Team Knight- Round 3- Fic (The Worst Day Ever?)
The Joker was having a bad day.
Now, he’d had bad days before, lots of them, but this one seemed...worse than others. First, he’d awoken to realize it was Friday the 13th, which normally would’ve tickled him, and for the first hour of his day, it did.
Until he noticed that it was being Friday the 13th with a fucking vengeance.
He walked into his bathroom and began to apply his makeup, after all, one never knew who one might run into in the course of a day, and he wanted to look his best. He had run out of his usual white makeup so he’d stolen something new. He opened the bathroom vanity to look for it and when he closed it, it was stuck. He wrenched on it, and suddenly it gave, and the mirror cracked down the center before spiderwebbing and shattering. He blinked and shook his head. Seven years bad luck.
He giggled and shrugged. He doubted whether it would matter much to him, bad luck or not. It wasn’t as though he was a believer in it. As good ol’ Harvey said, “I make my own luck.”
He finished his face the best he could, it was a little annoying not to have a mirror, then went out to go wreak a little havoc on the way to breakfast. As he walked down the narrow sidewalk in the Narrows, he had to walk by a window cleaner. The cleaner had his ladder up against the wall, and other people were crowded in front of it, watching a cop take down a mugger. The Joker lowered his head, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself this early and walked under the ladder to get away. For some reason no one else was doing that.
“Hey man, that’s bad luck.” A wino lying against a building warned him. The Joker looked at him, raising his head enough that the man saw his face. The man blinked, then blinked again, tossing his bottle away as the Joker kept walking. Apparently, he was so drunk he was seeing things, such as clowns at 8 in the morning. He shook his head and watched the painted apparition keep walking.
The Joker giggled, he loved shocking people, even people who barely fit the description anymore. He began to hum as he walked. He stopped at a hot dog vendor and grabbed a large chilli dog with extra cheese and then as he headed down an alley back towards his hideout, a cat ran across his path, a huge black cat that stopped, looked at him and let out a yowl that made the Joker’s neck hairs stand on end.
He jumped a bit and dropped his hot dog, dripping chilli down the front of his new vest. That made him mad. “Stupid cat!” he hissed, kicking at it.
He heard a rip and then a cool breeze. He put his hand to feel his ass and realized he’d ripped his tight pants, all the way down the center seam.
“Dammit!”
He’d just bought this suit. What was going on?
He walked back and grabbed another hot dog, ignoring the look the vendor gave him. “I’m hungry, okay?” he snapped.
He ate this one by the vendor, not wanting to take too many risks of dropping it again. He then wiped his fingers and mouth delicately and headed the way he’d been going when he dropped the first one. He got to the hideout to find only two of his henchman there. They were supposed to rob a jewellery store today, but he needed more men than this.
“Where are the other 3?” he demanded.
“Sick, they all went out for Chinese last night, and there was something wrong with it. They can’t make it.” The one man explained.
“How are we supposed to rob a store with 3 people?” the Joker snapped.
“We can handle it boss. Don’t worry.”
Normally, the Joker wouldn’t have worried, he would’ve just gone with the flow and been fine with it, but this wasn’t a normal day and it wasn’t going well for him. Should he press his luck?
He really wanted that one piece of jewellery he’d seen though, the nice piece in the window...
He looked at the men. “Okay, let’s do it.”
They got in the car and began driving up into Gotham’s downtown and it took them 3 hours just to get to the place. The radio explained that there had been a huge accident by the bridge and traffic was backed up everywhere. The Joker just tapped his fingers on the dash. He could have walked and make it there faster.
When they finally arrived, they got out, the men putting their masks on, the Joker just stalking in. One of his men said from behind, “Hey boss, you know you ripped your...”
“I know! Just keep your mind on the job, what are you, a fashion consultant!”
They entered the store and forced the salespeople and the manager to lie on the floor after giving them the keys to the displays cabinets. The Joker watched while his men emptied them but he wanted that one piece. He went to the front display case and opened it, but it wasn’t there, there was a different piece, an ugly piece.
“Where is it?” he screamed, going back and kicking the manager.
“Where is what?” the man was terrified.
“The big one, with the pretty rubies and diamonds on top!”
“The playing card box?” the man asked.
“Yes!”
It had been a beautiful platinum box, holding two decks of cards, with rubies and diamonds on top, decorating a large Joker card. Very ostentatious, very flashy, and the Joker had been absolutely mesmerized by it. This whole job was just to get that particular box.
“It’s been sold!” the man squeaked.
“What!?” the Joker roared.
“I sold it last night. I didn’t think anyone would ever want it, it’s so....” he caught the Joker’s offended eye and stammered. “So...bright and expensive.”
“You must have another one!”
“Are you kidding?” the man exclaimed, “I never thought we’d get rid...I mean ...that piece was so original...I only had the one.”
“NOOOO!!!” The Joker pulled out his gun and pointed it at the man, wanting to do nothing more than blow his head off.
The man cowered, and the Joker frowned...utterly frustrated.
He’d promised, after all.
He could break his promise...it wouldn’t shock the one he’d made the promise too, that was certain...but...damn it...he got so angry and made that face and the Joker would be lucky to get laid for months if he was mad enough...
“Get out of my sight!” he hollered.
The man scuttled away and the Joker and his henchmen made their getaway.
Back at the hideaway, the men were happy. They’d gotten away with a lot of loot, and would be living high on the hog for awhile. The Joker was morose. He barely glanced at the jewellery.
“Take my portion. I don’t want it.” He pouted.
The men quickly took his portion and divided it, they weren’t going to question, who knew when the crazy man who led them would change his mind.
They thanked him quickly and left, eager to sell their take and have some fun.
The Joker walked back to his apartment, slowly and despondently.
He caught his reflection in a window and wanted to cry. His pretty suit had chilli stains on it, his pants were ripped, and the new makeup looked like crap and the job he’d done putting it on without a mirror left a lot to be desired too.
And he didn’t get what he wanted.
The Joker was a lot like a child sometimes, he knew it, and he made no excuses for it. This day had absolutely fucking sucked and he just wanted to go to sleep and forget about it.
He opened the door to his apartment and kicked the door shut behind him. His place was dingy and dirty. He walked into the bedroom and looked at the one clean spot he’d made for the box on his dresser. Now he had nothing to put there.
He sniffled.
Then, something caught his eye, a flash of red and white sparkles. He whirled and on his pillow was the box, with a ribbon around it.
He let out a sound of utter glee and ran to the bed, picking up the box reverently, as though he was afraid it would disappear. It was beautiful. He hugged it to his chest, tears running down his face.
He undid the box and opened it. There were two decks of cards inside, but as he took them out, he realized they were all Joker cards. It was...perfect.
He sobbed and closed the box, holding it again tight in his arms.
“You like it, I take it?” the voice said from the shadows.
He turned and saw the Bat’s form take shape as he walked toward him.
“I LOVE it!” the Joker confessed. “I went there, and it was gone and I....”
“You went where?”
“To the store! Today!”
“You couldn’t afford that box...” the Bat told him, then he sighed. “Oh, right, to rob it, what was I thinking?”
“But it was gone, and the mean man said he’d sold it last night...”
He smiled adoringly up at the Bat. “You bought it for me, didn’t you Brucie...” he put the box in one arm carefully and used the other to wrap around the Batman’s waist. “Thank you... thank you...thank you...”
“You’re welcome. I just saw it one day and it was so....you.” The Batman sounded amused.
Later, when the two men were lying in bed, and the thank yous and your welcomes had been given, the Joker laid on the strong chest and sighed, happy at last. The Batman chuckled. “I hate Friday the 13th. It’s brings out all the weirdos. You should’ve seen the strange things that went on today.”
The Joker kissed Batman’s chest.
“I love Friday the 13th.” He confided softly, looking at his box glittering in the dark on the dresser. “This has been the best day of my life...”
