dedicated to the one i love
dedicated to the one i love
paralyzing_time
angst; pg-13; alex/ed
837 words
Ed pretended to look out the window, but in the corner of his eye, he watched his cellphone. Alex was never late. AU
warnings: alcohol, slight language
notes: moving shit.
-
Rain was certainly a fascinating thing.
Ed tilted his head as he continued to watch it from his chair, ignoring the ticking of seconds going by. With his chair right in front of the window, and his body facing directly out, he had his left elbow resting on the window sill and his chin resting on his left palm. With the window covered up with a fine sheen, he started to draw on it with his right index finger, not really caring what image came up until he was done. It was a heart with wings.
But the wings were melting away.
The water dripped down from his disintegrating wings and slowly flowed down until it reached the end of the window, where it disappeared. His drawing was leaving him. It was dying.
So he drew a smiley face. A big one, right next to the dying heart, with dots for eyes and a big smile.
And the smiley face started crying.
Through the transparent tears, Ed looked toward the sky and saw the gloomy clouds. Ed, himself, didn’t cry much. The clouds did enough of that for the both of them, and probably for the other millions of grieving hearts around the world. It was a waste of water to shed useless tears.
In the back of his mind, the thoughts that he had suppressed earlier were starting to grow. His eyes flashed to his cellphone, lying on the wood of his desk, before heading returning back to their original place. Flashbacks of his last conversation with Alex went through his mind. He refused to believe that they were over, done with.
He was just waiting.
But he didn’t know what he was waiting for. Or maybe he did and just didn’t want to admit it.
No sound came from his cellphone.
Getting up, Ed walked outside of his bedroom and to the kitchen. As he lingered at the counter top, he grabbed a bottle of red wine - and the back of his mind screamed Alex’s favorite - before returning back to his bedroom with a bottle in one hand and a wine glass in the other. He didn’t know why he was in such a hurry. It wasn’t like he was waiting on anything (or rather, anyone).
Though it had been one day, three hours, forty-six minutes, and ten seconds since Alex had called.
But who was counting?
He sat down at the chair near the window sill and placed the bottle and glass on top of the table near him. Ed opened the bottle and poured the red liquid into his empty glass. Placing the glass bottle onto the table, he grabbed his wine glass and swirled the drink, staring into it. Slowly did he drink it, little by little, and didn’t take a breath of oxygen until all of it was gone. His fingers went up to press against his clothed heart as he felt the wine swirling inside of him and the alcohol simmer through his veins. The ache didn’t stop.
It wasn’t until he had drank more - a lot more - and gotten drunk that his phone rang.
Ed immediately went for the device next to the bottle, and he didn’t care that the glass shattered into pieces as it hit the ground. When his eyes scanned the caller ID, all that flooded his mind was it’s Alex, it’s Alex, it’s Alex, and he completely forgot about the fact that his bare feet could be cut by the broken edges on the floor.
“What the fuck, Alex?” was the first thing his drunken mind could think of blurting out, in the midst of anger, relief, sadness, and whatever other emotion laid along those lines.
“Hey,” The other’s voice softly answered back in a tired fashion, like he had been busy with something (and maybe someone else) while Ed had been just sitting there.
The fact that he wasn’t angry at all, when Ed was so angry at him, caused Ed to tear up. It was so hard to try to be a civilized good person with this conversation. Ed snapped back to reality and furiously wiped the water from his eyes as he felt the crimson color of the previously spilled wine seep up the ends of his pants. He finally looked down to see the shards so close to his exposed skin, and if he got cut, he didn’t feel or see anything.
“So, why did you call?” Ed calmed himself down enough to slur one coherent question.
He didn’t know whether it was his heart or the alcohol talking.
“Because I missed you.”
Ed could just imagine the small smile that was probably on Alex’s face at the moment, and the sad eyes that always looked at him whenever they were together. He pulled his legs up to set his feet on a support of the chair, but didn’t respond.
It was then and there that he decided Alex was worth the waste.
And, despite his intoxicated state, Ed started crying.
paralyzing_time
angst; pg-13; alex/ed
837 words
Ed pretended to look out the window, but in the corner of his eye, he watched his cellphone. Alex was never late. AU
warnings: alcohol, slight language
notes: moving shit.
-
Rain was certainly a fascinating thing.
Ed tilted his head as he continued to watch it from his chair, ignoring the ticking of seconds going by. With his chair right in front of the window, and his body facing directly out, he had his left elbow resting on the window sill and his chin resting on his left palm. With the window covered up with a fine sheen, he started to draw on it with his right index finger, not really caring what image came up until he was done. It was a heart with wings.
But the wings were melting away.
The water dripped down from his disintegrating wings and slowly flowed down until it reached the end of the window, where it disappeared. His drawing was leaving him. It was dying.
So he drew a smiley face. A big one, right next to the dying heart, with dots for eyes and a big smile.
And the smiley face started crying.
Through the transparent tears, Ed looked toward the sky and saw the gloomy clouds. Ed, himself, didn’t cry much. The clouds did enough of that for the both of them, and probably for the other millions of grieving hearts around the world. It was a waste of water to shed useless tears.
In the back of his mind, the thoughts that he had suppressed earlier were starting to grow. His eyes flashed to his cellphone, lying on the wood of his desk, before heading returning back to their original place. Flashbacks of his last conversation with Alex went through his mind. He refused to believe that they were over, done with.
He was just waiting.
But he didn’t know what he was waiting for. Or maybe he did and just didn’t want to admit it.
No sound came from his cellphone.
Getting up, Ed walked outside of his bedroom and to the kitchen. As he lingered at the counter top, he grabbed a bottle of red wine - and the back of his mind screamed Alex’s favorite - before returning back to his bedroom with a bottle in one hand and a wine glass in the other. He didn’t know why he was in such a hurry. It wasn’t like he was waiting on anything (or rather, anyone).
Though it had been one day, three hours, forty-six minutes, and ten seconds since Alex had called.
But who was counting?
He sat down at the chair near the window sill and placed the bottle and glass on top of the table near him. Ed opened the bottle and poured the red liquid into his empty glass. Placing the glass bottle onto the table, he grabbed his wine glass and swirled the drink, staring into it. Slowly did he drink it, little by little, and didn’t take a breath of oxygen until all of it was gone. His fingers went up to press against his clothed heart as he felt the wine swirling inside of him and the alcohol simmer through his veins. The ache didn’t stop.
It wasn’t until he had drank more - a lot more - and gotten drunk that his phone rang.
Ed immediately went for the device next to the bottle, and he didn’t care that the glass shattered into pieces as it hit the ground. When his eyes scanned the caller ID, all that flooded his mind was it’s Alex, it’s Alex, it’s Alex, and he completely forgot about the fact that his bare feet could be cut by the broken edges on the floor.
“What the fuck, Alex?” was the first thing his drunken mind could think of blurting out, in the midst of anger, relief, sadness, and whatever other emotion laid along those lines.
“Hey,” The other’s voice softly answered back in a tired fashion, like he had been busy with something (and maybe someone else) while Ed had been just sitting there.
The fact that he wasn’t angry at all, when Ed was so angry at him, caused Ed to tear up. It was so hard to try to be a civilized good person with this conversation. Ed snapped back to reality and furiously wiped the water from his eyes as he felt the crimson color of the previously spilled wine seep up the ends of his pants. He finally looked down to see the shards so close to his exposed skin, and if he got cut, he didn’t feel or see anything.
“So, why did you call?” Ed calmed himself down enough to slur one coherent question.
He didn’t know whether it was his heart or the alcohol talking.
“Because I missed you.”
Ed could just imagine the small smile that was probably on Alex’s face at the moment, and the sad eyes that always looked at him whenever they were together. He pulled his legs up to set his feet on a support of the chair, but didn’t respond.
It was then and there that he decided Alex was worth the waste.
And, despite his intoxicated state, Ed started crying.