My bad day...
Okay, so here is what's up with me. Newton's birthday is tomorrow. Laura and I are going to try and go to the graveyard after school and before church. I miss Newton..alot. I wish he were here. Then maybe Shannon wuttin be this FUCKING important to me!!!
Speaking of Shannon I was going to talk to Shannon today after school, but he wasn't even there. And he didn't call me to tell me he wasn't coming. I cried. I'm crying. Why would he do that. I'm hurt. I'm going over and over in my mind trying to figure out wut in Devil's name I did to make him do this. Everyone's saying...it's not ur fault, it's not ur fault, but...I can't help but blame myself. ANd I'm worried. That something's really wrong at his house. I love this boy to death....I hope he's okay.
And for those of u who heard, yes it's true, I'm trying out for cheerleader. I hope I make it. The meeting's tonight. Kayla is trying out too. She's gonna stay the night Saturday. We're gonna find SOMETHING worth our while to do. Something crazy...Until then, may God be with all who encounter me...
I was feeling a lot of jealousy today. I'm jealous of people like meredith who like to grope in themselves when I'm upset about how much they "love" their boyfriends and girlfriends. and blah blah blah blah blah blah!!!
I wish Shannon would just show up at my house so I can just hold him because I KNOW he's hurting. ANd i can't explain how I know this, but I do, and it's making me cry it hurts so bad. I'm such a little emo fagget when it comes to guys. WHen I fall in love. I hit hard. It's like a love of myths and legends and such. Like the love of a fantasy. One in which unicorns and dragons exist to inspire and destroy the relationship between two people in love. ANd Sometimes I swear Cupid has a pact with Hades. His immortality for destroying love. DAMMIT! grrr...
Dillon loves me. But not the way I want him to. And that hurts even worse! My ex boyfriend delivered HIMSELF to my house after school a single pink rose and a white teddy bear. Which is EXACTLY what the hell I wanted for Valentines Day. Just from Shannon and not Dillon. I dunno..this sux..I want to go cry some more so fuck off haters...
Chelsi