(no subject)
during the summer, there are so many things to think about when you are lying in your bed, sweating your insides out through the tiny sweat glands in your skin. you can't sleep because the air is too thick to breathe, and you can't move because if you do, then the hot air is swirled around and makes you even hotter.
so i lie in bed and think about how well this summer chaperoning job is going. typically, i would have been much more worried about it, because that's what i'm best at: worrying. but, this time, i didn't have the opportunity to take a minute to reflect and thus fret about whether or not i would be a "good chaperone" or a "popular chaperone" or a "fun chaperone." instead, i came with no expectations, and have been pleasantly surprised by how naturally this all comes to me. hopefully the kids agree. then again, this is the first week. there are still five more to go. we'll see how i feel by the end.
i also lie in bed and think about "what my life is coming to." (the fact that i just typed that phrase makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth, but nevermind, because it is the most accurate phrase for what i want to say. so shh) the kind of dancer that i am trying to be is so different than i've ever been before, and the need for self-motivation is greater than ever. i must take all the initiative i can possibly muster just to stay in shape, but the scary fact is that my feet have been hurting with such a deep, internal, fiery pain, that i have been barely able to take a full class. it only really forces me to the point of hyperventilation when i am in class, because when i'm not, i try not to think about it. but then, it comes time for bed, and i remember that i am in such pain when i dance and i don't know what to do. some girls i know have had to have surgury for this condition. if it came to that, i think i'd just have to stop dancing. funny, this: every day for the past year i have wanted to quit, but now faced with the slight chance that i'd have to quit because of an injury, it just makes me want to dance more. isn't that always the way of things? but, like i said, it only bothers me in class and before bed.
question: if i'm not completely bonkers about someone who likes me, is it still possible to have a good relationship with said person? because i do like said person...i just wish that i was out of my mind about it. is that a lot to ask? someday...
so i lie in bed and think about how well this summer chaperoning job is going. typically, i would have been much more worried about it, because that's what i'm best at: worrying. but, this time, i didn't have the opportunity to take a minute to reflect and thus fret about whether or not i would be a "good chaperone" or a "popular chaperone" or a "fun chaperone." instead, i came with no expectations, and have been pleasantly surprised by how naturally this all comes to me. hopefully the kids agree. then again, this is the first week. there are still five more to go. we'll see how i feel by the end.
i also lie in bed and think about "what my life is coming to." (the fact that i just typed that phrase makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth, but nevermind, because it is the most accurate phrase for what i want to say. so shh) the kind of dancer that i am trying to be is so different than i've ever been before, and the need for self-motivation is greater than ever. i must take all the initiative i can possibly muster just to stay in shape, but the scary fact is that my feet have been hurting with such a deep, internal, fiery pain, that i have been barely able to take a full class. it only really forces me to the point of hyperventilation when i am in class, because when i'm not, i try not to think about it. but then, it comes time for bed, and i remember that i am in such pain when i dance and i don't know what to do. some girls i know have had to have surgury for this condition. if it came to that, i think i'd just have to stop dancing. funny, this: every day for the past year i have wanted to quit, but now faced with the slight chance that i'd have to quit because of an injury, it just makes me want to dance more. isn't that always the way of things? but, like i said, it only bothers me in class and before bed.
question: if i'm not completely bonkers about someone who likes me, is it still possible to have a good relationship with said person? because i do like said person...i just wish that i was out of my mind about it. is that a lot to ask? someday...