This is Odd
Wow this is so odd... I just finished reading through all my old posts. Its amazing how much things have changed in such a short time period. Most of my posts were about college and how I was gonna go to North Carolina and stuff. And now Im at UF. Its wierd thinking im in college. I went back to Killian this week and I got to see Speigel and Adams. It was nice seeing them but im still not used to the idea that I dont go there anymore. Its amazing how something can grow on you so much. It was only 4 years but so much has happened in those years. I know that I have changed a lot. Still not sure if its for the better or worse but I figure ill find out later.
Im just missing people and Killian. Also it seems like most of my fears are coming true. I mean its almost like ive lost a lot of my friends. I always thought that we would stay friends but no one really keeps in touch anymore. Yea there are a few people but not as many as I expected. Its partially their fault but also partially mine. I pulled away from them because I dont like what they are doing and I refuse to be around stuff like that. Maybe im just being stubborn and my conservative self but I just dont want to be around things that I dont like. It just makes me sad thinking that im not really friends with these people anymore. I think about the past and everything that we've gone through and im thankful for them. They really have helped me through a lot and I will never forget that. I miss what I used to have but things cant go back to how they used to be. I mean I dont even technically live in Miami anymore. I miss everyone and wish that I could combine my 2 worlds. at least parts of each. I dont like this feeling of not really living anywhere. I do have my group of friends at UF but its almost like I still dont live there. Its kinda like I have no true home. I miss Miami and wish I didnt have to go to college but at the same time im glad im in college. I had a great time over the summer, im just scared about the fall.
I dont know what to expect from the fall and I also dont know whats going to happen. Im scared about things that could happen. I still dont think they will and I really dont want them to but I cant help that stupid little part of me thats telling me that things will never be the same and that things may not work out. I like being the optomist and I still am most of the time. Theres just sometimes when I realize I dont really know as much as I thought I did. Theres so much that I still want to know but I dont know if I will ever really learn about any of it.
Tonight really got me thinking. Its so odd how the past always creeps up on you and how things remind you of what has happened. I realized reading through my old entries that some things will never change. I also realized that my life is kinda like a broken record. Things seem to keep happening just in different ways and through different people. I have the happy periods where life is bliss and im like the happiest person ever, I feel like I have the best of everything: friends, boyfriend, family, etc...then something happens and at least one of those things is changed and it throws me into a spiral. It also seems like ive almost lost a good amount of the friends ive ever made. I make a new group of friends for every part of my life and I always think that we will be friends forever because life just seems to be pointing that way, then something happens and we just fall apart. then the cycle continues. Im tired of having to always make new friends and always having to start over. I dont want to do this anymore. Why cant life just be somewhat easy for once? Why cant things just go as planned?
I really thought that everything would be ok and that the transfer wouldnt be so hard. its so much harder then I expected. Then again my life has never been easy so why did I even think this would be easier then it is. I really should have expected all of this. Its not that im depressed or anything...although it kinda sounds like it. Im just in a really contemplative mood and thinking about everything that has happened in my life. Life really is kinda odd when you think about it....
Im just missing people and Killian. Also it seems like most of my fears are coming true. I mean its almost like ive lost a lot of my friends. I always thought that we would stay friends but no one really keeps in touch anymore. Yea there are a few people but not as many as I expected. Its partially their fault but also partially mine. I pulled away from them because I dont like what they are doing and I refuse to be around stuff like that. Maybe im just being stubborn and my conservative self but I just dont want to be around things that I dont like. It just makes me sad thinking that im not really friends with these people anymore. I think about the past and everything that we've gone through and im thankful for them. They really have helped me through a lot and I will never forget that. I miss what I used to have but things cant go back to how they used to be. I mean I dont even technically live in Miami anymore. I miss everyone and wish that I could combine my 2 worlds. at least parts of each. I dont like this feeling of not really living anywhere. I do have my group of friends at UF but its almost like I still dont live there. Its kinda like I have no true home. I miss Miami and wish I didnt have to go to college but at the same time im glad im in college. I had a great time over the summer, im just scared about the fall.
I dont know what to expect from the fall and I also dont know whats going to happen. Im scared about things that could happen. I still dont think they will and I really dont want them to but I cant help that stupid little part of me thats telling me that things will never be the same and that things may not work out. I like being the optomist and I still am most of the time. Theres just sometimes when I realize I dont really know as much as I thought I did. Theres so much that I still want to know but I dont know if I will ever really learn about any of it.
Tonight really got me thinking. Its so odd how the past always creeps up on you and how things remind you of what has happened. I realized reading through my old entries that some things will never change. I also realized that my life is kinda like a broken record. Things seem to keep happening just in different ways and through different people. I have the happy periods where life is bliss and im like the happiest person ever, I feel like I have the best of everything: friends, boyfriend, family, etc...then something happens and at least one of those things is changed and it throws me into a spiral. It also seems like ive almost lost a good amount of the friends ive ever made. I make a new group of friends for every part of my life and I always think that we will be friends forever because life just seems to be pointing that way, then something happens and we just fall apart. then the cycle continues. Im tired of having to always make new friends and always having to start over. I dont want to do this anymore. Why cant life just be somewhat easy for once? Why cant things just go as planned?
I really thought that everything would be ok and that the transfer wouldnt be so hard. its so much harder then I expected. Then again my life has never been easy so why did I even think this would be easier then it is. I really should have expected all of this. Its not that im depressed or anything...although it kinda sounds like it. Im just in a really contemplative mood and thinking about everything that has happened in my life. Life really is kinda odd when you think about it....