Fic: Hallelujah, Act III/III

[bauble]

Hallelujah

Act III
Master post of all chapters and art here.

When Michael left his body, he apparently left Dean in a coma for

Comments

[gladdecease]

So, as this was (a) written by you, and (b) for apocabigbang, I was expecting heartbreak, and I definitely got that. Sam and Dean trying to deal with what they did and what was done to them was sad enough as it was, but I always feel worse for the brothers when they're doing things on their own. Knowing abstractly that Sam's mentor is probably right - that it's healthier, better for them to be apart - doesn't make it any less painful to watch them try to do it. That the story was from Dean's perspective, and he deals more poorly with separation than Sam (though not by much), made the hurt of it much more present.

There was a lot of hurt to feel in reading this, especially related to Dean losing his purpose. Whether it was saving people, hunting things, or stopping the apocalypse, he always used to have something. With the apocalypse done, and the huntable things gone or hiding, he's lost that. That he's losing the people that matter to him at the same time kind of breaks him even further (though he hasn't necessarily lost Castiel, it seems easier for him to expect the worst than to hope). Dean's mindless wandering feels as much spiritual as it is physical; every place he visits leaves him feeling no better for it, still empty and hurting.

I love seeing how the world deals with the apocalypse, that it's in the midwest, where the worst of it went down, where all the little towns are that got screwed over by all the fighting, where people take that destruction and turn it into faith. A kind of obsessive, seemingly destructive faith, admittedly, but one that sincerely gives them hope. I love that New York doesn't care, doesn't believe it. There's always a part of the world that's too separate from an event to understand or care, and in Supernatural it's the big cities that are distant from everything.

There are a dozen other little things I love about this fic - Agatha, Miles, Dean visiting Guernica and moving on to other pieces of art, the gently hopeful ending - but I think this review is incoherent enough as it is that it's best to end it here, with the general observation that when you break my heart, I still end up loving the story. And that rarely happens with me.

[bauble]

There was a lot of hurt to feel in reading this, especially related to Dean losing his purpose... Dean's mindless wandering feels as much spiritual as it is physical; every place he visits leaves him feeling no better for it, still empty and hurting.

Yes, precisely. In a way, Dean is going through a profound existential crisis throughout the story and questioning: if this is not who I am anymore (a hunter, Sam's brother, protector, vessel, etc) then who am I? If I'm nobody, then why am I still alive when so many other people aren't? Why me, and why should that (seemingly fundamental) injustice continue? Deanville & all its inhabitants are, in a way, a reflection of Dean's own survivor's guilt--but at least they've found something/someone to (mis)place their faith in. Dean, knowing that he's no god or angel, doesn't even have that.

There's always a part of the world that's too separate from an event to understand or care, and in Supernatural it's the big cities that are distant from everything.

Indeed. Distance (geographic, cultural, temporal) inevitably muffles the impact of events. And in fact, it works the opposite way as well: Dean visits the site of 9/11, a tragedy that rocked New York to its core, but that really doesn't mean anything to him on a personal level.

There are a dozen other little things I love about this fic - Agatha, Miles, Dean visiting Guernica and moving on to other pieces of art, the gently hopeful ending - but I think this review is incoherent enough as it is that it's best to end it here, with the general observation that when you break my heart, I still end up loving the story. And that rarely happens with me.

Thank you so much. You say your review was incoherent, but I thought it was lovely and completely coherent, so thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and observations with me. They were greatly appreciated :)

Also, I am so thrilled that you enjoyed my OC's! I know OC's aren't fandom's favorite things, but I love them--as the fact that this fic is chock a block full of them will attest to :)