...still here huh?
Another two years went by and I found myself back on this page. I guess I haven't been able to write about my feelings in awhile, sometimes I think the only way I can even acknowledge how I feel is to write about them. I've gotten way too good at covering up my true feelings and I feel like sometimes I am losing pieces of myself. But how can I be my true self? Who is that person anyway? I feel like my life is wrapped around work, Kyle, friends and family that I don't even have TIME to reflect who I became in the past two years. Things confuse me and I ignore the fact it's frightening not even realizing what kind of person I am anymore. I'm not saying I'm some terrible person or I am lifeless (sometimes I can feel like that) I think this is more about who I am as a person, what I like and dislike about the world, my OPIONS on things. I feel like I spend a lot of time listening to others I end up agreeing with them or quietly disagreeing. But really, I need to work on OPINIONS, why and how I feel as I do. I need to work on not being scared to be my true self, whoever that person really is. Ah how can someone really know? What makes you, well..you? Things I do know about "me":
I love working at the hospital, it's something I am GOOD at and I LOVE helping people. Work is meaningful for me and I know I want to help people out and cheer them up if it's within my reach. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with life I focus my energy in getting lost with work. Taking more call and just focusing on working. I guess know that school is over I need something to distract me...but from what?
Being outdoors is another thing I LOVE. I did warrior dash yesterday...three mile race with obstacles scattered throughout, it was AMAZING. The very last part I was crawling through the mud and as I was jumping over the fire I felt such a sense of accomplishment. I love getting dirty outside, racing, being with nature. I really want to spend more of my time getting in touch with the world, there are so many beautiful things I just need to take the time out of my day to find them.
It feels nice to write in here again. I have a lot more to say, two years was a long time, but I'll get there when I can. All I know is I need to stop running from my emotions and I need to be OK with feelings. It's always been a struggle with me, but I owe that to myself at least...right?
I love working at the hospital, it's something I am GOOD at and I LOVE helping people. Work is meaningful for me and I know I want to help people out and cheer them up if it's within my reach. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with life I focus my energy in getting lost with work. Taking more call and just focusing on working. I guess know that school is over I need something to distract me...but from what?
Being outdoors is another thing I LOVE. I did warrior dash yesterday...three mile race with obstacles scattered throughout, it was AMAZING. The very last part I was crawling through the mud and as I was jumping over the fire I felt such a sense of accomplishment. I love getting dirty outside, racing, being with nature. I really want to spend more of my time getting in touch with the world, there are so many beautiful things I just need to take the time out of my day to find them.
It feels nice to write in here again. I have a lot more to say, two years was a long time, but I'll get there when I can. All I know is I need to stop running from my emotions and I need to be OK with feelings. It's always been a struggle with me, but I owe that to myself at least...right?