(no subject)
Its been really hard for me lately... ive been crying on the drop of a dime, and i always feel like shit. Something is telling me that theres something wrong, but im to afraid to tell anyone or go check if im okay... i have noone to turn to, and noone to talk to. Im once again the odd person out, and ive lost all the people that i loved with everything in me.
I really dont leave anymore. The most i leave it to school and to Nikki f.'s.... im really depressed. Im gaining weight because im eating so much just because of pure depression. I need someone to talk to, and noones here for me.
I messed up with beck and nikki and Ray. I love ray with everything in me, and i messed it all up. Im happy that hes with nikki now, because i know she'll treat him like he deserves to be treated. Hes a great person, and he deserves someone great like nikki.
Beck hates me. i got into an argument with her and i messed things up. She says thers no way to fix anything so i sit here and cry all the time cuz i realize what i lost. See, im crying right now just thinking about it.. :-\..
School has become unberibly diffucult for me. I cant even walk down the hall without feeling uncomfortable.. Im such a little bitch. I wish i could just leave. I want to go far away and not look back once, just so that way i know that all the disaster that happens here isant my fault for once. Warren just isant my place anymore.
Once again im alone. no boyfriend, no friends, nowhere to go. Im so dissappointed with myself. I hate that this is all my fault.
so im really debating weather or not im going to nikki's sweet 16.. I really would like to, but for some reason or another i feel like it would be uncomfortable for us all.. Its her big day, and i dont want to mess it up. I mean, im scared that im going to be hurt while im there, and im going to be shunned out. I dont need that to happen...
i cant sit here anymore. My moms in here and im crying. I dont want her to know how hard this is for me anymore. shes seen enuff tears for one week.
im sorry to all of you i fucked over.. im so sorry
I really dont leave anymore. The most i leave it to school and to Nikki f.'s.... im really depressed. Im gaining weight because im eating so much just because of pure depression. I need someone to talk to, and noones here for me.
I messed up with beck and nikki and Ray. I love ray with everything in me, and i messed it all up. Im happy that hes with nikki now, because i know she'll treat him like he deserves to be treated. Hes a great person, and he deserves someone great like nikki.
Beck hates me. i got into an argument with her and i messed things up. She says thers no way to fix anything so i sit here and cry all the time cuz i realize what i lost. See, im crying right now just thinking about it.. :-\..
School has become unberibly diffucult for me. I cant even walk down the hall without feeling uncomfortable.. Im such a little bitch. I wish i could just leave. I want to go far away and not look back once, just so that way i know that all the disaster that happens here isant my fault for once. Warren just isant my place anymore.
Once again im alone. no boyfriend, no friends, nowhere to go. Im so dissappointed with myself. I hate that this is all my fault.
so im really debating weather or not im going to nikki's sweet 16.. I really would like to, but for some reason or another i feel like it would be uncomfortable for us all.. Its her big day, and i dont want to mess it up. I mean, im scared that im going to be hurt while im there, and im going to be shunned out. I dont need that to happen...
i cant sit here anymore. My moms in here and im crying. I dont want her to know how hard this is for me anymore. shes seen enuff tears for one week.
im sorry to all of you i fucked over.. im so sorry