..i was trying to catch your eye..
i feel weird right now. like i could cry...for some either undetermined reason..or some reason id rather not disclose....but not necessarily because im sad..or depressed. in all actuality, im not. im none of those things. and there it goes.....
ive found my theme song, though. "i want" by dayna manning. shes a canadian folky type singer. reminds me lots of jewel. the song is so simple and cute and endearing. and im so so happy i pulled out my Lilith cds. there are some really good tracks in the mix. im reestablishing my like for joan osborne as well. well. and i love this quote by the cardigans too. song's called "been it"..
"ive been your mother. ive been your father. you couldnt ask me for more. ive been your sister. ive been your mistress. maybe i was your whore. you couldnt ask me for more." heh. so so true. well. not exactly. but its funny anyways.
sometimes i feel like maybe the world is swallowing me up..my entire existence..i mean..thats the only real way someone would forget me right? because i know i make myself readily available. at the drop of a hat, even. id do anything...-shrug- and yet...i feel like im being let down...and it hasnt even happened yet. but it will. im sure of it. i mean...its always something, right? and who better to pawn off the excuse to. because i -always- understand. did you know that you could probably break all the windows to my car and fuck my best friend in it..hell, AND the boy at the same time...in front of me..and id probably fucking get over it. how stupid. how utterly stupid. i hate my compassion. i hate it. and i guess its not even necessarily compassion...no one else (talking the situation here) is 'suffering' (in relation to the compassion..-l- not really suffering, persay).. but me. im the one crying. what the hell am i crying for? god. my dad used to yell at me for these incidents. i feel like its all my fault. whatever -it- is. oh, well. heh. --maybe i was your whore.--
maybe im just being problematic. or maybe i just need to cry. -shrug- that happens, right? i havent felt so well all week. my stomachs in knots. maybe im nervous. argh. i have to go make a spinach dip. dont mind the crazy lady.
--update:
on a happier note...all of my students passed their tests. -s- yay.
i feel like a proud momma. -ggls- oh, well. i wish i had time to nap now.
ive found my theme song, though. "i want" by dayna manning. shes a canadian folky type singer. reminds me lots of jewel. the song is so simple and cute and endearing. and im so so happy i pulled out my Lilith cds. there are some really good tracks in the mix. im reestablishing my like for joan osborne as well. well. and i love this quote by the cardigans too. song's called "been it"..
"ive been your mother. ive been your father. you couldnt ask me for more. ive been your sister. ive been your mistress. maybe i was your whore. you couldnt ask me for more." heh. so so true. well. not exactly. but its funny anyways.
sometimes i feel like maybe the world is swallowing me up..my entire existence..i mean..thats the only real way someone would forget me right? because i know i make myself readily available. at the drop of a hat, even. id do anything...-shrug- and yet...i feel like im being let down...and it hasnt even happened yet. but it will. im sure of it. i mean...its always something, right? and who better to pawn off the excuse to. because i -always- understand. did you know that you could probably break all the windows to my car and fuck my best friend in it..hell, AND the boy at the same time...in front of me..and id probably fucking get over it. how stupid. how utterly stupid. i hate my compassion. i hate it. and i guess its not even necessarily compassion...no one else (talking the situation here) is 'suffering' (in relation to the compassion..-l- not really suffering, persay).. but me. im the one crying. what the hell am i crying for? god. my dad used to yell at me for these incidents. i feel like its all my fault. whatever -it- is. oh, well. heh. --maybe i was your whore.--
maybe im just being problematic. or maybe i just need to cry. -shrug- that happens, right? i havent felt so well all week. my stomachs in knots. maybe im nervous. argh. i have to go make a spinach dip. dont mind the crazy lady.
--update:
on a happier note...all of my students passed their tests. -s- yay.
i feel like a proud momma. -ggls- oh, well. i wish i had time to nap now.