why do abcent fathers suck!!!!!????
when i was born my dad wasn't there for most of my childhood life,i was about 2 or 3 when i met him and i can practically remember what it was like. i remember he smelled of tobacco and pepermint, and felt warm and welcomming, we hung out all day. it was wonderfull, and when i turned 8 or 9 it all changed it was never like that agian. he started fighting with my mom and taking his anger out on me. he would scream at me when i haden't done anything wrong. one time he called me names, horrible names. i don't know why i let him be so mean to me. most of my friends do not know that about me, and i wouldn't tell them(untill now) because they wouldn't be able to help me, no one can do anything to help me right now, except for me. i just need to deal with this myself. over the years of mental abuse i had made the decision that he just didn't love me, didn't even like me. so i dealed with that, then he left, and i thought it was just because he had put up with me and my mom long enough and he decided to leave, he couldn't stand us anymore. but agter a while he started hanging out with me, like he was an actual father. and he stopped yelling ,but that only happens when it's just me and him. when ever anyone else is around he pays way more attention to them and non to me, and i relize that sounds really verry egotistical but it's true. especialy when my brothers around. see, my brother's the STAR of the family. him with his musical talent and money making skillz,he's the pride and joy of m family, when ever i'm around hime or my mom itroduses me to her friends i'm always "kits little sister". "hi, this is my little sister" "oh, her, she's kits sister" and all my family tries to acquier his attention, his acceptance, they allways try to make him laugh, or smile and when they get it, they prance about with an accomplished smirk on there face trying to drag out there 15 min of fame. and both my parents do it and they don't even notice. it surprises me that two seemingly intelegent adults wouldcompletely shut there eyes to their daughter for their super duper, famouse, travling, musicly gifted son. and i'm not going to ever be like that, i'm sorry but i'll nevr be that talented in any thing, i thought maybe i would be able to be that talented in wrighting, but hey, it turns out i'm not that good at wrighting either. so here it is, my parents favor the talented rebeliuose older brother. and if they just idmited that thing might be ok. but no, they would rather put up the false projection that they love me and him the same, but i can see right through that.
so now when ever my dad does something for me, like buy me somthing, it's realy nice, it give me a sliver of hope,that maybe,maybe he does love me, if he's willing to spend some of the money he occasionaly gets,then maybe he doesn't completley hate me, so tday when i lost the eye liner HE bought me. i wasn't uppset about loosing eye liner, i was uppset that i had lost something my DAD had bought me!!! he doesn't buy me things, ever!! and when he does it's something small, and the act of getting me something,spending money,on me , made me feel important like he actually WANTS to be in my life,like he actually cares.
absent,abusive fathers suck
so now when ever my dad does something for me, like buy me somthing, it's realy nice, it give me a sliver of hope,that maybe,maybe he does love me, if he's willing to spend some of the money he occasionaly gets,then maybe he doesn't completley hate me, so tday when i lost the eye liner HE bought me. i wasn't uppset about loosing eye liner, i was uppset that i had lost something my DAD had bought me!!! he doesn't buy me things, ever!! and when he does it's something small, and the act of getting me something,spending money,on me , made me feel important like he actually WANTS to be in my life,like he actually cares.
absent,abusive fathers suck