(no subject)
i'm alive
i'll dump some end-of-year thoughts (since i forgot to last year), i guess
thankfully there isn't much to say because 2024 was a lot like 2023 for me in that it was fairly uneventful (last year i was locked in my apartment for a weekend without internet, had some bank fraud and a sparse amount of other inconveniences) outside of some troubles here and there (more bank fraud this year, lost a guesstimated couple hundred dollars from it because of late fees/failed online payments)
did that make sense, hopefully it makes sense since i can't be assed to be articulate online anymore
anyway i picked up a cannabis vice back in 2023 since it was legalized locally and i've been continuing doing that this year too, with mixed results on trying to make it less of a daily/constant habit since the expenses add up and smoking in general obviously isn't great on my lungs
this summer my paranoia with it started to get really bad, i question my mortality all the time and dread continuing to age/watching my body break down/live in a mild ongoing fear of what death will feel like and if i'm going to hell when i die, etc. etc. etc.
i've somewhat overcome this and because of it i don't really have suicidal tendencies or an idealization of it anymore because not only do i want to live, i want to live for a very very long time
despite this i'm no health nut, i still eat like garbage, i'm still fat, i'm the same as i've ever been
and other than this it's just
working part-time still (same place as ever), and still struggling to get over my ex girlfriend
2023's theme was supposed to be about moving on from her permanently, but she contacted me at the end of april just to insult me for a week on twitter
she said very nasty things to me and it's fucked me up ever since
i made good progress recently in realizing my yearning for her was fucking stupid but it's still going to take more time and work to drop my fixations for her and our failed relationship altogether
so that's the 2025 goal
but i am here, i am alive, i do the same shit as ever
i wonder what i'll do next year
i wonder who's even reading this
anyway this wasn't very interesting
be safe out there
bye
i'll dump some end-of-year thoughts (since i forgot to last year), i guess
thankfully there isn't much to say because 2024 was a lot like 2023 for me in that it was fairly uneventful (last year i was locked in my apartment for a weekend without internet, had some bank fraud and a sparse amount of other inconveniences) outside of some troubles here and there (more bank fraud this year, lost a guesstimated couple hundred dollars from it because of late fees/failed online payments)
did that make sense, hopefully it makes sense since i can't be assed to be articulate online anymore
anyway i picked up a cannabis vice back in 2023 since it was legalized locally and i've been continuing doing that this year too, with mixed results on trying to make it less of a daily/constant habit since the expenses add up and smoking in general obviously isn't great on my lungs
this summer my paranoia with it started to get really bad, i question my mortality all the time and dread continuing to age/watching my body break down/live in a mild ongoing fear of what death will feel like and if i'm going to hell when i die, etc. etc. etc.
i've somewhat overcome this and because of it i don't really have suicidal tendencies or an idealization of it anymore because not only do i want to live, i want to live for a very very long time
despite this i'm no health nut, i still eat like garbage, i'm still fat, i'm the same as i've ever been
and other than this it's just
working part-time still (same place as ever), and still struggling to get over my ex girlfriend
2023's theme was supposed to be about moving on from her permanently, but she contacted me at the end of april just to insult me for a week on twitter
she said very nasty things to me and it's fucked me up ever since
i made good progress recently in realizing my yearning for her was fucking stupid but it's still going to take more time and work to drop my fixations for her and our failed relationship altogether
so that's the 2025 goal
but i am here, i am alive, i do the same shit as ever
i wonder what i'll do next year
i wonder who's even reading this
anyway this wasn't very interesting
be safe out there
bye