..give me a reason to love you..
i want to cry..right now. something i read...something i read made me think...and now i want to cry. i feel like maybe ive let a very important part of myself go in the past year..a part of me thats always been so important. (not talkin' the obvious here..i dont regret that)..but for what? some attention? some fun? a pseudo-happiness...?
ugh. im so disappointed. i wasnt even supposed to be home tonight. -f- this would be null and void if things had panned out. oh, well....i did have a decent afternoon...i went shopping with pauline, monique, and gina...bought a new black angel bra from vicky's...itll go nice with my never-before-worn black lace tanga..-wiggles- and i bought a yellow cutesy panty and a red one too..from american eagle. and the checkout boy was cute. i needed 8 cents as to not break a dollar and be stuck with massive loads of change..so gina was gonna give it to me and the cute boy said he had a dime..hehe. soo...he was joking and said "but i get to keep the 2 cents"...i said "small price to pay to play with women's panties all day long"...he grinned so big...hehehe. we ate at applebees afterwards...definately not a huge fan of that. -sc- but it was alright..they have rollin' cheescake wraps..-pout- but we were all too full for dessert. then..me, being the hugest fucking tool in the world.....forgot my keys on my bed when i swapped purses...locked out of my house. -rme- hadda walk to granny's..(didnt realize i had a spare car key in the purse)..good thing shes on the same street...so yeah, walk to granny's and get the house key. gawd. can we say fuck stick? all together now...
so..im writing this story...i started it at the beginning of the week..its flowing nicely. very post-modern...im loving it. nothings flowed as well as this...possibly ever. and im finding myself falling in love with Benji...my main guy....hes sort of a montage of all the guys i adore. he works for the government. he wears birkinstocks. brown cords and black shirt kinda boy. he likes comic books. intelligent music. he watches the sopranos. -purrs- i wish he were real. hed never leave me at the airport....or have me practically make an appointment to talk to him..and he wouldnt live in another country. -chuckles-
i hate surfing. i surf. i cry. i think about all this stupid shit that had no bearings on my life two days ago..when i wasnt surfing. argh. fuckin' hell.
im scared..of something. of leaving? of being left again? of what? i dont know. but i feel myself closing off. backing away. and missing something huge.
note: this will mean nothing in 4 to 5 days. i think its my allergies. -l-
on a lighter note....years ago..peter and i made an agreement that when he turned 30..if we were both still single..wed get married. -chuckles- cuz well...we seem to have the same luck with the opposite sex...we have 3 years to go..ive met peter before..hes an adorable aussie boy..over 6 ft tall...blonde hair..blue eyes...he should be sean bateman..when i think sean bateman in the book "the rules of attraction"....peter's face should be there. -g- but i didnt mind james van der beek's in the movie. annnnyways, we were discussing it tonight..more jokingly than anything...but discussing it nonetheless...and it just always trips me out when he says im pretty..or sexy...or whatever. i dont know why. i guess i just dont expect him to think that. hell, i dont expect anyone to think that. but we were talking about where wed live..if it ever happened..haha. cuz he said louisiana's too hot..which..it IS. i suggested east coast...like providence...'tween boston and new yawk city. he kinda liked that idea. or japan. or melbourne...where hes from. haha..anywhere would be cool. i just hope the kids would be tall...cuz i hate being short. though, i always thought being short might be cool if i were blowing shaquill o'neil...-l- but yeah..how funny would that be..if it actually happened. not blowing shaq..lol. long shot. but wow. oh...wait..this is me not holding my breath. -lol- we're so silly.
i want to bake cookies..and send them off..with a note that says "hope you enjoy eating these instead!"..teehee.
i need to wash my car tomorrow. ill probably check up on ms anna again. IF i decide to be adventurous..(what a joke)..ill drive to harahan and go see 'jersey girl'...and maybe hit the Mushroom afterwards..maybe. i dunno. ra ra. i hate that fucking drive. shits me to no end that the local fucking palace doesnt have it. -rme- assholes.
-yawns- yeah. im over it. -laffin'- screw 4 days. i was just having a moment. i really shouldnt listen to "mad world" when im all hormonal. -sc- oi. but now...i go back to easter planning..-wiggles-
-kishies-
ugh. im so disappointed. i wasnt even supposed to be home tonight. -f- this would be null and void if things had panned out. oh, well....i did have a decent afternoon...i went shopping with pauline, monique, and gina...bought a new black angel bra from vicky's...itll go nice with my never-before-worn black lace tanga..-wiggles- and i bought a yellow cutesy panty and a red one too..from american eagle. and the checkout boy was cute. i needed 8 cents as to not break a dollar and be stuck with massive loads of change..so gina was gonna give it to me and the cute boy said he had a dime..hehe. soo...he was joking and said "but i get to keep the 2 cents"...i said "small price to pay to play with women's panties all day long"...he grinned so big...hehehe. we ate at applebees afterwards...definately not a huge fan of that. -sc- but it was alright..they have rollin' cheescake wraps..-pout- but we were all too full for dessert. then..me, being the hugest fucking tool in the world.....forgot my keys on my bed when i swapped purses...locked out of my house. -rme- hadda walk to granny's..(didnt realize i had a spare car key in the purse)..good thing shes on the same street...so yeah, walk to granny's and get the house key. gawd. can we say fuck stick? all together now...
so..im writing this story...i started it at the beginning of the week..its flowing nicely. very post-modern...im loving it. nothings flowed as well as this...possibly ever. and im finding myself falling in love with Benji...my main guy....hes sort of a montage of all the guys i adore. he works for the government. he wears birkinstocks. brown cords and black shirt kinda boy. he likes comic books. intelligent music. he watches the sopranos. -purrs- i wish he were real. hed never leave me at the airport....or have me practically make an appointment to talk to him..and he wouldnt live in another country. -chuckles-
i hate surfing. i surf. i cry. i think about all this stupid shit that had no bearings on my life two days ago..when i wasnt surfing. argh. fuckin' hell.
im scared..of something. of leaving? of being left again? of what? i dont know. but i feel myself closing off. backing away. and missing something huge.
note: this will mean nothing in 4 to 5 days. i think its my allergies. -l-
on a lighter note....years ago..peter and i made an agreement that when he turned 30..if we were both still single..wed get married. -chuckles- cuz well...we seem to have the same luck with the opposite sex...we have 3 years to go..ive met peter before..hes an adorable aussie boy..over 6 ft tall...blonde hair..blue eyes...he should be sean bateman..when i think sean bateman in the book "the rules of attraction"....peter's face should be there. -g- but i didnt mind james van der beek's in the movie. annnnyways, we were discussing it tonight..more jokingly than anything...but discussing it nonetheless...and it just always trips me out when he says im pretty..or sexy...or whatever. i dont know why. i guess i just dont expect him to think that. hell, i dont expect anyone to think that. but we were talking about where wed live..if it ever happened..haha. cuz he said louisiana's too hot..which..it IS. i suggested east coast...like providence...'tween boston and new yawk city. he kinda liked that idea. or japan. or melbourne...where hes from. haha..anywhere would be cool. i just hope the kids would be tall...cuz i hate being short. though, i always thought being short might be cool if i were blowing shaquill o'neil...-l- but yeah..how funny would that be..if it actually happened. not blowing shaq..lol. long shot. but wow. oh...wait..this is me not holding my breath. -lol- we're so silly.
i want to bake cookies..and send them off..with a note that says "hope you enjoy eating these instead!"..teehee.
i need to wash my car tomorrow. ill probably check up on ms anna again. IF i decide to be adventurous..(what a joke)..ill drive to harahan and go see 'jersey girl'...and maybe hit the Mushroom afterwards..maybe. i dunno. ra ra. i hate that fucking drive. shits me to no end that the local fucking palace doesnt have it. -rme- assholes.
-yawns- yeah. im over it. -laffin'- screw 4 days. i was just having a moment. i really shouldnt listen to "mad world" when im all hormonal. -sc- oi. but now...i go back to easter planning..-wiggles-
-kishies-