bummed
so today has been bad!
i wish i could go back in the past and change things, especially these past couple of months! i have changed soooo much, and im not exactly sure if i like the person ive become. i definately have more fun then i did in high school, but when i was in high school i thought that life would be sooo much better if i had alot more friends. and know that im in college i do have more friends then i had had, but i still am not happy. and i truely thought that i would be, i dont have many true friends, more like aquanacies. i was always so jealous of those people who had friends that they had known since childhood, i felt like i could never fit in with them because they were such good friends and i was just starting off with them, i always felt like such a 3rd wheel. and i was never the type that wanted to go and hang out, and i dont think i ever will be, ive always needed an excuse to go out and would have rather stayed home the majority of the time. although when i do go out i do have alot of fun, i just always have had a hard time pushing myself to do it.
now in the last couple of months i have also realized that although i would love a boyfriend, the majority of guys are just a pain in the ass and just way too stressful for me. y does everything have to be so hard? and y did u, u know who u r, have to tell me on fucking VALENTINES DAY that u have a new girlfriend??? are u just that cruel and mean or r u just that stupid to not know that it is that day, or do u just not care?! i know that we might not have ended up married with a bunch of kids and madly in love, but u never even gave it a chance. u seem to fall hard and fast for these other girls, but u never seemed to do that with me, y? what is soo fucking wrong with me? and i know that when this new girl is done with u ur gonna start talking to me again because u want one thing, but im sorry u cant have it! i know that im not the prettiest or the skinniest, but i will tell u that i do think that i am a good catch and i deserve better then that and if u cant realize that then that is ur problem! there is soo much that i did with u that i regret, not everything, but i really wish we would have taken things alot slower because i think things would have been alot different if we had. but sadly, i cant take it back now. the only thing i can do is learn from those mistakes and learn what not to do with the next guy.
ok now i feel alittle better for getting that off my chest
im gonna go have a hard lemonade and watch Oobi with McKayla now...
i wish i could go back in the past and change things, especially these past couple of months! i have changed soooo much, and im not exactly sure if i like the person ive become. i definately have more fun then i did in high school, but when i was in high school i thought that life would be sooo much better if i had alot more friends. and know that im in college i do have more friends then i had had, but i still am not happy. and i truely thought that i would be, i dont have many true friends, more like aquanacies. i was always so jealous of those people who had friends that they had known since childhood, i felt like i could never fit in with them because they were such good friends and i was just starting off with them, i always felt like such a 3rd wheel. and i was never the type that wanted to go and hang out, and i dont think i ever will be, ive always needed an excuse to go out and would have rather stayed home the majority of the time. although when i do go out i do have alot of fun, i just always have had a hard time pushing myself to do it.
now in the last couple of months i have also realized that although i would love a boyfriend, the majority of guys are just a pain in the ass and just way too stressful for me. y does everything have to be so hard? and y did u, u know who u r, have to tell me on fucking VALENTINES DAY that u have a new girlfriend??? are u just that cruel and mean or r u just that stupid to not know that it is that day, or do u just not care?! i know that we might not have ended up married with a bunch of kids and madly in love, but u never even gave it a chance. u seem to fall hard and fast for these other girls, but u never seemed to do that with me, y? what is soo fucking wrong with me? and i know that when this new girl is done with u ur gonna start talking to me again because u want one thing, but im sorry u cant have it! i know that im not the prettiest or the skinniest, but i will tell u that i do think that i am a good catch and i deserve better then that and if u cant realize that then that is ur problem! there is soo much that i did with u that i regret, not everything, but i really wish we would have taken things alot slower because i think things would have been alot different if we had. but sadly, i cant take it back now. the only thing i can do is learn from those mistakes and learn what not to do with the next guy.
ok now i feel alittle better for getting that off my chest
im gonna go have a hard lemonade and watch Oobi with McKayla now...