APPLICATION FOR paradisa.
NAME: ct / catie
JOURNAL: peanuts
EMAIL: cartoon.cutouts[at]gmail[dot]com
AIM: aim; hammerkind
WIKI NAME: n/a
CHARACTERS: n/a
CHARACTER NAME: kaname madoka
FANDOM: mahou shoujo madoka magica
CANON: episode 9
WHAT THEY LOST: madoka will forget the conversation she has with kyubey in episode 9-where he tells her the real plan for all the magical girls and the “greater good” that is being serviced by their becoming witches in the end. without this bit of memory, she will not regard becoming a magical girl or the whole operation as an extremely bad thing-nor will she no longer trust kyubey (for the most part). if this bit of information is brought up to her at any point, she will be unable to understand it and become frustrated if its truth is insisted upon.
ABOUT THE CHARACTER: "I… don’t have any subjects I’m strong in, nor do I have any abilities I’m proud of. I’ve always hated myself for spending every single day unable to be of any use to anyone else. But when I saw Mami-san fighting for the sake of others, and when I realized that I could do the same thing, it made me happier than anything… that’s why, when I become a magical girl, my wish will have already been granted. Even someone like me can become useful to someone else…"
Madoka is the epitome of compassion, which also makes her a bit naïve and reckless at times. Life, to her, is about being there for the people that she cares for the most. Since she believes that she has no special talents or gifts of her own, everything she does is in response to the actions of another person. If a friend is in trouble, she will try to do her best to either help him or her out, or-if she is unable to do anything directly-she will put herself by that person’s side as a foundation of support. (highlight for spoilers) When Sayaka, one of her best friends, was still alive, after she (Sayaka) had been transformed into a magical girl, Madoka tried to follow the girl every chance that she could get. As long as she was with Sayaka, she felt that-if the time came that her friend needed her help-she could easily make a contract with Kyubey in order to save the girl. However, (highlight for spoilers) being close to Sayaka didn’t help the girl as she slowly became more and more depressed about her situation, and when she turned into a witch, even the sound of Madoka’s voice calling out to her friend didn’t save her from her fate.
Though a bit different from her friendship with Sayaka, Madoka does have a semi-close relationship with Homura Akemi. She feels as if she knows the girl from before she met her in school, and thus, she feels close to her. After finding out that Homura is on the side of the magical girls, Madoka treats the girl as a confidante-going to her when she needs to talk about the troubles in her life surrounding the supernatural happenings that she now finds herself indirectly a part of. She even goes to Homura to talk about Sayaka, and asks the girl to look after her friend just as she was looking after her. (highlight for spoilers) When Homura later comes to Madoka and emotionally confronts her, Madoka is shocked and leaves before the black-haired girl can explain the feeling of déjà vu that Madoka has about their knowing each other, obviously not able to deal with the sudden breaking down of a person who always seemed so strong.
When Madoka feels as if she can’t help her friends, or that they are drifting away from her, she becomes visibly upset-an example of this being when she reveals how sad she is about Sayaka’s strife (without giving details) to her mother, or the many times she cries or becomes despondent in response to her inability to help out in times of danger (another example being after (highlight for spoilers) Sayaka turns into a witch, where she is seen sitting on her bed with a morose look on her face as she listens to Kyubey explain the true purpose of magical girls. After becoming emotional, she tends to blame herself for any problems that have arisen-justifying her negative feelings by saying that she’s weak, which is what she believes is what causes things to go wrong.
After Mami’s death, Madoka believes that the unfortunate happening was her fault, thinking that-if she had just made the contract with Kyubey-she would have been able to change her role model’s fate. Because of how much she idolized Mami, losing her friend caused Madoka to grieve for an extended period of time¬-the subject of the girl’s death is still brought up, even in the current episodes. Whenever Madoka slides into one of her moments of extreme self-blame and self-hate, she usually thinks about how¬-if she had just been strong¬-her friend would still be alive. Despite Homura telling her otherwise, Madoka is unable to let go of this mindset, and will probably always think of herself as weak until she finds herself in possession of magical girl power.
On an average day, however, Madoka can be seen smiling and enjoying her time with friends. She is outwardly friendly to almost all people, the only exceptions being “bad guys” and people who act cold and unapproachable (though, in time, she tends warm up to these people as well). She can also be a bit of a ditz-or act like it, at least-which is a byproduct of her naivety.
Said naivety tends to get her into trouble, most of the time. Without asking for details, Madoka will jump for any chance to do what she believes will lead to a positive outcome. Thus, it would be easy for her to fall for scams and get wrapped up in dangerous situations due to trusting the wrong kind of people. This can be seen throughout the anime when-if someone is in trouble-she tries to make the contract with Kyubey, even doing so before she found out the consequences of becoming a magical girl.
A hidden part of Madoka that even she isn’t aware of is that she has strength. Though she’s been told that she’d become an extremely powerful magical girl if she made the contract, she doesn’t necessarily know what to think about that kind of information. The fact is that, (highlight for spoilers) in other timelines, Madoka has been a magical girl-and in said timelines, she’s faced witches and familiars with a courageous smile on her face and an air of confidence around her. If in the right situation, this inner strength could shine through-
-but until then, she is just normal, air-headed Madoka.
☓ Abilities: being good moral support… but none, really, because she hasn’t become a magical girl.
☓ Weaknesses: ❥ madoka has very little self-confidence.
❥ she has no supernatural abilities.
❥ because of her insistence to be where the action is, she is liable to get in the way.
❥ she can be easily manipulated because of her naivety.
❥ she can be a bit outwardly emotional in certain situations.
☓ Strengths:❥ madoka will do anything within her power for her friends.
❥ she is a good source of support for those taking on hard tasks.
❥ she is extremely friendly and compassionate to almost everybody, and she even warms up to people with abrasive personalities.
❥ if she did have the abilities of a magical girl, she’d be extremely powerful.
THIRD-PERSON WRITING SAMPLE: Though not necessarily uninviting, the large lobby that Madoka found herself in upon waking up scared her more than many of her worst nightmares. The unfamiliar ground beneath her cheek had been cold, and it had been the chills, more so than the noise of various people walking around, that had awoken her.
Now she stood unsurely off to the side-close to the wall, but not hugging it. She was afraid and curious and a bit dazed-the thought that she might just be in a very vivid dream crossing her mind more times than once as she attempted-and failed-at getting help from random individuals. But after pinching her left arm till the area above her elbow became red and tender, she finally decided that no-she was not dreaming.
She was lost… kidnapped maybe?
Her heart sank.
She would never see her family again… or her friends. Homura… Hitomi… Sayaka…
Sayaka.
Suddenly, Madoka remembered what had happened to her just before waking up. She remembered facing the witch version of her friend-calling out to her desperately-watching Kyoko try to keep the assault at bay. Her chest felt tight as she remembered how helpless she was in the moment that the witch had picked her up-squeezed her till the room went black and she suddenly found herself in this new situation.
Her eyes burned, and she finally moved back against the wall behind her-no longer caring about getting help, as she had the moment she had woken up. Now all the insecure feelings she had had about herself regarding her powerlessness and how she had no talents at all were crashing down on her harder than ever. If she had only taken up Kyubey’s offer… if she had been strong like Mami… she could have prevented Sayaka from turning into a monster.
Maybe she could have even prevented herself from appearing in this unfamiliar place.
“What do I do…? Mom…” Madoka’s voice came out softly-trembling under her breath as she wiped at the tears that began to appear in the corners of her eyes. She wasn’t strong enough for this. She wasn’t brave like Homura or Kyoko-she didn’t have powers and she couldn’t fend for herself like those two girls could. Sayaka had been strong, too… Sayaka, to whom she owed her life.
Who she hadn’t been strong enough to protect.
What would she do now that she didn’t have anybody around to take care of her? Sure, she would no longer be a burden to her friends… but she didn’t have any exceptional skills. If this new place required talents to make ends meet, then she wouldn’t last more than a few days!
Sniffing quietly and pressing her sleeve daintily to her nose, Madoka once again focused her attention on her surroundings-her eyes following a group of people who seemed to know what they were doing. Though she didn’t think she had anything about her that would draw people in or help her out in the long run, she knew that standing around and feeling sorry for herself would only make the situation worse.
What would Sayaka have done? She wouldn’t have cried… she would have walked around and demanded people to tell her what was going on!
“U-Um…” Madoka made a move toward the group-her actions hesitant as she second-guessed herself. But then she shook her head, put on a confident face, and lightly jogged over to the retreating backs of the people she hoped would be able to give her information about what was going.
“Excuse me! Um… could-could you help me, please?”
Well… at least it was a start. Maybe she would be able to find a way to make herself worth something here… she would just had to be strong like her friends.
She would do it for Sayaka.
FIRST-PERSON WRITING SAMPLE: Um… [ madoka blinks around the lobby-both hands being held protectively to her chest as she analyzes the unfamiliar surroundings with confused and slightly troubled eyes. she looks uneasy, and her few steps forward and to the side when various people pass by show this-as if she’s not sure whether or not to ask for help.
she’s lost, though she still isn’t sure if this is all a dream or not. ]
E-Excuse me! Oh-I… hmm… [ her attempt to get someone’s attention fails, and-feeling embarrassed-she drops her head sheepishly and regards her shoes briefly as her face heats up-telling her that she’s blushing.
she rocks nervously on her feet and then dares to glance up at the entirety of the room again, hoping to see someone else she can try to question. ]
…what do I do…?
[ and she sighs defeatedly. ]
INTENT: I haven’t played a female character in a very long time (2 years!), and I really do miss having one of them as an active muse. Also, I think Madoka could really flourish in this “bittersweet” environment-being faced with the gifts and drawbacks of the world will play with her emotions and keep her involved enough that I think she could become well-grounded here which would keep me active.
JOURNAL: peanuts
EMAIL: cartoon.cutouts[at]gmail[dot]com
AIM: aim; hammerkind
WIKI NAME: n/a
CHARACTERS: n/a
CHARACTER NAME: kaname madoka
FANDOM: mahou shoujo madoka magica
CANON: episode 9
WHAT THEY LOST: madoka will forget the conversation she has with kyubey in episode 9-where he tells her the real plan for all the magical girls and the “greater good” that is being serviced by their becoming witches in the end. without this bit of memory, she will not regard becoming a magical girl or the whole operation as an extremely bad thing-nor will she no longer trust kyubey (for the most part). if this bit of information is brought up to her at any point, she will be unable to understand it and become frustrated if its truth is insisted upon.
ABOUT THE CHARACTER: "I… don’t have any subjects I’m strong in, nor do I have any abilities I’m proud of. I’ve always hated myself for spending every single day unable to be of any use to anyone else. But when I saw Mami-san fighting for the sake of others, and when I realized that I could do the same thing, it made me happier than anything… that’s why, when I become a magical girl, my wish will have already been granted. Even someone like me can become useful to someone else…"
Madoka is the epitome of compassion, which also makes her a bit naïve and reckless at times. Life, to her, is about being there for the people that she cares for the most. Since she believes that she has no special talents or gifts of her own, everything she does is in response to the actions of another person. If a friend is in trouble, she will try to do her best to either help him or her out, or-if she is unable to do anything directly-she will put herself by that person’s side as a foundation of support. (highlight for spoilers) When Sayaka, one of her best friends, was still alive, after she (Sayaka) had been transformed into a magical girl, Madoka tried to follow the girl every chance that she could get. As long as she was with Sayaka, she felt that-if the time came that her friend needed her help-she could easily make a contract with Kyubey in order to save the girl. However, (highlight for spoilers) being close to Sayaka didn’t help the girl as she slowly became more and more depressed about her situation, and when she turned into a witch, even the sound of Madoka’s voice calling out to her friend didn’t save her from her fate.
Though a bit different from her friendship with Sayaka, Madoka does have a semi-close relationship with Homura Akemi. She feels as if she knows the girl from before she met her in school, and thus, she feels close to her. After finding out that Homura is on the side of the magical girls, Madoka treats the girl as a confidante-going to her when she needs to talk about the troubles in her life surrounding the supernatural happenings that she now finds herself indirectly a part of. She even goes to Homura to talk about Sayaka, and asks the girl to look after her friend just as she was looking after her. (highlight for spoilers) When Homura later comes to Madoka and emotionally confronts her, Madoka is shocked and leaves before the black-haired girl can explain the feeling of déjà vu that Madoka has about their knowing each other, obviously not able to deal with the sudden breaking down of a person who always seemed so strong.
When Madoka feels as if she can’t help her friends, or that they are drifting away from her, she becomes visibly upset-an example of this being when she reveals how sad she is about Sayaka’s strife (without giving details) to her mother, or the many times she cries or becomes despondent in response to her inability to help out in times of danger (another example being after (highlight for spoilers) Sayaka turns into a witch, where she is seen sitting on her bed with a morose look on her face as she listens to Kyubey explain the true purpose of magical girls. After becoming emotional, she tends to blame herself for any problems that have arisen-justifying her negative feelings by saying that she’s weak, which is what she believes is what causes things to go wrong.
After Mami’s death, Madoka believes that the unfortunate happening was her fault, thinking that-if she had just made the contract with Kyubey-she would have been able to change her role model’s fate. Because of how much she idolized Mami, losing her friend caused Madoka to grieve for an extended period of time¬-the subject of the girl’s death is still brought up, even in the current episodes. Whenever Madoka slides into one of her moments of extreme self-blame and self-hate, she usually thinks about how¬-if she had just been strong¬-her friend would still be alive. Despite Homura telling her otherwise, Madoka is unable to let go of this mindset, and will probably always think of herself as weak until she finds herself in possession of magical girl power.
On an average day, however, Madoka can be seen smiling and enjoying her time with friends. She is outwardly friendly to almost all people, the only exceptions being “bad guys” and people who act cold and unapproachable (though, in time, she tends warm up to these people as well). She can also be a bit of a ditz-or act like it, at least-which is a byproduct of her naivety.
Said naivety tends to get her into trouble, most of the time. Without asking for details, Madoka will jump for any chance to do what she believes will lead to a positive outcome. Thus, it would be easy for her to fall for scams and get wrapped up in dangerous situations due to trusting the wrong kind of people. This can be seen throughout the anime when-if someone is in trouble-she tries to make the contract with Kyubey, even doing so before she found out the consequences of becoming a magical girl.
A hidden part of Madoka that even she isn’t aware of is that she has strength. Though she’s been told that she’d become an extremely powerful magical girl if she made the contract, she doesn’t necessarily know what to think about that kind of information. The fact is that, (highlight for spoilers) in other timelines, Madoka has been a magical girl-and in said timelines, she’s faced witches and familiars with a courageous smile on her face and an air of confidence around her. If in the right situation, this inner strength could shine through-
-but until then, she is just normal, air-headed Madoka.
☓ Abilities: being good moral support… but none, really, because she hasn’t become a magical girl.
☓ Weaknesses: ❥ madoka has very little self-confidence.
❥ she has no supernatural abilities.
❥ because of her insistence to be where the action is, she is liable to get in the way.
❥ she can be easily manipulated because of her naivety.
❥ she can be a bit outwardly emotional in certain situations.
☓ Strengths:❥ madoka will do anything within her power for her friends.
❥ she is a good source of support for those taking on hard tasks.
❥ she is extremely friendly and compassionate to almost everybody, and she even warms up to people with abrasive personalities.
❥ if she did have the abilities of a magical girl, she’d be extremely powerful.
THIRD-PERSON WRITING SAMPLE: Though not necessarily uninviting, the large lobby that Madoka found herself in upon waking up scared her more than many of her worst nightmares. The unfamiliar ground beneath her cheek had been cold, and it had been the chills, more so than the noise of various people walking around, that had awoken her.
Now she stood unsurely off to the side-close to the wall, but not hugging it. She was afraid and curious and a bit dazed-the thought that she might just be in a very vivid dream crossing her mind more times than once as she attempted-and failed-at getting help from random individuals. But after pinching her left arm till the area above her elbow became red and tender, she finally decided that no-she was not dreaming.
She was lost… kidnapped maybe?
Her heart sank.
She would never see her family again… or her friends. Homura… Hitomi… Sayaka…
Sayaka.
Suddenly, Madoka remembered what had happened to her just before waking up. She remembered facing the witch version of her friend-calling out to her desperately-watching Kyoko try to keep the assault at bay. Her chest felt tight as she remembered how helpless she was in the moment that the witch had picked her up-squeezed her till the room went black and she suddenly found herself in this new situation.
Her eyes burned, and she finally moved back against the wall behind her-no longer caring about getting help, as she had the moment she had woken up. Now all the insecure feelings she had had about herself regarding her powerlessness and how she had no talents at all were crashing down on her harder than ever. If she had only taken up Kyubey’s offer… if she had been strong like Mami… she could have prevented Sayaka from turning into a monster.
Maybe she could have even prevented herself from appearing in this unfamiliar place.
“What do I do…? Mom…” Madoka’s voice came out softly-trembling under her breath as she wiped at the tears that began to appear in the corners of her eyes. She wasn’t strong enough for this. She wasn’t brave like Homura or Kyoko-she didn’t have powers and she couldn’t fend for herself like those two girls could. Sayaka had been strong, too… Sayaka, to whom she owed her life.
Who she hadn’t been strong enough to protect.
What would she do now that she didn’t have anybody around to take care of her? Sure, she would no longer be a burden to her friends… but she didn’t have any exceptional skills. If this new place required talents to make ends meet, then she wouldn’t last more than a few days!
Sniffing quietly and pressing her sleeve daintily to her nose, Madoka once again focused her attention on her surroundings-her eyes following a group of people who seemed to know what they were doing. Though she didn’t think she had anything about her that would draw people in or help her out in the long run, she knew that standing around and feeling sorry for herself would only make the situation worse.
What would Sayaka have done? She wouldn’t have cried… she would have walked around and demanded people to tell her what was going on!
“U-Um…” Madoka made a move toward the group-her actions hesitant as she second-guessed herself. But then she shook her head, put on a confident face, and lightly jogged over to the retreating backs of the people she hoped would be able to give her information about what was going.
“Excuse me! Um… could-could you help me, please?”
Well… at least it was a start. Maybe she would be able to find a way to make herself worth something here… she would just had to be strong like her friends.
She would do it for Sayaka.
FIRST-PERSON WRITING SAMPLE: Um… [ madoka blinks around the lobby-both hands being held protectively to her chest as she analyzes the unfamiliar surroundings with confused and slightly troubled eyes. she looks uneasy, and her few steps forward and to the side when various people pass by show this-as if she’s not sure whether or not to ask for help.
she’s lost, though she still isn’t sure if this is all a dream or not. ]
E-Excuse me! Oh-I… hmm… [ her attempt to get someone’s attention fails, and-feeling embarrassed-she drops her head sheepishly and regards her shoes briefly as her face heats up-telling her that she’s blushing.
she rocks nervously on her feet and then dares to glance up at the entirety of the room again, hoping to see someone else she can try to question. ]
…what do I do…?
[ and she sighs defeatedly. ]
INTENT: I haven’t played a female character in a very long time (2 years!), and I really do miss having one of them as an active muse. Also, I think Madoka could really flourish in this “bittersweet” environment-being faced with the gifts and drawbacks of the world will play with her emotions and keep her involved enough that I think she could become well-grounded here which would keep me active.