Not just me
I went to my doctor today and he confirmed what I've felt for quite a while. I'm over-weight. We discussed what might have caused it and I told him about my calories out (ie exercise) vs calories in (ie food). And this is what we discovered. I go to the gym 3-5 times a week. I mix it up with cardio and weights. However, I eat. And I eat. And I eat. I eat as much as Lee at dinner. Then we have bullets. Sometimes wine. Often milk and cookies. Okay, it's usually skim milk and Weight Watchers cookies, but we do usually eat the whole packet between us. Luckily I do exercise a lot or I'd be a lot bigger than I am.
What we really discussed was the fact that I'm depressed and binge-eating. Which makes me depressed. We have to break that cycle. We talked about options and strategies and set goals. He wants me to lose 4kg in the month. He will see me then and we will discuss how I went.
What really shocked me was how I took the news. The surgery is right next to Lee's work so I went and saw him straight after. He asked how it went but I was too embarrassed to tell him. I waited about ten minutes then phoned him and told him. This is ridiculous. Lee and I have discussed my weight before. We've discussed my eating habits before. Lee doesn't care about my weight, but he's loving enough to listen to me go on about it for hours. I knew he wouldn't censure me or tell me what I should/shouldn't do. But still, I was ashamed to tell him that the doctor had now medically diagnosed me as overweight.
Of course it seems silly now and I'm more embarrassed about my initial shame.
What really helped was talking to someone who listened to me talk about my depression and how frustrated I feel over my growing size. We talked about my desperation and the issues that go with my size. Sure my breats are FABULOUS but my back and shoulders are killing me. I want to be the me I was when Lee and I met. I want to be happy, healthy and not needing icepacks at the end of my day.
Yes, I'm still embarrassed, but at least I'm now using it to get my life back under control.