"I'm a kitty"
I don't know if its lack of sleep, some insightful reading, or what; but i feel this unusual sensation of a higher understanding of my goals and direction for the future. It has almost set a precedent seeing as though i haven't felt something like this for years..... and it says a lot that it has inspired me enough to write about it, and furthermore, post something about it. i mean, fuck, when was the last time i posted anything of substance without overwhelming pretension or unnecessary emotional bullshit taking over the originally intended idea or statement? waaaaaaay too long. I feel really accomplished. I feel happy. i feel like i have aspirations once again, and to top it all off, i feel loved, and i love in return (you know who you are). To sum it all up, something happened in the last few hours that gave me hope. I don't know what it was, and i don't really understand how it happened. All that matters is that it is there again and i am completely content with everything right now. The shit comes and goes as usual, but lately (i am attributing it with your help)i am able to look past it and still be able to manage everything because i couldn't be happier where i am right now; nor do i think i was ever this happy or comfortable prior to this. The veracity of this current state is questionable, because i am predisposed to sudden epiphanies similar to this one. However, all previous transcendences (is that a word? i know the past participle transcendence is correct but I'm not sure if you can pluralize it. whatever. it works for now.) have never given me any sense of growth, or personal achievement that seem lasting even in the slightest. nor have they resulted in the over-all clear-headedness that i am currently experiencing. it's very unusual. i have some pretty lofty aspirations in store for myself in the near future, that a month ago i would have thought were ridiculous; including but not limited to quitting smoking, eliminating caffeine, and even attempting to remove meat from my diet. fucking weird, huh? just to clarify, I'm not doing it for moral, social, or ethical reasons, i just want to test my boundaries... see what i can do. sort of an experiment to see if i can do it, and to ultimately feel better mentally and physically. so don't get the idea in your head that I'm doing this because of some activist group or environmental cause, because if you know me, you should know how lame i think that is. i'm ATTEMPTING it to see what i can make myself do, and see how i feel if and/or when i have done it. We'll see how far i take it. I think I'm going to start updating this thing a lot more regularly as well, but before i dig myself too deep, I'm going to get some rest and see if i still feel this enthusiastic about it tomorrow so i don't have to renege this later upon ascertainment that this was induced by lack of sleep, or isolation, or something else other than some sort of definitive ideological value that has awakened inside of me. i don't know.... i guess we'll find out
if you don't think it is YOU that i am pledging my undying appreciation to, i suggest skipping over the next paragraph, because it is pretty corny. however, i feel it needs to be stated to establish something i don't really feel i have made clear before. i will make it short and sweet, and for who it is intended, please try not to get bogged down in semantics or the preciseness of my delivery and the subsequent accord of previous, present, or future statements. Focus on what i am saying right now and try your best to understand that this is coming from my inner-most depths and that it is the best i can do to envisage within you what i truly feel.
on a personal level, i would like to thank YOU for this. i have never felt this before, and i don't think i would have ever been able to without you. I don't know how or where to begin to thank you because never have i been indebted this much gratitude to someone. so to save you the platitudes i know i COULD give you, and all the trite, hokey, generic lines i could offer you, just know that you mean more to me than anything and that you have given me something no one else has ever been able to give me, nor is it something that anyone could take away. For that you are immortal to me, you will never leave my heart, and I thank you for everything.
on a side note, school is out in 3 weeks and i have straight A's for the first time in my life.... I'm pretty impressed with myself...
if you don't think it is YOU that i am pledging my undying appreciation to, i suggest skipping over the next paragraph, because it is pretty corny. however, i feel it needs to be stated to establish something i don't really feel i have made clear before. i will make it short and sweet, and for who it is intended, please try not to get bogged down in semantics or the preciseness of my delivery and the subsequent accord of previous, present, or future statements. Focus on what i am saying right now and try your best to understand that this is coming from my inner-most depths and that it is the best i can do to envisage within you what i truly feel.
on a personal level, i would like to thank YOU for this. i have never felt this before, and i don't think i would have ever been able to without you. I don't know how or where to begin to thank you because never have i been indebted this much gratitude to someone. so to save you the platitudes i know i COULD give you, and all the trite, hokey, generic lines i could offer you, just know that you mean more to me than anything and that you have given me something no one else has ever been able to give me, nor is it something that anyone could take away. For that you are immortal to me, you will never leave my heart, and I thank you for everything.
on a side note, school is out in 3 weeks and i have straight A's for the first time in my life.... I'm pretty impressed with myself...