Camping 101
I don't put pen to paper much anymore, but one week ago today we embarked on a family camping trip. It seemed like a good idea to take notes at the time. Here is the journal from that trip.
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It is a Friday night, around the dinner hour, and we are camping at a KOA Fun Park. The park is located just off of I-75, and about 15 minutes from our home.
The weather is rather pleasant, warm with a soft, intermittent breeze. My 5-year-old, Ben, is playing in the plastic playscape situated across from our campsite, along with a dozen other children. My wife, Joni, whose idea it was to camp, just drove off to attend a church picnic with our two girls, Claire and Emily. They will return in a couple of hours, at which time we will start a campfire and roast marshmallows. Around 10, or so, we will all pile in our tent and fall asleep.
It's a very nice cabin-style tent, about 14 feet by 8 feet, with a high ceiling. But it's still a tent. Most people staying in the park are staying in RVs.
I am no expert on camping, and am unfamiliar as to what a normal-sized campground would be, but this seems to be on the larger side. There is a pool near the entrance on the north side, next to the office and camp store. Here you can buy things you didn't think to bring, like a half gallon of milk for $4.29, or a small bundle of firewood for $5. There is an 18-hole miniature golf course badly in need of repair, and a building that houses crafts for children. Farther to the east is a "Fun Area" with bounce houses, and another building housing bathrooms and individual showers. On the map it all looks like a giant ant farm, with street names like RACOON WAY, CHIPMUNK CIRCLE and BUNNY LANE.
http://tinyurl.com/2g5d5l8
There are six or seven other tents grouped near us in the southwest corner of the park on Fox Hole Lane, and about a dozen small air-conditioned cabins. The RVs come in several sizes; several of the larger ones are self-powered, and tow another vehicle behind them. There are others that are themselves towed behind large pickups and sports utility vehicles.
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7 p.m.
Ben is eating dry Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a bowl. He is sitting at the picnic table which came with our assigned campsite at no additional charge.
We have a nice selection of breakfast cereals here with us, but no milk. We have both peanut butter and jelly, but no bread. We have both hot dogs and hot dog buns, but no fire, and no firewood. We have a very nice Coleman stove with two burners, but nary a pot or pan. There are other shortcomings, of that I am sure, but a car alarm has gone off two campsites over and interrupted my train of thought.
In any event, Joni will be stopping at the house to retrieve some of our missing items on her way back from the picnic. It comes as a bit of a surprise to be missing as much as we are, since we decided at the last minute to load the Prizm and bring it, too, along with the packed-to-the-brim Aztek. We are also in need of a flashlight and some bug spray, things we should have at home, but couldn't find before we left.
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8:10 p.m.
Joni has returned with the two girls. She has brought firewood, and has found the bread. The bread was here all along, evidently, in the back of the Aztek and under a pile of supplies. It's a bit squashed at the moment, but I'm confident it will bounce back well enough by morning should we want to feed some carp. She has also shopped at Rite Aid for a few more things, and bought a flashlight. The package came with three AAA batteries included. The price tag says she paid $17.99.
I am sure it is a very nice flashlight, but I cannot get it to turn on at the moment.
8:25
The flashlight is now operational. (The batteries were inserted wrongly.) And I learn it isn't our only flashlight. She hands me another one to assemble. This one is made out of a rugged rubber material. "I got a few of them. These were cheaper," she says. At $7.99, they're cheaper by more than half, batteries included. So altogether, we now have four flashlights. I look at the receipt, and along with tax and a $4.39 bottle of lighter fuel it totals $49.13.
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9 p.m.
After three unsuccessful attempts to start a campfire I am sent to buy a newspaper, and take off in the Prizm. I find a Detroit News ($1) at a relatively new market across the highway. The first thing I notice is that they are selling flashlights for $2.99. I also notice they offer a nice selection of fresh foods, including sushi! I buy myself a salmon roll for $4.99. The beer cooler looks mighty tempting, but it is getting late and I know our tent is a good 100 yards away from the bathroom.
9:30 The newspaper flares up nicely, but cannot sustain our fire. Four strikes and you're out. I'm resigned to the fact we will not have a fire this evening. Joni is not.
10:15
A man from the campground office is here to help us start a fire. I am hiding in the tent, actually, too embarrassed to come out while he and the wife see what they can do.
We had purchased a large bundle of firewood from a roadside vendor for 10 dollars, but now Joni has spent another $10 and bought two smaller bundles at the camp office. Because she did so they offered to help get the fire started. Joni wonders if our original firewood was dry enough. I wonder if we need kindling. Claire is crying because we don't have a fire, and because she can't make smores.
The man from the camp office says we need lighter FLUID, not the lighter FUEL we have. Lighter FUEL is for filling cigarette lighters and such, and for cleaning gummy surfaces like the residue left behind on packages after removing $17.99 price tags.
The man from the office gets the fire started. "Yay," Claire says.
10:20
The fire is out once again. More crying. The man comes back, puts some lighter fluid on the wood and starts it again. And five minutes later, it is out once again. Joni gives him a few dollars for his time. He thanks her, saying he will use it to buy his next bottle of lighter fluid.
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11:30
We are lying in our beds. The wife and I are sharing a full-sized air mattress, while the children are in sleeping bags at our feet. Joni picks this time to announce that there is poison ivy behind the tent, and says she hopes she wasn't standing in it earlier. Rain is forecast for tomorrow. Joni mentions that tents have collapsed before in the rain, and just in case, she goes outside to add extra support lines to the tent to protect us should the storm come earlier than expected.
I learn I can tap into a WiFi signal from the camp office on my iTouch for a free 30-minute trial, and do so. It's just enough time to play Facebook Scrabble, check to see how my fantasy baseball team made out, and to watch Jason Keller on YouTube sing a song about Badgers.
Midnight
A dog is barking less than 20 feet away from our tent.
The neighbors, to whom the dog belongs, are staying in the little log cabin next to us. They encompass a large group and are partying outside the cabin. Emily says she can't sleep with all the noise. An acoustic guitar starts up. A young man is singing something of his own making, and he has a lot of the women laughing at his lyrics.
"The last time (we were here) it was quiet," Joni says.
More barking. A different dog. There are many dogs here at the KOA Fun Park.
12:30
Ben is screaming and crying: "Itchy, itchy, itchy!" Apparently I was asleep, because this wakes me. Joni isn't here. I don't know where or when she left.
12:35
Joni enters the tent and reports that there is a large fire just to the north of the campground. Someone says a lumberyard is on fire. There is helicopter noise overhead. Do I want to come out and look? No, I do not.
12:45 Sirens announce the arrival of fire engines. Joni wants me to go and look, saying the flames and smoke are visible from here. Again I refuse. She zips down a window flap, and yes, by golly the flames are quite visible. I guess the epicenter to be about a mile away. There are more sirens. The entire sky to our north is orange. And to think we couldn't start a fire for anything less than a couple of hours ago.
1:00 Emily is tossing and turning, complaining of mosquitoes. Joni gets up to tend to her. "This is the worst night of camping, ever," she says.
3:25 I get up and get dressed so I can go take a pee. The sky is still orange, and after using the bathroom I walk over to the park entrance to get a better view. A few campers have gathered there by the pool, as if they're watching a subdued fireworks show. The fire is across the street from the campground, and was closer than I had originally thought. A man tells me spontaneous combustion ignited a large mound of mulch.
4:25 I wake up needing to go to the bathroom again. I fight off the urge and go back to sleep.
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9 a.m.
More items on the forgotten list: instant oatmeal, American cheese slices, and a spatula. Joni walks over to the camp store and buys a spatula and a large spoon. She's determined to make herself some eggs. Ben has a mouse under his left eye and another on his right eyelid from the mosquito bites, and is looking like he just lost a split decision.
It's a gray morning, but the rain has held off, at least for now. I find it odd that the other campers all seem so good-natured.
9:10 "I still think there has to be salt. I just have to find it," Joni says. "Organization is a big key."
9:42 Two women power walkers go by. The kids are playing on the playscape. And there are dogs everywhere. I've seen an Afghan hound, an Alaskan malamute, a chihuahua, a golden retriever, a few labs, and the black hound staying at the cabin next to us. Anytime someone walks their dog past the cabin, which is often, this hound goes nuts.
9:50 The kids are asking to swim. Emily is already in her suit, twirling a noodle. The women power walkers go by again, making a lap in 8 minutes. I eat two scrambled eggs from a plastic plate.
10:55 I'm back at the campsite after watching the kids swim. I sit in the car for a good five minutes, contemplating my lot in life and wonder if I am going insane. The weather has become uncomfortable and sticky. We need more ice. I need a shower.
At this point I stopped taking notes, because it seemed pointless and, let's face it, because I grew tired of taking notes. I made it through the night in part with my iTouch, and by making a promise to myself that I would never have to go camping again after this weekend.
Things got better, however. We swam in the pool a couple more times. The kids made crafts and played organized water games with other children. Ben rented a recumbent bike and enjoyed it. I went back to the house to get a pill and rested for an hour. We had visitors to tell our sad stories to: Joni's father came by in the afternoon, and in the evening Jeff and Evelyn Clark stopped by for 15 minutes on their way to the movies. At night, I was able to start a campfire, a good one, and even got in some Scrabble study while the rest of the family went on a hay ride. Sunday morning came easy. We ate French toast, swam and broke camp.
-------
It is a Friday night, around the dinner hour, and we are camping at a KOA Fun Park. The park is located just off of I-75, and about 15 minutes from our home.
The weather is rather pleasant, warm with a soft, intermittent breeze. My 5-year-old, Ben, is playing in the plastic playscape situated across from our campsite, along with a dozen other children. My wife, Joni, whose idea it was to camp, just drove off to attend a church picnic with our two girls, Claire and Emily. They will return in a couple of hours, at which time we will start a campfire and roast marshmallows. Around 10, or so, we will all pile in our tent and fall asleep.
It's a very nice cabin-style tent, about 14 feet by 8 feet, with a high ceiling. But it's still a tent. Most people staying in the park are staying in RVs.
I am no expert on camping, and am unfamiliar as to what a normal-sized campground would be, but this seems to be on the larger side. There is a pool near the entrance on the north side, next to the office and camp store. Here you can buy things you didn't think to bring, like a half gallon of milk for $4.29, or a small bundle of firewood for $5. There is an 18-hole miniature golf course badly in need of repair, and a building that houses crafts for children. Farther to the east is a "Fun Area" with bounce houses, and another building housing bathrooms and individual showers. On the map it all looks like a giant ant farm, with street names like RACOON WAY, CHIPMUNK CIRCLE and BUNNY LANE.
http://tinyurl.com/2g5d5l8
There are six or seven other tents grouped near us in the southwest corner of the park on Fox Hole Lane, and about a dozen small air-conditioned cabins. The RVs come in several sizes; several of the larger ones are self-powered, and tow another vehicle behind them. There are others that are themselves towed behind large pickups and sports utility vehicles.
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7 p.m.
Ben is eating dry Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a bowl. He is sitting at the picnic table which came with our assigned campsite at no additional charge.
We have a nice selection of breakfast cereals here with us, but no milk. We have both peanut butter and jelly, but no bread. We have both hot dogs and hot dog buns, but no fire, and no firewood. We have a very nice Coleman stove with two burners, but nary a pot or pan. There are other shortcomings, of that I am sure, but a car alarm has gone off two campsites over and interrupted my train of thought.
In any event, Joni will be stopping at the house to retrieve some of our missing items on her way back from the picnic. It comes as a bit of a surprise to be missing as much as we are, since we decided at the last minute to load the Prizm and bring it, too, along with the packed-to-the-brim Aztek. We are also in need of a flashlight and some bug spray, things we should have at home, but couldn't find before we left.
------------
8:10 p.m.
Joni has returned with the two girls. She has brought firewood, and has found the bread. The bread was here all along, evidently, in the back of the Aztek and under a pile of supplies. It's a bit squashed at the moment, but I'm confident it will bounce back well enough by morning should we want to feed some carp. She has also shopped at Rite Aid for a few more things, and bought a flashlight. The package came with three AAA batteries included. The price tag says she paid $17.99.
I am sure it is a very nice flashlight, but I cannot get it to turn on at the moment.
8:25
The flashlight is now operational. (The batteries were inserted wrongly.) And I learn it isn't our only flashlight. She hands me another one to assemble. This one is made out of a rugged rubber material. "I got a few of them. These were cheaper," she says. At $7.99, they're cheaper by more than half, batteries included. So altogether, we now have four flashlights. I look at the receipt, and along with tax and a $4.39 bottle of lighter fuel it totals $49.13.
-----------
9 p.m.
After three unsuccessful attempts to start a campfire I am sent to buy a newspaper, and take off in the Prizm. I find a Detroit News ($1) at a relatively new market across the highway. The first thing I notice is that they are selling flashlights for $2.99. I also notice they offer a nice selection of fresh foods, including sushi! I buy myself a salmon roll for $4.99. The beer cooler looks mighty tempting, but it is getting late and I know our tent is a good 100 yards away from the bathroom.
9:30 The newspaper flares up nicely, but cannot sustain our fire. Four strikes and you're out. I'm resigned to the fact we will not have a fire this evening. Joni is not.
10:15
A man from the campground office is here to help us start a fire. I am hiding in the tent, actually, too embarrassed to come out while he and the wife see what they can do.
We had purchased a large bundle of firewood from a roadside vendor for 10 dollars, but now Joni has spent another $10 and bought two smaller bundles at the camp office. Because she did so they offered to help get the fire started. Joni wonders if our original firewood was dry enough. I wonder if we need kindling. Claire is crying because we don't have a fire, and because she can't make smores.
The man from the camp office says we need lighter FLUID, not the lighter FUEL we have. Lighter FUEL is for filling cigarette lighters and such, and for cleaning gummy surfaces like the residue left behind on packages after removing $17.99 price tags.
The man from the office gets the fire started. "Yay," Claire says.
10:20
The fire is out once again. More crying. The man comes back, puts some lighter fluid on the wood and starts it again. And five minutes later, it is out once again. Joni gives him a few dollars for his time. He thanks her, saying he will use it to buy his next bottle of lighter fluid.
-------------
11:30
We are lying in our beds. The wife and I are sharing a full-sized air mattress, while the children are in sleeping bags at our feet. Joni picks this time to announce that there is poison ivy behind the tent, and says she hopes she wasn't standing in it earlier. Rain is forecast for tomorrow. Joni mentions that tents have collapsed before in the rain, and just in case, she goes outside to add extra support lines to the tent to protect us should the storm come earlier than expected.
I learn I can tap into a WiFi signal from the camp office on my iTouch for a free 30-minute trial, and do so. It's just enough time to play Facebook Scrabble, check to see how my fantasy baseball team made out, and to watch Jason Keller on YouTube sing a song about Badgers.
Midnight
A dog is barking less than 20 feet away from our tent.
The neighbors, to whom the dog belongs, are staying in the little log cabin next to us. They encompass a large group and are partying outside the cabin. Emily says she can't sleep with all the noise. An acoustic guitar starts up. A young man is singing something of his own making, and he has a lot of the women laughing at his lyrics.
"The last time (we were here) it was quiet," Joni says.
More barking. A different dog. There are many dogs here at the KOA Fun Park.
12:30
Ben is screaming and crying: "Itchy, itchy, itchy!" Apparently I was asleep, because this wakes me. Joni isn't here. I don't know where or when she left.
12:35
Joni enters the tent and reports that there is a large fire just to the north of the campground. Someone says a lumberyard is on fire. There is helicopter noise overhead. Do I want to come out and look? No, I do not.
12:45 Sirens announce the arrival of fire engines. Joni wants me to go and look, saying the flames and smoke are visible from here. Again I refuse. She zips down a window flap, and yes, by golly the flames are quite visible. I guess the epicenter to be about a mile away. There are more sirens. The entire sky to our north is orange. And to think we couldn't start a fire for anything less than a couple of hours ago.
1:00 Emily is tossing and turning, complaining of mosquitoes. Joni gets up to tend to her. "This is the worst night of camping, ever," she says.
3:25 I get up and get dressed so I can go take a pee. The sky is still orange, and after using the bathroom I walk over to the park entrance to get a better view. A few campers have gathered there by the pool, as if they're watching a subdued fireworks show. The fire is across the street from the campground, and was closer than I had originally thought. A man tells me spontaneous combustion ignited a large mound of mulch.
4:25 I wake up needing to go to the bathroom again. I fight off the urge and go back to sleep.
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9 a.m.
More items on the forgotten list: instant oatmeal, American cheese slices, and a spatula. Joni walks over to the camp store and buys a spatula and a large spoon. She's determined to make herself some eggs. Ben has a mouse under his left eye and another on his right eyelid from the mosquito bites, and is looking like he just lost a split decision.
It's a gray morning, but the rain has held off, at least for now. I find it odd that the other campers all seem so good-natured.
9:10 "I still think there has to be salt. I just have to find it," Joni says. "Organization is a big key."
9:42 Two women power walkers go by. The kids are playing on the playscape. And there are dogs everywhere. I've seen an Afghan hound, an Alaskan malamute, a chihuahua, a golden retriever, a few labs, and the black hound staying at the cabin next to us. Anytime someone walks their dog past the cabin, which is often, this hound goes nuts.
9:50 The kids are asking to swim. Emily is already in her suit, twirling a noodle. The women power walkers go by again, making a lap in 8 minutes. I eat two scrambled eggs from a plastic plate.
10:55 I'm back at the campsite after watching the kids swim. I sit in the car for a good five minutes, contemplating my lot in life and wonder if I am going insane. The weather has become uncomfortable and sticky. We need more ice. I need a shower.
At this point I stopped taking notes, because it seemed pointless and, let's face it, because I grew tired of taking notes. I made it through the night in part with my iTouch, and by making a promise to myself that I would never have to go camping again after this weekend.
Things got better, however. We swam in the pool a couple more times. The kids made crafts and played organized water games with other children. Ben rented a recumbent bike and enjoyed it. I went back to the house to get a pill and rested for an hour. We had visitors to tell our sad stories to: Joni's father came by in the afternoon, and in the evening Jeff and Evelyn Clark stopped by for 15 minutes on their way to the movies. At night, I was able to start a campfire, a good one, and even got in some Scrabble study while the rest of the family went on a hay ride. Sunday morning came easy. We ate French toast, swam and broke camp.