(no subject)
it makes me feel somewhat relieved to know that there are some of you out there who feel like i do, who have the same moods and disenchantments and inexplicable frustrations with the world/life/love/everything. as others have said, there is nothing new under the sun, and i find comfort in the fact that somewhere out there is someone who can exactly relate to what i feel at any given moment.
however
this does not make those things go away. o no. not in the smallest way. they are still there, rearing their ugly heads every time i close my eyes and try to imagine myself in a happy place. for all the tv i watch, for all the movies i see, for all the books i read, one would think that i would be substantially better at having an imagination and at pretending that i am a different person who would react differently to the frustrations in my life. but i continually amaze myself by how much i don't change. o no wait. i take that back. i do change. here is my amended statement: i get better at being worse and i get worse at being better. there. i've put it into words at last. funny how it doesn't necessarily help anything.
yet i am not feeling as despondant as i could/should be. there are still things to look forward to, people to see, jokes to laugh about...well, and that's pretty much all i have to wake up for, isn't it? i wake up so that my friends won't worry about me. not all true, but partly. hm...
however
this does not make those things go away. o no. not in the smallest way. they are still there, rearing their ugly heads every time i close my eyes and try to imagine myself in a happy place. for all the tv i watch, for all the movies i see, for all the books i read, one would think that i would be substantially better at having an imagination and at pretending that i am a different person who would react differently to the frustrations in my life. but i continually amaze myself by how much i don't change. o no wait. i take that back. i do change. here is my amended statement: i get better at being worse and i get worse at being better. there. i've put it into words at last. funny how it doesn't necessarily help anything.
yet i am not feeling as despondant as i could/should be. there are still things to look forward to, people to see, jokes to laugh about...well, and that's pretty much all i have to wake up for, isn't it? i wake up so that my friends won't worry about me. not all true, but partly. hm...