. . . i miss the way we wer <3
okay this might be a kinda long entry thing. .cause im kinda in a crap mood*
i know i should be happy. . its summer, i have people who love me very much,
no school, the beach, and vacation in a few days. .but im not. im worse then
ever accually. . .there is stuff that i have been holding back to make other
people happy, to make all the other people feel like i moved on, kinda like
dont care so much about everyone attitude. i cant do that, cause i care alot
about other people. more then i should sometimes, but i do. and its something
that you cant really hide. iv been lying basically to someone that i care so
incredibly for, and its not fair to be doing. i have been slowly trying to make
it seem as if, i have moved on. .i cared no more, and thats completely the
opposite of what it is. im not mad at you drew, im mad at myself. .i lied to u
and thats something i promisd myself i would never do to you. .i dont lie to the
people i care about and i did. .. and im like, putting this fake face on, im
trying to be some1 im not and its pissing me off soo much , its making me treat
people that i love the most. .like shit< i know you dont like me puttin all this
stuff up on here, but this is the only thing i can do for now, it makes me so
misrable just thinking about it. i have millions of people telling me how wrong
you and me are, making me feel a billion times worse, but iduno i just cant let
that get to me i guess. everything happend today for a reason i guess, and the
thing is, your the only thing i could consintrate on. when i sayd i dont care
anymore, i lied, to you, and to myself. .i care more then anything in the WHOLE
world. when im with my friends, i put on the kristina doesnt care at all mood,
and thats why i was sayin all that crap to u, and being the way i was being.
im sorry drew, i feel like CRAP all the time, and the only time i dont, is when
im with u. .i just dont know what to do anymore. i mean, bro's before ho's, chicks
before dicks, and. . i dont want all my friends to tell me, one more time, i told
you soo! u went right back to him. . bla bla bla, but i cant help it, i mean,
dont they always say, follow your heart, yea, thats what im doing now, before i
was letting my heart tell my mind, what it thought was right, but my head just
totally messed it up, and turned it around, so my friends would be happy. .and
it didnt make me happy at all, it made me misrable. .i think i have come to a NEW
conclusion..to my friends : i love you all soo much, and as much as this kills me
to do to you, i gotta. . .im goin with my heart, im still young, what do i got
to loose????? i dont want u all holding me back ne more, i dont want you all telling
me what YOU want me to do, give me advice, ill listen to it, but dont force me
into n e thing..cause by the look on my face, ur gona be able to tell what my heart
is telling me...i need to go to bed and think about things. .wait for thursday <3
oox *
im soory
i know i should be happy. . its summer, i have people who love me very much,
no school, the beach, and vacation in a few days. .but im not. im worse then
ever accually. . .there is stuff that i have been holding back to make other
people happy, to make all the other people feel like i moved on, kinda like
dont care so much about everyone attitude. i cant do that, cause i care alot
about other people. more then i should sometimes, but i do. and its something
that you cant really hide. iv been lying basically to someone that i care so
incredibly for, and its not fair to be doing. i have been slowly trying to make
it seem as if, i have moved on. .i cared no more, and thats completely the
opposite of what it is. im not mad at you drew, im mad at myself. .i lied to u
and thats something i promisd myself i would never do to you. .i dont lie to the
people i care about and i did. .. and im like, putting this fake face on, im
trying to be some1 im not and its pissing me off soo much , its making me treat
people that i love the most. .like shit< i know you dont like me puttin all this
stuff up on here, but this is the only thing i can do for now, it makes me so
misrable just thinking about it. i have millions of people telling me how wrong
you and me are, making me feel a billion times worse, but iduno i just cant let
that get to me i guess. everything happend today for a reason i guess, and the
thing is, your the only thing i could consintrate on. when i sayd i dont care
anymore, i lied, to you, and to myself. .i care more then anything in the WHOLE
world. when im with my friends, i put on the kristina doesnt care at all mood,
and thats why i was sayin all that crap to u, and being the way i was being.
im sorry drew, i feel like CRAP all the time, and the only time i dont, is when
im with u. .i just dont know what to do anymore. i mean, bro's before ho's, chicks
before dicks, and. . i dont want all my friends to tell me, one more time, i told
you soo! u went right back to him. . bla bla bla, but i cant help it, i mean,
dont they always say, follow your heart, yea, thats what im doing now, before i
was letting my heart tell my mind, what it thought was right, but my head just
totally messed it up, and turned it around, so my friends would be happy. .and
it didnt make me happy at all, it made me misrable. .i think i have come to a NEW
conclusion..to my friends : i love you all soo much, and as much as this kills me
to do to you, i gotta. . .im goin with my heart, im still young, what do i got
to loose????? i dont want u all holding me back ne more, i dont want you all telling
me what YOU want me to do, give me advice, ill listen to it, but dont force me
into n e thing..cause by the look on my face, ur gona be able to tell what my heart
is telling me...i need to go to bed and think about things. .wait for thursday <3
oox *
im soory