FIC: Full of Smoke - Chapter III
Title: Full of Smoke
Author: Batty_Gal a.k.a Tetra26
Rating: T+
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou
Pairing: Wolfram x Yuuri, barely.
Word Count: 5000+ for all three chapters.
Fic Type: 3 chapters
Genre: Tragedy; Angst; Drama; Character Death
Summary: Sometimes, the one who finds it hardest to forgive you is yourself. Tragedy; character deaths; angst. Wolfram-centric. Wolfram x Yuuri, if you squint - with bifocals on.
Full of Smoke
by Tetra26 a.k.a Batty Gal on LJ
Summary - Sometimes, the one who finds it hardest to forgive you is yourself. Tragedy; character deaths; angst.Wolfram-centric. Wolfram x Yuuri, if you squint - with bifocals on.
Chapter III of III
The two men stared at each other for quite some time. Neither of them could figure out a way to break their sixteen-year silence to one another.
Wolfram was terrified. Not of any physical violence that the man might do to him, but of the rejection that he expected to come. Even with Shinou hinting that the Maou had forgiven him for murdering his best friend, he was afraid that all of this was still a trick.
Yuuri was equally terrified. He had wanted, for so many years, to find Wolfram - to tell him that he had forgiven him. To ask forgiveness for his violent actions in return. But he had heard the whispers about Wolfram's mental state, and was afraid that going to him would make him worse off.
Wolfram decided to speak first. After all, he had nothing to lose - he had already lost everything. He still couldn't bring himself to believe that Shinou hadn't been the one tricking him, but he didn't think things could get any worse than they had been for the past sixteen years.
“Yuuri, I'm sorry. For everything,” he said. “I know what I did was unforgivable...”
“I forgave you years ago, Wolfram. Can you forgive me?”
Wolfram was more surprised at hearing Yuuri ask him for forgiveness than hearing that the other man had forgiven him. “Forgive you? Why would I need to forgive you? You did nothing wrong...”
“Wolfram, I almost killed you.”
“But you were right to...”
“No. I reacted the same way you did, without knowing the whole truth of the matter.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is, I probably wouldn't have done that had I known the reason behind what happened. I simply ran to the commotion, took in the scene, and reacted. I didn't know that you only did it because you thought Murata was raping her.”
Wolfram was shocked. He had always thought that the Maou had did that to him even knowing the reason why he had killed the Sage. “That doesn't change that I'm a murderer though,” he said, bitterly.
“It doesn't change that you killed him, but you aren't a murderer. If I had come across a scene like that and assumed my daughter was being raped, I would have probably done the same thing as you - regardless of who it was.”
Yuuri's words resonated throughout Wolfram's mind, and the sixteen-year wall of anguish he had built inside of him started to crumble.
“So once again, I ask. Do you forgive me?” Yuuri said, and smiled at him.
“Like I said, there's nothing to forgive - but yes, I...”
Suddenly, Wolfram screamed as sharp pains went through his head. His mind started to replay the events from that unfortunate day. The murder; the attack; the physical recovery; the first time he had a meltdown afterwards; the “treatment” for his mental problems; his first and only suicide attempt; “Shinou's” taunts; all of it came back to him.
Wolfram's vision of Yuuri faded out, and he collapsed to the floor.
“Did you really think it would be that easy?” Shinou's amused voice rang in Wolfram's ears.
Wolfram couldn't open his eyes, he couldn't move, he didn't even know where he was - he was simply in darkness.
“Did you? Answer me. Did you really think you could go back to Shin Makoku, and would be forgiven for your murderous act?”
Wolfram couldn't say anything. He simply listened to the familiar, taunting voice that had harassed him daily for sixteen years.
“Do you really think what just happened was real?”
Wolfram didn't know what to think. Had the entire thing been fake? Everything had seemed so very real, he found it hard to believe it wasn't. How could that have not been Greta's body in that casket? How could that have not been Conrart's arms that wrapped him into a hug? How could that have not been Yuuri in front of him, forgiving him?
“You really are delusional.”
Wolfram tried to move his mouth to speak, but nothing could come out.
“Those people hate you there.”
Those people? Why would Shinou refer to them as those people when he's one of them? And why was his voice starting to sound so strange?
“They don't want you back here,” Shinou's voice cracked, weirdly.
Here? But didn't he just say there? Wolfram was even more confused. Where was he? Back at the manor? In the shrine? In the castle? Or in the hospital again, perhaps?
“You don't belong here,” the voice said, sounding nothing like Shinou
Wolfram was beginning to understand what was going on.
“I don't belong here,” his voice said, only he wasn't the one who used it.
So Shinou had been telling the truth! This had never been his work - it had always been Wolfram's own doing. Always.
“They can't forgive me,” his voice said, sadly.
“They already have,” Wolfram said, finally managing to speak up. “I'm the only one who couldn't forgive me.”
Wolfram felt himself losing lucidity again, and whatever piece of him that had played such trickery on himself spoke up, one last time.
“Until now.”
“What did you do to him?” Walterona von Bielefeld demanded of the Maou. “Don't you understand how messed up he is? Hasn't he been through enough?”
“I didn't do anything to him! We were talking, and all of a sudden he screamed, held his head, and passed out!” the worried man said.
“What did you say to him?”
“I didn't say anything bad, I just asked him to forgive me.”
Walterona stopped dead in his pacing. “You what?”
“I asked him to forgive me,” Yuuri repeated.
“And that's all you said?”
“Yes, other than telling him I had already forgiven him when he apologized to me.”
Walterona closed his eyes and sighed. “I guess even that was too much for him. I knew I shouldn't have allowed him to come here.”
Yuuri looked over to where Wolfram lay, still unconscious. “Please tell me, what's wrong with him?”
Walterona opened his eyes and shot a look at the Maou. He wanted to say something insulting to him, he wanted to tell the other man that he was what was wrong with Wolfram.
But he couldn't bring himself to do it. The other man was looking at his nephew with such an intense sadness that his heart started to break for him. He sighed, and decided to give the Maou a truthful answer.
“Sometimes, he goes into this sort of state - where nothing, and no one, can reach him. He has never told anyone what happens when he's like that, but from his screaming and whimpering at times - I can tell it's due to what happened all those years ago.”
Walterona watched as Yuuri's face crumpled up, and saw the tears forming in the other man's eyes.
“I have never forgiven myself for that,” the man said, his voice lower than normal. “I almost killed him. I wanted to kill him.”
It was then that Walterona realized that he was no longer talking to the regular Maou. He was talking to the other form of him, even though his looks didn't change. He stepped backwards, nervous about what the other man might do.
“Did you know, I would have killed him if he hadn't begged me to die? Do you understand? I thought I would punish him worse by making him live, since he wanted to die.”
The tears that had formed in the Maou's eyes spilled. “You know, I had told him right before that event that I had a surprise for him. Did you know what it was?”
Walterona shook his head. He was simply stunned by hearing the other man's side of things, and was still worried.
The Maou walked over and sat in a chair beside the bed Wolfram lay in. He took one of his hands, and ran it through the other man's blond locks.
“I was going to finally confess to him that night. That I loved him,” the man said sadly. “Amazing how things never go the way you want them to.”
The shocked Walterona silently continued to look on as the Maou continued to look down at his nephew, the tears still streaming down his face.
For the first time in sixteen years, he began to regret shutting Wolfram off from everyone else.
Three days after he collapsed in the shrine, Wolfram was set to leave Blood Pledge Castle.
“Are you sure you're well enough to leave?” Gwendal asked in a worried voice.
“I'm better now, seriously,” Wolfram said.
“You can stay and rest here as long as you need to,” Conrart said.
“I'm good. Besides, Uncle needs to leave. I don't want to hold him up.”
“Wolfram, promise me... don't be a stranger this time,” Yuuri said.
Wolfram smiled warmly at the Maou. “I won't.”
“Wolfram, I'm ready!” his uncle called out from in front of the carriage.
“Well, this is goodbye. For now,” he said, and smiled at the other men.
He took his time to hug each man, and wished them well. He then bowed to them, and went to get into the carriage.
He waved goodbye, and continued to watch them until they were out of sight.
After about ten minutes of silence, his uncle spoke up.
“You know, you could have stayed,” his uncle grumbled.
Wolfram was slightly shocked at what he said.
“I mean, it seems to me that it was good for you. Besides, you could have reconciled even more with your brothers and the Maou.”
Wolfram was simply amazed that his uncle, who had notoriously stressed that he shouldn't have anything to do with Blood Pledge Castle again over the years, was saying this to him. He supposed it was his begrudging way of apologizing for having done so.
“I want to take things slow, Uncle,” he said, truthfully. “It's too soon for me to go back. I still need to come to terms with a few more things, and I think it would be good for all of us to get to know each other all over again. Especially since we're all different people now.”
His uncle grunted his agreement, and stared at Wolfram, his arms crossed.
Wolfram crossed his own arms, and looked at the other man intently. “Now about those letters that Greta sent that you didn't give to me...” he said, slyly.
He watched the other man's eyes widen in horror, and mentally egged himself on. It was going to be a long trip back to Bielefeld territories, and Wolfram intended to make his uncle squirm while trying to come up with excuses for his deception.
He may as well make someone else miserable besides himself, for once.
Author's notes: Whew, long one! I know it's sad in the beginning, and the ending isn't all that happy, but that's the way it came out. Poor Murata and Greta - cannon fodder for my plot. I promise to make it up to them soon.
Would you believe I came up with this plot while writing the lighthearted sequel to “1 Up”? WTF self? And, I ended up finishing this instead of finishing that because this wouldn't go away.
Anyhow, this was just me experimenting with a genre besides romance and sex (lol). I actually cried a few times while writing this (I killed Murata! How could I not cry?), and ended up not making it as tragic as I intended to. I guess I'm too much of a wimp after all, huh?
Oh yeah, that little song the children sang was just me making something up. It's probably nonsensical considering that whatever language they use, those particular words wouldn't rhyme with each other. Ye Olde Fail.
Author: Batty_Gal a.k.a Tetra26
Rating: T+
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou
Pairing: Wolfram x Yuuri, barely.
Word Count: 5000+ for all three chapters.
Fic Type: 3 chapters
Genre: Tragedy; Angst; Drama; Character Death
Summary: Sometimes, the one who finds it hardest to forgive you is yourself. Tragedy; character deaths; angst. Wolfram-centric. Wolfram x Yuuri, if you squint - with bifocals on.
Full of Smoke
by Tetra26 a.k.a Batty Gal on LJ
Summary - Sometimes, the one who finds it hardest to forgive you is yourself. Tragedy; character deaths; angst.Wolfram-centric. Wolfram x Yuuri, if you squint - with bifocals on.
Chapter III of III
The two men stared at each other for quite some time. Neither of them could figure out a way to break their sixteen-year silence to one another.
Wolfram was terrified. Not of any physical violence that the man might do to him, but of the rejection that he expected to come. Even with Shinou hinting that the Maou had forgiven him for murdering his best friend, he was afraid that all of this was still a trick.
Yuuri was equally terrified. He had wanted, for so many years, to find Wolfram - to tell him that he had forgiven him. To ask forgiveness for his violent actions in return. But he had heard the whispers about Wolfram's mental state, and was afraid that going to him would make him worse off.
Wolfram decided to speak first. After all, he had nothing to lose - he had already lost everything. He still couldn't bring himself to believe that Shinou hadn't been the one tricking him, but he didn't think things could get any worse than they had been for the past sixteen years.
“Yuuri, I'm sorry. For everything,” he said. “I know what I did was unforgivable...”
“I forgave you years ago, Wolfram. Can you forgive me?”
Wolfram was more surprised at hearing Yuuri ask him for forgiveness than hearing that the other man had forgiven him. “Forgive you? Why would I need to forgive you? You did nothing wrong...”
“Wolfram, I almost killed you.”
“But you were right to...”
“No. I reacted the same way you did, without knowing the whole truth of the matter.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is, I probably wouldn't have done that had I known the reason behind what happened. I simply ran to the commotion, took in the scene, and reacted. I didn't know that you only did it because you thought Murata was raping her.”
Wolfram was shocked. He had always thought that the Maou had did that to him even knowing the reason why he had killed the Sage. “That doesn't change that I'm a murderer though,” he said, bitterly.
“It doesn't change that you killed him, but you aren't a murderer. If I had come across a scene like that and assumed my daughter was being raped, I would have probably done the same thing as you - regardless of who it was.”
Yuuri's words resonated throughout Wolfram's mind, and the sixteen-year wall of anguish he had built inside of him started to crumble.
“So once again, I ask. Do you forgive me?” Yuuri said, and smiled at him.
“Like I said, there's nothing to forgive - but yes, I...”
Suddenly, Wolfram screamed as sharp pains went through his head. His mind started to replay the events from that unfortunate day. The murder; the attack; the physical recovery; the first time he had a meltdown afterwards; the “treatment” for his mental problems; his first and only suicide attempt; “Shinou's” taunts; all of it came back to him.
Wolfram's vision of Yuuri faded out, and he collapsed to the floor.
“Did you really think it would be that easy?” Shinou's amused voice rang in Wolfram's ears.
Wolfram couldn't open his eyes, he couldn't move, he didn't even know where he was - he was simply in darkness.
“Did you? Answer me. Did you really think you could go back to Shin Makoku, and would be forgiven for your murderous act?”
Wolfram couldn't say anything. He simply listened to the familiar, taunting voice that had harassed him daily for sixteen years.
“Do you really think what just happened was real?”
Wolfram didn't know what to think. Had the entire thing been fake? Everything had seemed so very real, he found it hard to believe it wasn't. How could that have not been Greta's body in that casket? How could that have not been Conrart's arms that wrapped him into a hug? How could that have not been Yuuri in front of him, forgiving him?
“You really are delusional.”
Wolfram tried to move his mouth to speak, but nothing could come out.
“Those people hate you there.”
Those people? Why would Shinou refer to them as those people when he's one of them? And why was his voice starting to sound so strange?
“They don't want you back here,” Shinou's voice cracked, weirdly.
Here? But didn't he just say there? Wolfram was even more confused. Where was he? Back at the manor? In the shrine? In the castle? Or in the hospital again, perhaps?
“You don't belong here,” the voice said, sounding nothing like Shinou
Wolfram was beginning to understand what was going on.
“I don't belong here,” his voice said, only he wasn't the one who used it.
So Shinou had been telling the truth! This had never been his work - it had always been Wolfram's own doing. Always.
“They can't forgive me,” his voice said, sadly.
“They already have,” Wolfram said, finally managing to speak up. “I'm the only one who couldn't forgive me.”
Wolfram felt himself losing lucidity again, and whatever piece of him that had played such trickery on himself spoke up, one last time.
“Until now.”
“What did you do to him?” Walterona von Bielefeld demanded of the Maou. “Don't you understand how messed up he is? Hasn't he been through enough?”
“I didn't do anything to him! We were talking, and all of a sudden he screamed, held his head, and passed out!” the worried man said.
“What did you say to him?”
“I didn't say anything bad, I just asked him to forgive me.”
Walterona stopped dead in his pacing. “You what?”
“I asked him to forgive me,” Yuuri repeated.
“And that's all you said?”
“Yes, other than telling him I had already forgiven him when he apologized to me.”
Walterona closed his eyes and sighed. “I guess even that was too much for him. I knew I shouldn't have allowed him to come here.”
Yuuri looked over to where Wolfram lay, still unconscious. “Please tell me, what's wrong with him?”
Walterona opened his eyes and shot a look at the Maou. He wanted to say something insulting to him, he wanted to tell the other man that he was what was wrong with Wolfram.
But he couldn't bring himself to do it. The other man was looking at his nephew with such an intense sadness that his heart started to break for him. He sighed, and decided to give the Maou a truthful answer.
“Sometimes, he goes into this sort of state - where nothing, and no one, can reach him. He has never told anyone what happens when he's like that, but from his screaming and whimpering at times - I can tell it's due to what happened all those years ago.”
Walterona watched as Yuuri's face crumpled up, and saw the tears forming in the other man's eyes.
“I have never forgiven myself for that,” the man said, his voice lower than normal. “I almost killed him. I wanted to kill him.”
It was then that Walterona realized that he was no longer talking to the regular Maou. He was talking to the other form of him, even though his looks didn't change. He stepped backwards, nervous about what the other man might do.
“Did you know, I would have killed him if he hadn't begged me to die? Do you understand? I thought I would punish him worse by making him live, since he wanted to die.”
The tears that had formed in the Maou's eyes spilled. “You know, I had told him right before that event that I had a surprise for him. Did you know what it was?”
Walterona shook his head. He was simply stunned by hearing the other man's side of things, and was still worried.
The Maou walked over and sat in a chair beside the bed Wolfram lay in. He took one of his hands, and ran it through the other man's blond locks.
“I was going to finally confess to him that night. That I loved him,” the man said sadly. “Amazing how things never go the way you want them to.”
The shocked Walterona silently continued to look on as the Maou continued to look down at his nephew, the tears still streaming down his face.
For the first time in sixteen years, he began to regret shutting Wolfram off from everyone else.
Three days after he collapsed in the shrine, Wolfram was set to leave Blood Pledge Castle.
“Are you sure you're well enough to leave?” Gwendal asked in a worried voice.
“I'm better now, seriously,” Wolfram said.
“You can stay and rest here as long as you need to,” Conrart said.
“I'm good. Besides, Uncle needs to leave. I don't want to hold him up.”
“Wolfram, promise me... don't be a stranger this time,” Yuuri said.
Wolfram smiled warmly at the Maou. “I won't.”
“Wolfram, I'm ready!” his uncle called out from in front of the carriage.
“Well, this is goodbye. For now,” he said, and smiled at the other men.
He took his time to hug each man, and wished them well. He then bowed to them, and went to get into the carriage.
He waved goodbye, and continued to watch them until they were out of sight.
After about ten minutes of silence, his uncle spoke up.
“You know, you could have stayed,” his uncle grumbled.
Wolfram was slightly shocked at what he said.
“I mean, it seems to me that it was good for you. Besides, you could have reconciled even more with your brothers and the Maou.”
Wolfram was simply amazed that his uncle, who had notoriously stressed that he shouldn't have anything to do with Blood Pledge Castle again over the years, was saying this to him. He supposed it was his begrudging way of apologizing for having done so.
“I want to take things slow, Uncle,” he said, truthfully. “It's too soon for me to go back. I still need to come to terms with a few more things, and I think it would be good for all of us to get to know each other all over again. Especially since we're all different people now.”
His uncle grunted his agreement, and stared at Wolfram, his arms crossed.
Wolfram crossed his own arms, and looked at the other man intently. “Now about those letters that Greta sent that you didn't give to me...” he said, slyly.
He watched the other man's eyes widen in horror, and mentally egged himself on. It was going to be a long trip back to Bielefeld territories, and Wolfram intended to make his uncle squirm while trying to come up with excuses for his deception.
He may as well make someone else miserable besides himself, for once.
Author's notes: Whew, long one! I know it's sad in the beginning, and the ending isn't all that happy, but that's the way it came out. Poor Murata and Greta - cannon fodder for my plot. I promise to make it up to them soon.
Would you believe I came up with this plot while writing the lighthearted sequel to “1 Up”? WTF self? And, I ended up finishing this instead of finishing that because this wouldn't go away.
Anyhow, this was just me experimenting with a genre besides romance and sex (lol). I actually cried a few times while writing this (I killed Murata! How could I not cry?), and ended up not making it as tragic as I intended to. I guess I'm too much of a wimp after all, huh?
Oh yeah, that little song the children sang was just me making something up. It's probably nonsensical considering that whatever language they use, those particular words wouldn't rhyme with each other. Ye Olde Fail.