(no subject)

[baybeecait]

I dont want to use the word depressed because im not, but i am down.
I dont understand why its so hard...
I can tell Katrina what i feel and how i want it to work out
but i cant seem to tell him
things are always different when i talk to him
im scared
and lonley
and i cryed tonight for the first time since our fight
which btw you should know i didnt let him win.
i guess thats why we are where we are.
I was told today that there is a such thing as a perfect life
and for the first time i believe it...
thats what a want
i have to work to hard with him
and i dont mean im to lazy to work things out
i mean we are ALWAYS having to work on our relationship and it shouldnt be that hard
it didnt use to be
i want to be done
i want to cut all ties...until its night time
and im lonley and i want him to call
or even show up so i can talk to him and hug him
i just wish i could make up my mind
im so sick of feeling so many different feelings.
Maybe i should just graduate and move on...
move out...and start a whole new life....
idk anymore...well honestly
i dont think ive even known what i wanted....