Even a GPS couldn't bail me out
I'm in New Jersey this week for training. I'm not terribly excited to be here, but I am, and that's that. As such, I'm stuck in a hotel room kind of board, so I thought I'd post to my blog. Seemed like a good idea.
I'd just like to share that I hate Newark Airport. Really. I hate it. It's dirty, it's too big, and it's just a crappy airport. I have new reason to hate it though. For the first time ever when traveling for my company I've had to rent a car. Normally I just take a shuttle or a cab or something to the hotel. This time I had to drive. This was a bad idea.
So I picked up the car at Avis and asked the guy for instructions to get to the hotel where I had to pick up another guy before we headed to our other hotel. I figured for the final hotel destination I'd just use the GPS on my phone, but the hotel rendezvous was at a hotel called the Newark Airport Sheraton. So, it had to be close, so I just ask for directions from the Avis guy and here is exactly what was written down:
Now, I worry that maybe I was just being especially stupid. And... maybe I was. I don't think so, but maybe I was. So, I get the car and get to the exit gate and turn right. That's where the instructions cease to be useful. The "left at 1st light" was a lie. The first light you get to BENDS to the left as you go through it. But it's not REALLY a left turn. You cannot go straight. You either go right, as in a right turn, or you go THROUGH and it bends to the left. So, I assumed maybe he meant "the first left at a light where you can make a left" so I go through that initial light and stay in the leftmost lane. Then I see the sign for highway 1-9, turn right...sigh. Worse, I couldn't get over. I couldn't go THROUGH cars to get over there. So I just had to miss it.
So, I made an illegal u-turn and went back. I felt I had to do it that way because ahead of me was just an onramp for some other highway and I'm pretty sure that would have been much worse. So, I get turned around and then completely miss the turn for 1-9 going back the way I had come. Time for another illegal u-turn and after that I finally got onto the road that said "To 1-9." I'm not ON 1-9, but at least I'm following a road sign toward it.
Fine. Deal. Surely that's all the confusion there's going to be. From here, I'll be okay. The next sign say 1-9 that-a-way so I turn where the sign is... and suddenly I'm back in the airport going through the departure terminal. Apparently the sign meant 1-9 that-a-way at the NEXT, NEXT exit, not this next one that I'm pointing at. The next one. The one you can't see. That's the one you want. This one? This one my arrow that says 1-9 that-a-way, that's the wrong one.
Thanks, ass.
So I follow the signs through the airport and go past all the terminals. There it is, 1-9 and I follow the signs (better signs) and I get on 1-9 North. I have no idea where I am or if my directions mean anything anymore. Then I see where I was SUPPOSED to get onto 1-9 and I'm like, "sweet! Second exit now."
Well, 1-9 merges and splits and then merges and splits with like 37 other highways. So, since the guy thought a forced left curve through an intersection was a "left turn" do I assume a merge/split is an exit? I don't even know! So I just start looking for "Frontage Road."
I'm driving for like 3 minutes and then there's an exit that says "Frontage Road, next right" and has an arrow that points up the exit ramp. I'm torn. Is frontage road the next EXIT or is it the next right after you exit? The sign is right in the middle of the Y that forms the exit. Now, I should have known better. It's not my first time driving, but I panicked in my frustration and I took the exit. There WAS a frontage road. It didn't SAY "frontage road" but it was a road that fronted the highway. Alas, it just took me to the back doors and warehouses of all the airlines. ... Not where I wanted to be. So I pull another illegal u-turn and get back on 1-9.
I get on at the exit in front of the exit I DID take, so I just wait for the NEXT exit and get off there. Boom. I'm on the frontage road and I find the hotel.
I cannot wait till I have to go back. I'm going to have to make sure I get to the airport 7 hours before my flight. I'm going to need three hours to figure out how to return the car, then I'll need another 3 hours to make it through airport security. I saw the security while coming out of the terminal to the baggage clain, and I remember it from last time I fly out here; Newark has like ONE security station per terminal. I know that sounds like hyperbole, but I swear to you it is not. El Paso airport, which has 14 gates (maybe 16 gates) has a LARGER security checkpoint area than Newark. So, it's brutal to get through there.
Though, right now, my tickets say I have to fly from La Guardia... I suppose I could always do that. hahahahahaha. No. No I won't. I'm not going to cross through Manhattan to fly out of La Guardia. Not happening. I'm a small town boy now, and I'm not driving in Manhattan. If nothing else, I'll return the rental car locally and take a cab to La Guardia.
I'd just like to share that I hate Newark Airport. Really. I hate it. It's dirty, it's too big, and it's just a crappy airport. I have new reason to hate it though. For the first time ever when traveling for my company I've had to rent a car. Normally I just take a shuttle or a cab or something to the hotel. This time I had to drive. This was a bad idea.
So I picked up the car at Avis and asked the guy for instructions to get to the hotel where I had to pick up another guy before we headed to our other hotel. I figured for the final hotel destination I'd just use the GPS on my phone, but the hotel rendezvous was at a hotel called the Newark Airport Sheraton. So, it had to be close, so I just ask for directions from the Avis guy and here is exactly what was written down:
- Right at gate
- left at 1st light
- take route 1-9 north
- 2nd exit, frontage road
Now, I worry that maybe I was just being especially stupid. And... maybe I was. I don't think so, but maybe I was. So, I get the car and get to the exit gate and turn right. That's where the instructions cease to be useful. The "left at 1st light" was a lie. The first light you get to BENDS to the left as you go through it. But it's not REALLY a left turn. You cannot go straight. You either go right, as in a right turn, or you go THROUGH and it bends to the left. So, I assumed maybe he meant "the first left at a light where you can make a left" so I go through that initial light and stay in the leftmost lane. Then I see the sign for highway 1-9, turn right...sigh. Worse, I couldn't get over. I couldn't go THROUGH cars to get over there. So I just had to miss it.
So, I made an illegal u-turn and went back. I felt I had to do it that way because ahead of me was just an onramp for some other highway and I'm pretty sure that would have been much worse. So, I get turned around and then completely miss the turn for 1-9 going back the way I had come. Time for another illegal u-turn and after that I finally got onto the road that said "To 1-9." I'm not ON 1-9, but at least I'm following a road sign toward it.
Fine. Deal. Surely that's all the confusion there's going to be. From here, I'll be okay. The next sign say 1-9 that-a-way so I turn where the sign is... and suddenly I'm back in the airport going through the departure terminal. Apparently the sign meant 1-9 that-a-way at the NEXT, NEXT exit, not this next one that I'm pointing at. The next one. The one you can't see. That's the one you want. This one? This one my arrow that says 1-9 that-a-way, that's the wrong one.
Thanks, ass.
So I follow the signs through the airport and go past all the terminals. There it is, 1-9 and I follow the signs (better signs) and I get on 1-9 North. I have no idea where I am or if my directions mean anything anymore. Then I see where I was SUPPOSED to get onto 1-9 and I'm like, "sweet! Second exit now."
Well, 1-9 merges and splits and then merges and splits with like 37 other highways. So, since the guy thought a forced left curve through an intersection was a "left turn" do I assume a merge/split is an exit? I don't even know! So I just start looking for "Frontage Road."
I'm driving for like 3 minutes and then there's an exit that says "Frontage Road, next right" and has an arrow that points up the exit ramp. I'm torn. Is frontage road the next EXIT or is it the next right after you exit? The sign is right in the middle of the Y that forms the exit. Now, I should have known better. It's not my first time driving, but I panicked in my frustration and I took the exit. There WAS a frontage road. It didn't SAY "frontage road" but it was a road that fronted the highway. Alas, it just took me to the back doors and warehouses of all the airlines. ... Not where I wanted to be. So I pull another illegal u-turn and get back on 1-9.
I get on at the exit in front of the exit I DID take, so I just wait for the NEXT exit and get off there. Boom. I'm on the frontage road and I find the hotel.
I cannot wait till I have to go back. I'm going to have to make sure I get to the airport 7 hours before my flight. I'm going to need three hours to figure out how to return the car, then I'll need another 3 hours to make it through airport security. I saw the security while coming out of the terminal to the baggage clain, and I remember it from last time I fly out here; Newark has like ONE security station per terminal. I know that sounds like hyperbole, but I swear to you it is not. El Paso airport, which has 14 gates (maybe 16 gates) has a LARGER security checkpoint area than Newark. So, it's brutal to get through there.
Though, right now, my tickets say I have to fly from La Guardia... I suppose I could always do that. hahahahahaha. No. No I won't. I'm not going to cross through Manhattan to fly out of La Guardia. Not happening. I'm a small town boy now, and I'm not driving in Manhattan. If nothing else, I'll return the rental car locally and take a cab to La Guardia.