all cried out.
I don't know but i seriously have never cried so much as i have in college. Infact, I hardly ever cried, i was always happy and when i wasn't happy i was mad, but never actually broke down into tears.. it was rare. This past week alone i've cried 3 or 4 days in a row. The first time was because joe and i got in a fight i really don't even remember what it was about now.. that's how most fights go you can only be mad so long before you start to forget why you were even mad in the first place. Mostly, because they're so insignifigant and stupid. But, yeah the next day was because my mom called me telling me that i did horrible last semester (like i didn't know and already feel like shit about it) and that maybe coming home and going to school around there would be better. Yeah, i think i'd just kill myself before that. It mighta been easier living home and going to school there if i had just come outta hs, but never that i had a taste of living on my own, its too great to lose. And, i ended up crying last night because joe was mad at me for something. It wasn't something to really cry over, i knew that, but i couldn't help it.. i don't know i don't like fighting with people to begin with and arguing with him was 10 times worse. He can just make me so upset. I think i'm just afraid to lose him. But, at the same time i think i was upset about other stuff too.
Sometimes, i feel that no one really knows me. I mean i guess that takes time to really, really know somebody, but there are a few people here i connected to right away and sometimes you can feel like you've known someone forever. I think Tee knows me best, but also Talisha and Sarah know me real well too. The guys at the apartment i don't think really know me. They see me as this ditzy, annoying, incompetent blonde. I know they do cause they make fun of me or comment all the time. I know most of them are just depressed but i was never viewed like that ever. My friends from home know me.. i was always the positive, happy, supporting, listener, sweet type. Unless i changed since i went to college and no one informed me. I really never thought things were such a big deal but when i constantly feel like that it really gets to me. And, no one can understand, cept Tee and Talisha who i told so they understand, they know me. But, whatever now not only am i whatever i said before but i look like im taking joes being mad at me and turning it around like im mad at him, which im really not, im just in a shitty mood but he doesnt know how i feel about other stuff. I needed space last night so i slept in my dorm alone and i felt better in the morning but now i feel shitty again. I don't know maybe we just spend too much time over there around each other. I never been around a person that much.. so maybe that's it. But, in the end i still look like im being the immature baby about everything, when really i just feel like no one understands me.. not like they care to know..
Sometimes, i feel that no one really knows me. I mean i guess that takes time to really, really know somebody, but there are a few people here i connected to right away and sometimes you can feel like you've known someone forever. I think Tee knows me best, but also Talisha and Sarah know me real well too. The guys at the apartment i don't think really know me. They see me as this ditzy, annoying, incompetent blonde. I know they do cause they make fun of me or comment all the time. I know most of them are just depressed but i was never viewed like that ever. My friends from home know me.. i was always the positive, happy, supporting, listener, sweet type. Unless i changed since i went to college and no one informed me. I really never thought things were such a big deal but when i constantly feel like that it really gets to me. And, no one can understand, cept Tee and Talisha who i told so they understand, they know me. But, whatever now not only am i whatever i said before but i look like im taking joes being mad at me and turning it around like im mad at him, which im really not, im just in a shitty mood but he doesnt know how i feel about other stuff. I needed space last night so i slept in my dorm alone and i felt better in the morning but now i feel shitty again. I don't know maybe we just spend too much time over there around each other. I never been around a person that much.. so maybe that's it. But, in the end i still look like im being the immature baby about everything, when really i just feel like no one understands me.. not like they care to know..