My new theme of 2009 is rage
I often find myself choosing milestones at random to mark the timing of a fresh start. This year is July 25th, or at least so I thought.
Truth is, I can't help but wonder 'just who am I trying to kid'? Things are never so black and white. People, circumstance, NOTHING really changes just because you've crossed another day off the calendar or flipped another page in your agenda. Changes happen much less when you want them than when you're even ready for them. Just when we get comfortable the rug gets pulled right out from under us.
(So this is how it works.)
unreliable friends.
erratic work success.
destabilized family life.
Where does that leave me?
Really, seriously, where should that leave me.
The older I've become, the more people I befriend, the lesser and lesser I realize I can count on anyone.
In a lot of ways I guess I count myself lucky, but it all seems to just come at a price. You can call me a pessimist or a whiner (I probably am all these things), but I can't change how its all come unraveled these last years.
I don't have the patience for this or anyone anymore. Maybe I used to be less invested or shrugged it off ... I can't really remember anymore.
I'm caught somewhere between halfway and nowhere but the search party's gone on lunch.
I joked about a year but here is 8 months.
One of these days I might just deck someone.
Truth is, I can't help but wonder 'just who am I trying to kid'? Things are never so black and white. People, circumstance, NOTHING really changes just because you've crossed another day off the calendar or flipped another page in your agenda. Changes happen much less when you want them than when you're even ready for them. Just when we get comfortable the rug gets pulled right out from under us.
(So this is how it works.)
unreliable friends.
erratic work success.
destabilized family life.
Where does that leave me?
Really, seriously, where should that leave me.
The older I've become, the more people I befriend, the lesser and lesser I realize I can count on anyone.
In a lot of ways I guess I count myself lucky, but it all seems to just come at a price. You can call me a pessimist or a whiner (I probably am all these things), but I can't change how its all come unraveled these last years.
I don't have the patience for this or anyone anymore. Maybe I used to be less invested or shrugged it off ... I can't really remember anymore.
I'm caught somewhere between halfway and nowhere but the search party's gone on lunch.
I joked about a year but here is 8 months.
One of these days I might just deck someone.