I Still Breath
Come take a look
Because all this could mean that I
Don't really care who ends up getting hurt
Please take a look
If it's judgement versus instinct
How do I feel when my feelings don't even work
Know that I'll be there
Cause I can see it in your smile
Time stood still for me when you call
Said I...
Answer me this
Yes, all I have is questions
You can't slip away and hide behind a false truth
Time takes too long
Just seems like I'm still standing here now
And I can't even feel the rain that hits my shores
Know that I'll be there
Cause I can see it in your eyes
Time stood still for me when you call
I'm still waiting, I still breathe
That's a sign that I'm still me
I'm still breathing, I can see
So I must be alive for real
When will I get there
I should be here by now
Got it all worked out
Did I see you laughing
Yeah, funny it's not me
In time, all I want is it away
Get too long and now its gone
It's gone
I'm still waiting, I still breathe
That's a sign that I'm still me
I'm still breathing, I can see
So I must be alive for real
So I must be alive for real
Yeah, I must be alive for real
I must be alive for real
One of my personal favorite songs, which I've listed as my music for today. It's a very somber track from a very up-tempo band, especially considering the rest of the album (The Fake Sound of Progress) was, in a word, bouncy. The entire album was absolutely amazing, lacking what I would be considered a bad track. It doesn't surprise me that they've had limited radio success, though; Lostprophets are little bit ahead of thier time when compared with other artists.
I listed this particular track because it captures my mood very well. I'm feeling emotionally drained considering the events of the last two months in combination with two deaths. I've decided that I'll be taking the summer off from school to get my head straight. Take some time to rediscover myself after these harrowing times. Of course, I could just be tired after last night, but I'll talk about that later in this entry.
It seems reveiwing over my journal that life is nothing more than a series of random happenstance and mistakes. Which vindicates me in my theory that we control our own destinies, really. This means that I'll decide my own fate, whenever I should be ready for it. I find this is extremely comforting; the thought of pre-destination is very disconcerting. If your life is already planned out for you, then why bother trying to accomplish anything when it would just as soon fall into your lap?
So, work sucked ass more than usual yesterday. I took all of four delivers in the course of 3 hours. That should have been more like 6-9 delivers considering I average 2-4 delivers an hour. I left there with all of 8 dollars... disgusting, really, since it took me 15 to fill up my tank. I noticed they've hired entirely too many drivers for the slow session (summer). I like my manager, really I do... but he's a moron. This is why I'm not making any money- because there are too many drivers working there and not enough delivers coming in. Which is his fault because he does the hiring and scheduling. Moron.
While at work I was doing a transfer of a picture that I drew for Ashley to make her feel better. It was coming along very well when Jen came over to talk to Jimmy with this crude all over her shirt. What did she do? Of course she shock her shirt out and got it all over my drawing! I wanted to kill that bitch... seriously, three hours of work just completely gone. So I threw that image out and started the transfer all over again on another page.
After that I went over to Jackie's place to hang out. Her family wanted to play Clue, but half-way through the game Jen and Hellen's (Jackie's sister) friend Sarah came over with a plastic bag of stuff for me. This just proves to me that the girl didn't appreciate a damn thing I did for her, because even the things I gave to her as a gift where in the bag. All the drawings, poems, flowers, and even the gift (a wallet and chain made with balls rather than links) that I spent three hours looking for was sent back. She used those things I gave her to spite me and make me look like an asshole in front of everyone. All I wanted back was my ring and hoodie... that was all. Those had sentimental value to me; I could have given a shit less about the other stuff. I was in no mood to play after that, so I went and had a cigarette with Jackie then bitched for a good 15 minutes.
Calming down, we went to play again but everyone else bailed, so Jackie and I decided to run by Applebee's to see Caitie at work. Getting there we found her section was taken up, but we got a table with a very nice young waitress who was extremely friendly. We each had a beer and split a sampler platter, eventually Caitie came over to see us and we had a good time as per usual.
After leaving, I stopped to get some requested beer and went over to Ashley's appartment. She was very pleased with the drawing and I felt better seeing her face brighten a bit. We drank and watched some old movie (Ashley is a huge fan of b&w cinema), then things turned up a little bit. Low and behold... I made the same mistake twice. How many times do I have to get burned before I'll learn? Anyway, it was good. She has actually changed quite a bit; she used to be very demanding in bed. This time it was much sweeter and she was way more giving. At least I can say I was drunk and incoherrent, thus taken advantage of. Being a male, that doesn't really bother me so much. In fact, it feeds the ego quite a bit for a woman to go through the trouble to use you for sex. But being able to say I was taken advantage of means that any strings that might have been attached because of the act are null and void, leaving me to just feel like a slut. She was still sleeping when I left for class this morning, but I'll see her again to escort her to the funeral this afternoon.
Because all this could mean that I
Don't really care who ends up getting hurt
Please take a look
If it's judgement versus instinct
How do I feel when my feelings don't even work
Know that I'll be there
Cause I can see it in your smile
Time stood still for me when you call
Said I...
Answer me this
Yes, all I have is questions
You can't slip away and hide behind a false truth
Time takes too long
Just seems like I'm still standing here now
And I can't even feel the rain that hits my shores
Know that I'll be there
Cause I can see it in your eyes
Time stood still for me when you call
I'm still waiting, I still breathe
That's a sign that I'm still me
I'm still breathing, I can see
So I must be alive for real
When will I get there
I should be here by now
Got it all worked out
Did I see you laughing
Yeah, funny it's not me
In time, all I want is it away
Get too long and now its gone
It's gone
I'm still waiting, I still breathe
That's a sign that I'm still me
I'm still breathing, I can see
So I must be alive for real
So I must be alive for real
Yeah, I must be alive for real
I must be alive for real
One of my personal favorite songs, which I've listed as my music for today. It's a very somber track from a very up-tempo band, especially considering the rest of the album (The Fake Sound of Progress) was, in a word, bouncy. The entire album was absolutely amazing, lacking what I would be considered a bad track. It doesn't surprise me that they've had limited radio success, though; Lostprophets are little bit ahead of thier time when compared with other artists.
I listed this particular track because it captures my mood very well. I'm feeling emotionally drained considering the events of the last two months in combination with two deaths. I've decided that I'll be taking the summer off from school to get my head straight. Take some time to rediscover myself after these harrowing times. Of course, I could just be tired after last night, but I'll talk about that later in this entry.
It seems reveiwing over my journal that life is nothing more than a series of random happenstance and mistakes. Which vindicates me in my theory that we control our own destinies, really. This means that I'll decide my own fate, whenever I should be ready for it. I find this is extremely comforting; the thought of pre-destination is very disconcerting. If your life is already planned out for you, then why bother trying to accomplish anything when it would just as soon fall into your lap?
So, work sucked ass more than usual yesterday. I took all of four delivers in the course of 3 hours. That should have been more like 6-9 delivers considering I average 2-4 delivers an hour. I left there with all of 8 dollars... disgusting, really, since it took me 15 to fill up my tank. I noticed they've hired entirely too many drivers for the slow session (summer). I like my manager, really I do... but he's a moron. This is why I'm not making any money- because there are too many drivers working there and not enough delivers coming in. Which is his fault because he does the hiring and scheduling. Moron.
While at work I was doing a transfer of a picture that I drew for Ashley to make her feel better. It was coming along very well when Jen came over to talk to Jimmy with this crude all over her shirt. What did she do? Of course she shock her shirt out and got it all over my drawing! I wanted to kill that bitch... seriously, three hours of work just completely gone. So I threw that image out and started the transfer all over again on another page.
After that I went over to Jackie's place to hang out. Her family wanted to play Clue, but half-way through the game Jen and Hellen's (Jackie's sister) friend Sarah came over with a plastic bag of stuff for me. This just proves to me that the girl didn't appreciate a damn thing I did for her, because even the things I gave to her as a gift where in the bag. All the drawings, poems, flowers, and even the gift (a wallet and chain made with balls rather than links) that I spent three hours looking for was sent back. She used those things I gave her to spite me and make me look like an asshole in front of everyone. All I wanted back was my ring and hoodie... that was all. Those had sentimental value to me; I could have given a shit less about the other stuff. I was in no mood to play after that, so I went and had a cigarette with Jackie then bitched for a good 15 minutes.
Calming down, we went to play again but everyone else bailed, so Jackie and I decided to run by Applebee's to see Caitie at work. Getting there we found her section was taken up, but we got a table with a very nice young waitress who was extremely friendly. We each had a beer and split a sampler platter, eventually Caitie came over to see us and we had a good time as per usual.
After leaving, I stopped to get some requested beer and went over to Ashley's appartment. She was very pleased with the drawing and I felt better seeing her face brighten a bit. We drank and watched some old movie (Ashley is a huge fan of b&w cinema), then things turned up a little bit. Low and behold... I made the same mistake twice. How many times do I have to get burned before I'll learn? Anyway, it was good. She has actually changed quite a bit; she used to be very demanding in bed. This time it was much sweeter and she was way more giving. At least I can say I was drunk and incoherrent, thus taken advantage of. Being a male, that doesn't really bother me so much. In fact, it feeds the ego quite a bit for a woman to go through the trouble to use you for sex. But being able to say I was taken advantage of means that any strings that might have been attached because of the act are null and void, leaving me to just feel like a slut. She was still sleeping when I left for class this morning, but I'll see her again to escort her to the funeral this afternoon.