused on something else - how the hell to keep my scrawny ass alive.
The Mjolnir, the hammer of doom, apocalypto power tool… whatever the hell you wanted to call it… was sat on Loman’s coffee table, the gauntlets next to them. Perched on the edge of the leather recliner, my head resting on the fist of my good hand, I was studying it carefully. It didn’t look like a weapon of mass destruction - the Mjolnir that is. Not that the gauntlets looked exactly fearsome either, but they were more formidable than the amulet. I had no idea how it was supposed to change into the hammer. I mean, it was very nice looking and everything, but from all this talk of killer construction tools I was expecting a sledge hammer at least. The Mjolnir’s undercover act was anti-climatic.
My brother and the puck had been buried nose deep in books since they discovered I had it and were talking in hushed voices on the other side of the room. Not that I cared, I had no interest in researching. Yeah, I found staring at the damn amulet a much better way of spending my time. I let a low huff of air out and scowled at the object. They wanted me dead for that? Man, life was unfair. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong goddamn time. I was going to be ventilated by Harry Henderson’s cousins because of events that were completely out of my control. Unfair really didn’t even begin to cover it.
“By Bacchus’ left ball, Caliban, stop it!”
Robin’s voice had my gaze snapping from the Mjolnir to the puck. He was squirming uncomfortably in his seat, his brow deeply furrowed.
“Stop what?” I asked, lowering my eyes back to the hammer… or the amulet of doom. I wasn’t calling it a hammer till I saw some damn evidence that it actually was a hammer of mass destruction.
“Staring at the thing.” Robin scowled. “You’re making me nervous.”
I sighed, brushing my hair out of my eyes before sinking back against the couch and forcing myself not to look at the amulet any longer.
“Yeah, well, I hate to say it, but I frigging told you both there was something up with that package.”
My brother gave me a level stare. “I’m not sure this is really the time to gloat, Cal.”
I forced a smile.
“I’m on the clock here, bro. I’m taking what I can get now before Gorilla boy and co return for the rematch - which I ain’t exactly holding my breath over me winning. So yeah, Nik, I’d say this is the perfect time to gloat.”
Niko’s eyes narrowed and his mouth tightened. “Don’t talk like that.”
“Why the hell not? According to Mr Doom and fucking Gloom over there, I’m totally screwed already.” I gestured at Loman with my good arm before continuing. “What the hell is the point of sugar coating this crap, Nik? They’re gonna come back and there isn’t a damn thing anyone can do to stop them.”
At my brother’s expression, I suddenly felt shame creeping into my soul. Yeah, apparently I had a soul and it was pounding me with guilt - which considering my DNA was nothing short of a miracle. I was one step down from Damien Thorn. Shit, there were probably assholes out there that thought I was the anti-Christ. Part human, part Auphe… it wasn’t surprising really. Even I wasn’t entirely sure how much monster my monster half was. It was almost laughable. Part demon and yet I still retained those annoying qualities that made us all human. Sometimes I wished I didn’t feel emotions and that I could just ignore them when they decided to yank on my guilt chain. It would have made it a lot easier to ditch my brother and Goodfellow and let Gorilla boy follow me instead. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to face this shit alone. It was selfish as hell, but I needed my brother, and I needed him more than I’d ever needed him right now. Call me whatever the fuck you wanted to call me, but I was scared. It may have made me a coward, it may have made me human but still, that emotion was very real and it wasn’t leaving me alone. Yeah, crazy I know. How was it possible to survive the Auphe and yet be terrified of a couple of trolls? I’d faced worse. Jesus, I’d been worse.
“Nothing is going to happen to you.” My brother said quietly, returning his attention back to the books. I was hoping they held all the answers to my current predicament for his sake. He already took protecting my ass personally enough as it was. I hated to imagine how he would take having to bury my ass in the ground because I was made into troll food. Niko did guilt better than anyone I’d ever met. He was a selfless bastard. He probably should have been canonised. Me? I probably should have been cast into the fires of hell and left to rot.
Ok, so Goodfellow wasn’t the only one dealing in doom and gloom, but I felt justified. It wasn’t every day you found out your life was potentially a ticking time bomb waiting to blow up. Despite my assurances that I was ‘dealing’ with this shit, I really wasn’t. I’d just become adept at hiding it. After all, I’d had years of practice.
It was only sheer force of will that pushed me towards a more positive attitude. Just because I was feeling sorry for my goddamn self didn’t mean I had to drag my brother into my chick-flick pity-city moment. He had enough shit to deal with as it was without my ass scraping across the floor.
“Ok, so if they can track the Mjolnir, why the hell didn’t they take the gauntlets? They were practically gift wrapped on the table.”
Goodfellow frowned at me before he answered, seemingly taking a moment to pull his thoughts into some semblance of order.
“According to the lore they need all four pieces of Thor’s arsenal in order to activate the Mjolnir. At the moment they have a brief awareness of its general location, but they cannot lock onto it accurately - which is probably why they could not find it in your coat. As for the gauntlets...? They have the ability to summon the hammer back to the wearer, but they don’t work in the same way as the Mjolnir.”
I scowled at the puck, wondering what the hell he was talking about. Yoda had jackshit on Goodfellow when it came to talking in goddamn code.
“Meaning what exactly?” I demanded.
“Unless they have the other three pieces, the Mjolnir is useless.” Robin took a deep breath before he continued. “But they aren’t easy to locate. After the first time Prymar stole the hammer, Freyja put protections over the other pieces to hide them so that even if the Mjolnir was taken, it could never be used. It is possible that Prymar’s trolls didn’t even notice the gauntlets were in your apartment. They don’t have the same awareness of them as they do with the Mjolnir.”
Yeah, not to mention they’d been too busy throwing the furniture to stop and check what was in grandma’s package.
I pulled a face as Robin’s words sank in. “So there are more of these pieces?”
“Járngreipr, the gauntlets, the Grídarvöl, the staff, and the Megingjord, the girdle.All three must come together to activate the Mjolnir.”
And we had two of the four pieces. Great.
“Why didn’t Freyja just hide the Mjolnir in the same way?” Niko asked carefully.
“You have to understand that the hammer itself is… like…a living thing.” Robin frowned deeply at his choice of words as if he wasn’t really sure that was what he was trying to say. “Its magic is older than the earth. From what I can gather the Mjolnir wouldn’t allow itself to be cloaked and so the goddess did the only thing she could - she masked the other pieces of the arsenal, hoping it would keep the hammer from ever being used by unfriendly hands.”
“So if we keep the gauntlets hidden, the Mjolnir can never be used?” I asked hopefully. It was the only variable we could control in this stinking mess. Fingers crossed it would be our salvation.
“In theory - yes.”
I glared at the puck.
“In theory?” I wanted more than theories. I needed facts. I needed to know how the hell to keep my ass out of the firing line.
“Well, no one has attempted to use Thor’s arsenal since Freyja put the charms on the pieces. I have no idea if it works.”
“No time like the present for a test run,” I snorted, “but I’d rather know what the hell I’m dealing with before I actually have to deal with it.”
“Before we actually have to deal with it.” My brother said firmly.
Semantics, Niko. Jesus, he was never going to let this one rest. There was no way in hell he was sitting this one out and he was going to drill it into my head if he had to. I chose to ignore his dig however. I wasn’t about flogging dead horses and my brother was stubborn as hell when he wanted to be. I was smart enough to recognise a lost cause when I saw one.
“So, we hide the gauntlets.” I continued as if Niko hadn’t even spoken. “If they can’t find them, then they can’t use the Mjolnir, right?” I split my gaze between Nik and the puck, searching for the confirmation I was hoping they would give me. Robin’s expression didn’t exactly fill me with confidence. His brow wrinkled as he shifted his shoulders uncertainly.
“Again - in theory.” Robin raked his hair back. I really wasn’t used to this side of the puck and it was freaking the hell out of me. I wanted the cocky sonofabitch back. I wanted the pervy bastard I’d come to know and vaguely tolerate over the last few months. I couldn’t wrap my head around this Goodfellow. It was upsetting the natural order of things.
“We just need to lay low until we can figure this out.” Niko met my gaze, his expression resolved.
“Yeah, well that wouldn’t be an issue, Cyrano, except these things can sense the hammer.” Ok, I was really trying to be the ‘glass half full’ guy but my cynical side was rearing its ugly head. I lived in the real world and right now the real world had me on its shit list.
My brother didn’t reply immediately and for a moment I thought I had managed to render him silent. I should have known better.
“You would have made a wonderful martyr, Cal.” Niko murmured irritably. “All this self-flagellation is giving me a headache.”
I smirked in spite of everything.
“If I’m gonna be immortalised, I’d rather go down swinging, Cyrano.”
He snapped his eyes to me. “Then stop with the self-pitying and act as if you want to come through the other side of this in one piece!”
I raised a brow. Ok, maybe I had been a little too vocal earlier.
“I do want to come through the other side of this.” I muttered.
“Good, because I would hate to think I wasted all those years training you to protect yourself only to have you throw yourself onto the sharp end of a sword now.”
Niko had a way of making me feel about ten inches tall, and teaching me humility was definitely one of my brother’s better talents. I’d been so wrapped up in myself that I hadn’t even thought about how this shit was affecting him. He had watched me die not that long ago and I didn’t doubt how badly that had screwed with his head at the time. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I doubted I would have handled it quite so gracefully.
“You know me, Nik.” I replied somewhat contritely. “If I’m going down, I’m taking as many sonsofbitches as I can with me.”
“I would prefer it if we could find a way to stop this without you having to go down, little brother.”
So would I, Cyrano, so would I.
I was just hoping my brother, Robin and Promise could pull a miracle out of the bag with this one. All this talk of Gods was making me cagy. It felt as if we had just figured out what the Auphe really were, and now we were getting force fed all of this shit. Elves, trolls, Gods and Goddesses… what would they come up with next? I cringed at the thought. I had a feeling we would be finding out soon enough.
“So I was thinking…” I heard an amused snort come from Robin’s direction and I could see the corners of my brother’s lips twitching. I was so glad I could be the source of their amusement.
“I’d proceed with caution, Cal.” Robin interjected, clearly amused. “Wouldn’t want you to strain anything.” Now there was the Goodfellow I knew. He thought he was a frigging comedian. I was laughing on the inside.
“Yeah, very funny, Loman. Now how ‘bout you zip it and let me finish.” My irritation was ignored of course. Robin, it seemed, still thought he was funny. Teasing smirk in place, he gave an exaggerated wave of his hand for me to continue. I glared at him, wanting to wipe the smug grin of his face. Arrogant bastard. But then I guess it was hard to spend eternity running around with some of the biggest names in history and not be a little supercilious.
“What is it Cal?” Niko pushed. His tone was curious, but it was cautious curiosity. I guess my rare attempt at using my brain actually made him a little nervous. I couldn’t say I blamed him. Nik was the brains of our operation, and it never failed to annoy him when I put my two cents in. Of course, it didn’t help that my input was usually an inappropriate comment that was used for the sole purpose of getting a rise out of my brother. It wasn’t exactly one of my smartest past times and it usually resulted with my ass on the floor, but hey…what else was a guy to do? It wasn’t like we could go out on the town to have some fun, or - God forbid - do something normal. I shuddered at the thought. Screw normal, I was more than content to annoy the hell out of my big brother. The small town, apple pie life gave me more nightmares than the homicidal trolls that wanted my ass on a plate anyway.
I blew out a dramatic sigh, “Would you stop looking at me as if I’m going to have some sort of fit or something. I am capable of thinking.”
Robin snorted. “I don’t doubt you are. It’s just more often than not you don’t, Cal. It makes a guy nervous when you do.”
“Cal.” Niko interrupted our bantering impatiently. Okay, so fun time was over. Big brother wanted an answer, and this time I was willing to be serious…for a few minutes at least. Sort of.
“Alright, alright, keep your panties on, Cyrano.” I ignored the pointed glare. Thankfully I was far enough away from my brother to prevent a sharp slap to the back of my head. My head hurt enough as it was without adding to the concussion. “I was just thinking that if these trolls can sense the Mjolnir … amulet… whatever the hell it is… then don’t you think we might be getting a little visit at some point? I don’t know about you, but I’m getting the whole sitting duck vibe just lounging around while we’ve - well - while you two have got your noses shoved in a book.”
“Well, what is it you suggest we do Cal? We don’t have all of the information that we need, and our options are limited as to where we can go.” Niko’s shoulders hunched slightly over the book he was holding in his lap. He let out a breath and locked his grey eyes on mine, “I don’t like this anymore than you do, little brother, but I think this is the best place to be for the time being.”
I let out another sigh, and this time it was more weary than anything, “I know, I know. It’s just…”
I trailed off watching my brother drag a hand down his face. He looked exhausted, and I had to wonder if he had even slept at all. Knowing Nik, I was guessing probably not, or at least not much. Wrecked was a look I was used to wearing, I wasn’t used to seeing it on my brother. I figured it was time to let my book smart brain go back to its usual hibernation, and let my mouth handle things for a bit. An annoyed Niko was better than what I was seeing now; dejected Nik was more than I could handle.
“Hey Loman,” The puck’s head shot up to look at me. “I hope you’ve got insurance on this place.”
He gave me a confused frown, and I heard my brother let out a huff that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. My brother knew me better than anyone, and no doubt he knew what I was getting at. Poor Robin… he still had a helluva lot to learn when it came to us Leandros’.
“Why do you say that?” His confusion was almost amusing. Almost. Under any other circumstances it would have been hilarious. Right now, I couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for the guy. Well, only a little sorry. This was just too good an opportunity to pass up.
I shot a look at my brother before turning to smirk at Goodfellow, “’Cause if Mighty Joe Young decides on a repeat performance you’re gunna need it.”
It took a moment, but he finally caught on, and when he did his eyes widened.
“Oh no! Definitely not! If you think those overgrown menacing Neanderthals are coming here you two have got another thing coming!”
I tried to frown at him, but found it hard to contain my amusement. I could tell that just the thought of Gorilla boy coming and stampeding through Robin’s spotless apartment was giving him a coronary. He was almost as fun to piss off as Niko and if it lightened the mood… well it was worth it. I could be a gloomy, cynical bastard but seeing my brother that way freaked me out.
“What? You think we invited them to come and trash our place?” Robin spluttered but I continued speaking before he could open his mouth, my right hand raised defensively. “I’m just saying Loman…The price of friendship and all that good shit is all about the sacrifices.”
“Sacrifices?!” He squeaked indignantly.
I could see Niko shaking his head out of the corner of my eye and it made it all the more difficult to keep from outright laughing at Robin’s outrage. Considering the contents of Goodfellow’s apartment were worth enough to feed a small country - for years - I could understand his distress. Didn’t mean I was letting up though. Nope, not a chance in goddamn hell! If I could lighten the mood even for a minute, I’d do it, and I’d do it for no other reason than to give my brother a break.
“Yeah, you know…” I started, gesturing negligently around the room, “a couple of paintings, an end table here or there, maybe a couch - nothing too big.” I continued relentlessly, a big teasing grin in place. “What’s a little wanton destruction and blood shed between friends?”
Robin narrowed his eyes and regarded me coolly, “I’ll give you a little blood shed, Caliban!”
Niko cleared his throat from the recliner he was perched on, the book on his lap coming to rest on a small side table before he raised hard eyes to the puck. Goodfellow spun around in his seat to face him and shot Nik a sheepish smile as my brother raised a brow. I grinned. There were a helluva a lot of bonuses to having a big brother who could level towns with a glare. This right here…? This was one of them.
No words were exchanged, but then no words were necessary. My brother could say in one look what most people couldn’t articulate after an entire conversation. Niko didn’t need to open his mouth to get his point across and he didn’t. The fact that Robin looked like a scolded school boy was evidence enough that Nik’s point had been made - and it had been made rather successfully. He gave an annoyed huff and mumbled something about his apartment and ungrateful bastards. My shit-eating grin only widened. Score one for Team Leandros, zip for the puck.
Settling back into the couch I moved my arm with caution, careful not to jostle my sore joint too much and let my eyes slide shut with a contented breath. The air in the room felt a little lighter at least; not the suffocating atmosphere that threatened to drown us all before. At least for a moment. It was a mistake to let my mind wander. Once again I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I was dragging my brother and Robin down with me. I’d come to the conclusion early on that life was a bitch, but I still didn’t like it. Just because I knew it sucked didn’t make it an easier pill to swallow.
Drifting on the edge between the waking world and the blessed oblivion that sleep promised, I heard an odd scratching sound. Holding my breath, I opened my eyes to mere slits and surveyed the room.
Nothing moved and everything seemed to be in place, but still I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something here. Frowning, I shifted my head to the side, plump cushions beneath my head sinking under the weight of my movement. My heart wasn’t pounding yet and I wasn’t anywhere near to piss my pants fear, but I still felt… wary…? Yeah, wary I guess. My instincts were muttering in my head to get the hell out of Dodge and it was weird as hell considering how silent the room itself was.
Across the room Niko was still sitting in his chair, various tomes piled by his feet and an exceptionally old looking book resting on his lap. His right hand ghosted along the lines on the pages and to anyone else he would appear to be solely focused on his reading. However I wasn’t anyone else, and by the slight shifting of his eyes I knew he’d heard it too. Great. What the hell was going on?
Robin was still seated on the smaller couch, book in hand, but I couldn’t tell if he’d heard the noise too. If he had he was hiding it well. He didn’t so much as twitch and he seemed to be lost in whatever it was he was reading. I toyed with the idea that I may have just been imagining things - the lack of sleep, and a history fucked up enough to deem me a perfect candidate for some kind of psychotic breakdown were definitely reason enough to consider it a possibility - but Niko’s bat-like hearing had tuned into something. In my eyes that meant I wasn’t completely nuts - not yet at least. We may have been a paranoid bunch, but that inbuilt instinct to sense uninvited guests had given us an advantage on more than one occasion in the past, and I wasn’t about to start ignoring it now.
I still couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary, but as I took a deep breath in through my nose, I grimaced. Yeah, we definitely had company - I could smell it and it smelt rank. I had no frigging clue what the hell it was that was making that stench, but shit, it was nasty, and smelt a little like wet dog, amongst other things. What I did know was that Robin didn’t have a dog. That had the hairs on the back of my neck raising.
My brother still hadn’t moved, but there was never a doubt that he’d be ready to fight at a moment’s notice. After all the shit with the Auphe, and now Gorilla boy and his buddy Sasquatch, my brother’s katana was never far from his side - as well as a shit load of other smaller blades and weapons Niko liked to keep on him. Big brother was a walking, talking arsenal - Old Yeller wouldn’t know what hit him when he finally came out to play. I just wished he’d do it soon. It was making me nervous as hell playing hide and seek with it… whatever the hell it was.
“You never did answer me about that insurance, Loman.” I muttered quietly, sitting up slowly and flicking my eyes around the room.
I didn’t even have to look to know that I was getting a pretty impressive death glare from everyone’s favourite puck. I could feel Goodfellow’s eyes searing holes in the side of my head.
“You couldn’t have just stayed in a hotel, could you?” Robin snapped, but underneath the anger there was something else. Apprehension perhaps; I wasn’t sure. I shot him a wide grin and let my mouth take it from there.
“What? And let you miss out on my pleasurable company?” My eyes were still scanning the room, searching for Lassie.
There was no mistaking the underlying meaning to the growl I got in response. Robin was pissed. Not that I blamed him. As always I’d opened my big goddamn mouth and now we were getting another visit. Had these frigging things never heard of an invitation? I sure as hell wasn’t welcoming them in. Then again they didn’t exactly play by the rules. We had an apartment that looked like it had only made it to the demolition part of the extreme makeover as a prime example.
“Most people tempt fate, Cal.” Robin drawled, grabbing for an expensive looking vase and clutching it to his chest protectively before he reached for another equally expensive looking ornament. His eyes darted wildly around the room before locking onto my face. “You…? You poke it with a frigging stick before you beat it round the head.”
He was right, but that didn’t mean I had to openly agree with him. He seized a small wooden box off the mantel, adding it to the collection of expensive crap he was already juggling in his arms. I gave him an incredulous stare, wondering if he was intending to gather the whole room. Shaking my head, I glanced once more in my brother’s direction and raised a questioning brow.
I’d heard something, could definitely smell something, but I still hadn’t seen shit. Niko gave me a tight shrug of his shoulders. He was just as confused as I was, but I saw his right arm slowly swing to the side of the chair where his sword was, long fingers curling around the hilt. He didn’t raise it, not yet, but he was ready. Not one to sit out on the action, I made a move for my Glock.
I’d barely moved an inch before I saw Niko’s eyes narrow. In the movies some dumb big breasted girl always stops, hearing a noise behind them and slowly turns around to face the monster before screaming. Well, I was pretty sure I didn’t have breasts and there was no way in hell I was screaming, but my heart rate did shoot through the roof. I could sense it now, feel its eyes on me… and I had to admit, I didn’t like the feeling. It made my shoulder blades itch.
My brother didn’t need to speak the warning. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out there was something behind me, but a lifetime of watching my brother’s facial expressions and actions had me reflexively spinning in my seat to get a look for my self.
“Holy shit!”
And if that wasn’t one of the ugliest frigging things I’d ever seen - and I’d seen some pretty fucked up shit in my time. It was grotesque looking, standing no more than two and a half feet tall. Its face was disfigured and misshapen, thick lips were twisted into a sinuous smirk, and its waxy skin was pulled tightly over protruding ribs. It was perched on the windowsill like some kind of chimpanzee, its arms too long for the tiny body it had.
I pulled a disgusted face, unconsciously taking a step back as the he thing looked at me and hissed. Yeah, that’s right, it freakin’ hissed like some demented cat. Not what I had been expecting, but then I’d come to expect the unexpected. Life was just one big goddamn surprise, wasn’t it? Spit… drool… slobber, whatever the hell it was sprayed out of its mouth in a short blast and fired directly into my face, the viscous goo clinging to my cheeks and dripping off my chin. I gagged, retching. It tasted worse than it smelt and it felt a thousand times worse than that.
“Oh, that’s just fuckin’ gross.” I snapped, dragging my good arm across my face.
At least the thing was small. A rematch with Gorilla boy wasn’t exactly on my to-do list and besides, I could take this thing one handed - well I literally was one handed so I didn’t really have much choice in the matter. I should have heeded Robin’s words however. Poking fate with a stick? Shit, I was smacking it around the head with a sledge hammer. The thing may have been the size of an oompa loompa - albeit an angry, ugly, stinky oompa loompa - but it moved with frightening agility, and with surprising force, it slammed into my chest. The air was forced out of my lungs as I staggered backwards, catching the back of the couch with my legs and falling against it. I threw up my good arm, fighting instinctively to release my bound shoulder from the confines of my sling as it clawed its way up my chest, snarling and hissing, needle pointed teeth barred like a rabid dog, putrid fetid breath searing my nostrils.
I pushed the heel of my hand into its throat and tried to push it off me, but I didn’t need to worry. My ninja big brother seized the thing by its coarse, dark hair and swung his sword in a wide arc, splitting the little shit in two.
“Are you alright?” Niko asked even as he placed his foot on the things torso and dragged the sword from its body.
“Fine.” I growled, taking shallow breaths through my mouth. I didn’t want to risk breathing through my nose. I already felt sick without taking a lungful of wet dog again. Scrubbing a hand over my face, I wiped the oompa loompa’s viscous saliva on my pants with a grimace. God that stuff was disgusting.
I made another reach for my gun, but something else caught my eye. The Mjolnir was sat on the table, staring mockingly up at me. I grabbed for it first, shoving it into my pocket as Niko reached out and took the gauntlets. I made a move to stop him but he shook his head and gave me a look that said arguing wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I would have argued it anyway - didn’t I always? - but my attention was diverted. Grabbing my gun off the table, I spun on my heel at the sound of Robin’s distressed voice.
The puck had discarded his belongings on one of the chairs and was now wielding a blade of his own, but it was more of a machete than anything else. Not that it matter. Sharp and pointy were usually the only specifications needed in a knife.
He was stood in the centre of a group of about ten of the little freaks - although where the hell they had come from, I didn’t have a goddamn clue. Astoundingly the puck didn’t look fazed in the least, in fact he sounded more annoyed than anything.
“Unbelievable!” He snarled, even as he cut down two of the little critters surrounding him. “You had to go and open your big mouth, didn’t you?! I swear to you - big brother or not - if these idiotic vermin destroy my humble abode you’ll get blood shed all right, but it sure as hell won’t be mine.”
Humble abode? Ha! I would have shot back a witty retort but I was kind of preoccupied. Robin had taken out two of the little shits, and yet the number of creatures around his feet seemed to have increased, not decreased.
“Is it my ‘magination, or does there seem to be more of these things?” I pulled a face. I was pretty sure I hadn’t imagined it and my brother’s bemused expression confirmed what I suspected.
Niko thrust his sword into the nearest freaky creature with the sickening squelch of torn flesh and muscles. It went down with a dramatic shriek, clutching a gnarled hand to its bloodied chest. Sure enough two more critters appeared out of thin air.
Nik’s lips twisted. “That’s annoying.”
“Annoying?” Goodfellow snorted irritably, hacking violently at the nearest one. “I’m not sure annoying covers it! This…? This is a disaster of epic proportions. How are we supposed to kill these things if they multiply faster than rabbits? Ye Gods, Hercules didn’t have this much trouble against the Hydra and I bet I don’t even get a footnote in history for my trouble!”
The puck cut one more of the things down but just as quickly as he did two more materialised out of thin air and vaulted against the fireplace wall, almost knocking a ceramic horse statue off the mantle. Robin swore and made a desperate grab for it before it hit the floor.
“Holy mother of Zeus!” He snapped, cutting down another critter. “This is ridiculous!”
I had to agree, but before I could comment Niko seized my gun and replaced it with an arm length blade.
“What’s this for?” I asked somewhat confused but reassured by the weight of steel in my hand. My brother paused long enough to slice and dice another creature that was skulking towards us before turning back to me.
“We’re quickly running out of places to stay, Cal.” He said almost conversationally. “Shooting up Robin’s apartment may not be the best of ideas.”
Okay, so he had a point but I still looked longingly at my gun before he tucked it into my waistband. The sword felt weird but it would be better in close quarters. Guns tended to make a mess, not to mention a helluva lot of noise. We’d already had the boys in blue paying our apartment a little visit, we didn’t need to add Robin to their radar as well.
As soon as my fingers were securely around the hilt, Niko spun on his heels and made another swipe with his katana, taking out two of our guests this time. I was moving more slowly but I didn’t have much trouble eviscerating one of them that was aiming a clawed hand at my throat.
I grimaced as its blood splattered across my face and dripped off the blade onto the floor, the wet dog smell washing over me in an unpleasant cloud of stinky yuckness. Just the thought of Goodfellow’s reaction to his once spotless white rug had me pulling a face. Give me these ugly bastards any day. Fighting them was a helluva lot better than listening to Robin bitching about how I had ruined an overpriced piece of carpeting any day of the damn week.
Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice. Robin was still growling and cursing as he cut the oompa loompa’s down but with each one he killed two more seemed to appear out of thin air, just as deformed and just as freaky looking as the little shits they replaced. I glanced up at Niko, who was holding his own against six of the critters, before wading in to help Robin. He was faced with ten of the bastards, snapping at his knees, clawed fingers digging into his calves.
I took out two of the little bastards before something hit me from behind. These things might have been small, but they were fucking strong and it was enough to stagger me. I half turned, sword swinging as I went but was mobbed by several of the dwarf like creatures. Feeling like a porcupine, needle pointed teeth broke through my skin hard enough to draw blood. I lowered my gaze, resisting the urge to freak out completely.
Three oompa loompa’s were firmly attached to my legs, and they weren’t showing any sign of letting me go. It was like being attacked by a group of horny Chihuahuas - only these frigging things had a bad case of the flesh eating munchies, and a good leg humping would have been a damn improvement to this crap.
With only one free arm, I did the only thing I could - I dropped my sword and tried to pull the grotesque knee-biting creatures off me. A great idea in theory; in practice…? Not so much. They didn’t move an inch and I could feel blood seeping down my legs as they dug their claws and teeth further into my flesh. Desperation overrode sense. I wanted these things off me, and I wanted them off now. I shook my legs out violently, trying to unseat them, but they were stubborn as hell. I was pretty sure they didn’t move so much as an inch.
“Jesus…” I muttered, panicked. I was definitely going to need a tetanus shot after this shit. “A little help here.”
I’d expected a sword, a smack… hell even a curse. What I got was something completely different.
The room filled with light suddenly, blinding and garish. I pulled my forearm over my eyes, the backs of my retinas burning painfully until it dissipated. The light faded like a dimmer switch being turned down and when I opened my eyes I was seeing coloured spots. Thankfully I wasn’t seeing any of the angry critters who had bitch slapped my ass into the middle of next week. Where the hell did they go anyway? And what the hell was that light? My head was killing me, and I felt like I’d been flash bombed.
Disorientated as hell, I almost threw punches when I felt a hand on my arm.
“Cal?” It was Nik. Evidently he had much better recovery time than I did, although I was starting to lose the flashing spots of light in my vision.
“W-what…the hell was that?”
Niko didn’t answer. He grabbed my wrist, and pulled me behind him suddenly. I gave him a questioning look until I realised what the problem was. Following his line of sight, I frowned.
A dark haired woman was stood in the doorway clutching an orb in her hands. her head lowered as she traced a long finger over it surface of it. It pulsated under her touch, her lips moving quickly with some kind of silent litany. It wasn’t until she halted muttering under her breath that the light faded from the sphere. As soon as she glanced up I recognised her immediately. It was the brunette from the damn airport.
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” I exclaimed incredulously.
She gave me a twisted smile. “Verndari.”
I shook my head. This had to be a joke! As if we didn’t have enough shit to deal with, now we had gibbering woman doing firework displays in Robin’s lounge. I would have asked if shit could have gotten worse, but fate had a sense of humour and I wasn’t willing to piss her off this time.
chapter nine