(no subject)
i just had a mental breakdown. and all i can think of is....
"i'm feeling rough i'm feeling raw i'm in the prime of my life....
...I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms.
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world.
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home.
Yeah I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.
This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute."
like legit. i know it's lame, because it's mgmt lyrics. and they literally regurgitated words and threw them into the song. but seriously. i feel so frazzled. and that shit about getting a job in an office, and being on the edge of the world to make decisions and stuff....
here is the list of concerns i have for my life and my future:
1. i don't know exACTLY what i want to major in at this point
2. i don't know WHAT the fuck i'm going to DO with that major
3. i don't know what internship i am going to do this summer
4. i don't want to go back to annapolis unLESS i am doing an internship this summer
5. i don't know how i would pay for housing this summer if i stayed in Boston
5.5. if i stay in boston this summer, i have to make housing arrangements THIS WEEK
6. i don't want to get a job in an office and be boring when i get older
7. i don't want to go through like 5 more years of schooling just to get a mediocre job doing something boring
8. i want to stay in boston this summer, but my parents are upset that i don't want to come home, even though it doesn't feel like home anymore. at. all.
9. i don't want to be stressed out, like i am right now
10. i'm getting sick, which has nothing to do with this, but it sucks nevertheless
11. i don't want to deal with, nor do i have TIME to think about, deal with or even worry about the stupid girl shit that's going on all around me that i'm not actually involved in but it still has to affect me because it's EVERYWHERE
12. i don't have enough money to buy a camera. which means that i won't be able to take pictures when i'm in scotland :(
13. i don't want to have this intense of a workload anymore so that i can enjoy being in college and being a kid, but every time i try to relax, life gets in the way, and i'm worried i'm going to be so focused on random work and internships and jobs and work work work that i won't sit back and enjoy life every now and again.
14. i'm just worried about being worried and that worries me
15. nothing makes sense anymore, so basically my head wants to explode.
but. i know that like 3 days from now, i will look at this post, or like, think about this shit and it won't seem like the world is ending and everything will be okay. so yeah.
so basically. i'm stressed as fuck.
"i'm feeling rough i'm feeling raw i'm in the prime of my life....
...I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms.
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world.
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home.
Yeah I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.
This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute."
like legit. i know it's lame, because it's mgmt lyrics. and they literally regurgitated words and threw them into the song. but seriously. i feel so frazzled. and that shit about getting a job in an office, and being on the edge of the world to make decisions and stuff....
here is the list of concerns i have for my life and my future:
1. i don't know exACTLY what i want to major in at this point
2. i don't know WHAT the fuck i'm going to DO with that major
3. i don't know what internship i am going to do this summer
4. i don't want to go back to annapolis unLESS i am doing an internship this summer
5. i don't know how i would pay for housing this summer if i stayed in Boston
5.5. if i stay in boston this summer, i have to make housing arrangements THIS WEEK
6. i don't want to get a job in an office and be boring when i get older
7. i don't want to go through like 5 more years of schooling just to get a mediocre job doing something boring
8. i want to stay in boston this summer, but my parents are upset that i don't want to come home, even though it doesn't feel like home anymore. at. all.
9. i don't want to be stressed out, like i am right now
10. i'm getting sick, which has nothing to do with this, but it sucks nevertheless
11. i don't want to deal with, nor do i have TIME to think about, deal with or even worry about the stupid girl shit that's going on all around me that i'm not actually involved in but it still has to affect me because it's EVERYWHERE
12. i don't have enough money to buy a camera. which means that i won't be able to take pictures when i'm in scotland :(
13. i don't want to have this intense of a workload anymore so that i can enjoy being in college and being a kid, but every time i try to relax, life gets in the way, and i'm worried i'm going to be so focused on random work and internships and jobs and work work work that i won't sit back and enjoy life every now and again.
14. i'm just worried about being worried and that worries me
15. nothing makes sense anymore, so basically my head wants to explode.
but. i know that like 3 days from now, i will look at this post, or like, think about this shit and it won't seem like the world is ending and everything will be okay. so yeah.
so basically. i'm stressed as fuck.