(no subject)
it must be confront allie about her eating week or something.... let's see saturday I went to visit sonja with joe and they both started hounding me about my eating and weather or not i'm throwing up and all that jazz. then I dropped joe off and went to marcus's and he started asking me about it. yesterday me and kyle did busy work around the house and I managed not to over eat just sitting at home [I actually managed to just not eat for once] and then kyle threw it in my face by the end up the night about how he knows all about it and how often am I perging and why if I'm a binge/perger am I not eating then and I essentially had to explain my ed to him in retard terms cuz he wanted to understand literally everything. so then brittney called me saying something about how she was stranded so i went and picked he up and she started in on me about it too. we went back to my house and watched a movie with kyle which was horrible. since i had just basically admitted to both of them I'm in the middle of a pretty bad relaps i couldn't really resist the food they kept hoving in my face. so i ate 3 pieces of salami, a bowl of popcorn [yes with butter it killed me but i kinda had to] and a few apple slices. for the entire movie i just wanted to slip away and throw it all back up but everytime i stood up kyle or brittney would fallow. finally i lied and said i was going to go make some tea and ended up perging into the kitchen sink. now i'm nervous cuz mom brought home teriaki for me and kyle and he'll be here any minet and I don't want to eat it, i;m not even hungry but now I have to. It's not that I don't appreciate people worrying, I'm very thankful for everyone's concerns I just feel like for one everyone's been talking about me behind my back together, for two I feel completely trapped. I understand everyone's just doing whats best but i swear to god if I get offered another protine shake or plate of food I'm going to just throw it in there face. If it was honestly as easy as just eating and then not throwing up then believe me I would have stopped by now. I feel like I'm being constantly watched by everyone which is only making me less likely to both eat and digest food. its hard cuz I know the next thing is either people stop putting up with me, start talking to my parents or start pushing me towards treatmnt... all bad things in my mind.