therealljidol Season 10-Week 13: Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter
It has been over a year since my mother passed away. I expected that her husband would have passed away before she did but that did not happen.
As cantankerous as my mother was, her marriage to my stepfather seemed to work. He was passive and she was domineering and bossy. There is no other way to describe her. My mother told her husband what to do and how to do it and he would bow to her wishes, not always expressed in the most polite and kind way.
There is no way that Chappy, as everyone calls him, is able to leave the nursing home. When my mother was alive she insisted that they would leave the facility and live on their own again. She fed that dream until she left for the hospital for the last time. She said it so Chappy believed it to be true. After my mother died I think Chappy believed the dream would be fulfilled, even though she wasn’t there anymore.
Sadly that dream has turned into a nightmare.
I went up to the nursing home to visit Chappy last week. I was greeted with hostility. I sold his house. He has no place to go. He has no wife. And he lost at Pokeno last week. He didn’t want to eat. He wanted to die.
No matter how I tried I could not distract him from the negative frame of mind that he exhibited. I tried talking about baseball. I allowed my dog to jump up and give him kisses. I tried to talk about things that would normally interest him: his grandchildren, local news and family gossip. I offered to get him some of his favorite junk food. Nothing worked.
When talking to Chappy’s daughter I learned that his kidneys are failing. The doctor said that he and Chappy discussed a “do not resuscitate” order if his health deteriorated to the point where that decision needed to be made. The doctor suggested that Chappy’s daughter discuss this with him to see if that’s what he really wanted. She said no that the D.N.R. should stand.
It is obvious that Chappy has lost all hope. For a while he would make an effort to engage in conversation. He would watch baseball. He would attend activities at the nursing home. Clearly that’s not happening now. I checked with the nurses and they told me that he is eating less and refuses to go to the main living room to get a change of scenery. He is in bed more than he is up.
In many ways I cannot blame him for feeling hopeless. His quality of life has diminished and his world is his room, his bed and his recliner. The only visitors he gets are his daughter, who seems to come less and less, and me. He can’t hear well enough to have a good conversation on the phone so that option is pretty well out.
Chappy wants to die. And I can’t blame him. That is the one hope he still clings to. May it come soon.
This is my entry for week 13 of therealljidol The topic is “Abandon Hope, all ye who enter here.” Thanks for everyone’s support! I’m so happy I’ve made it this far!
As cantankerous as my mother was, her marriage to my stepfather seemed to work. He was passive and she was domineering and bossy. There is no other way to describe her. My mother told her husband what to do and how to do it and he would bow to her wishes, not always expressed in the most polite and kind way.
There is no way that Chappy, as everyone calls him, is able to leave the nursing home. When my mother was alive she insisted that they would leave the facility and live on their own again. She fed that dream until she left for the hospital for the last time. She said it so Chappy believed it to be true. After my mother died I think Chappy believed the dream would be fulfilled, even though she wasn’t there anymore.
Sadly that dream has turned into a nightmare.
I went up to the nursing home to visit Chappy last week. I was greeted with hostility. I sold his house. He has no place to go. He has no wife. And he lost at Pokeno last week. He didn’t want to eat. He wanted to die.
No matter how I tried I could not distract him from the negative frame of mind that he exhibited. I tried talking about baseball. I allowed my dog to jump up and give him kisses. I tried to talk about things that would normally interest him: his grandchildren, local news and family gossip. I offered to get him some of his favorite junk food. Nothing worked.
When talking to Chappy’s daughter I learned that his kidneys are failing. The doctor said that he and Chappy discussed a “do not resuscitate” order if his health deteriorated to the point where that decision needed to be made. The doctor suggested that Chappy’s daughter discuss this with him to see if that’s what he really wanted. She said no that the D.N.R. should stand.
It is obvious that Chappy has lost all hope. For a while he would make an effort to engage in conversation. He would watch baseball. He would attend activities at the nursing home. Clearly that’s not happening now. I checked with the nurses and they told me that he is eating less and refuses to go to the main living room to get a change of scenery. He is in bed more than he is up.
In many ways I cannot blame him for feeling hopeless. His quality of life has diminished and his world is his room, his bed and his recliner. The only visitors he gets are his daughter, who seems to come less and less, and me. He can’t hear well enough to have a good conversation on the phone so that option is pretty well out.
Chappy wants to die. And I can’t blame him. That is the one hope he still clings to. May it come soon.
This is my entry for week 13 of therealljidol The topic is “Abandon Hope, all ye who enter here.” Thanks for everyone’s support! I’m so happy I’ve made it this far!